"OMG! It's Paris Hilton's car!" The bikini-clad blond with waiting-for-a-nuclear-blast sized sunglasses was impressed by the big black Bentley. "How much does it cost?" "How fast does it go?" "How did you get one?" An Abercrombie of bathing suits gathered around the British-built German car in the late summer sun. I didn't have the heart to tell them they were worshipping a false idol. So what if the Bentley Continental GTC is a four-wheeled Poptart, famous for being famous? Discretion is the better part of valet parking. I'd save my bubble-bursting for the Best and Brightest. And here you are. And here we go…

The Lexus IS250 is a chick car. Funny that. Its predecessor, the IS300, was such a guy car. In fact, every time I see a male of the species behind the wheel of a Lexus IS, I check my theory by scoping the badge. Sure enough: it's an IS350. Strange. The IS250 is a great entry-level luxury car. While it's slower than the 350, not everyone can afford to pay that much needs that sort of power. So why aren't more guys driving one?

There I was cutting, clipping and carving corners in the ultimate Porsche 911, balancing the need for speed with self-control. I felt like an Olympic skier or Iron Chef. But there was an element missing from the GT2 experience, a deficiency that niggled like a loose ski boot or a nicked Shun Santoku. Torque. As in instant-on shove. Porsche's brilliant 3.6-liter boxer engine has too much boost and not enough low-end grunt. But isn't perfection standard in a Porsche, especially for one that costs $197,000?

I've been pining for the Audi R8 since I first laid eyes on the "Le Mans" show car five years ago. Last February, I test drove Audi's 911 redo in Vegas (baby). Although I found the R8 lacked some of the the Porsche Turbo's user-friendly OMG WTFitiude, Audi gave their everyday supercar a far more appealing wrapper than the ass-engined Nazi slot car (thank you P.J. O'Rourke). Yes, I knew the movie Ironman would define R8 ownership for non-owners. But I was willing to take the risk of being associated with an actor who's spent more time in rehab than any five celebutantes you can name. So I placed an order and arranged for delivery of my R8 at the Neckarsulm factory.

Ten years ago, my local electric company invited me to participate in a two-week test of the then-new General Motors EV-1 electric car. After some detailed vetting, including a ten page questionnaire and a long focus group (with the de rigueur one-way mirror), I was selected to receive an electric-powered GM two-seater. For those of you who wonder who killed the electric car, it was me. 

I've driven a lot of new Mustangs. Specifically, the V6 Convertible, GT, GT Convertible, GT California Special, Hertz GT-H, Shelby GT and the Shelby GT500 (coupe and convertible). The only ones I've missed are the V6 hard top (I'll pass) and the Shelby GT500KR. After last week, I can check the 2008 Bullitt Mustang off my pony car to-do list. Limited to "just" 7700 examples, the Bullitt follows the path laid down by its cinematic inspiration: green paint, black wheels, limited badging and more power. As a veteran ‘Stang wrangler, let me tell you how the latest iteration stacks up against the other stallions…

I drove the Audi TT 2.0T Convertible prepared to hate it. Its wrong-wheel-drive, mandatory two-pedal transmission, extra-chunky-style curb weight and econobox-based platform violates all that I hold sacred in a two-seat drop top. Similar formulas have belched forth such embarrassments as Mercury’s legendary (for all the wrong reasons) Capri. But the topless TT is no Capri. And thank Gott for that.

We hear reports that Mazda is fueling its growth by stocking American rental companies with product. Normally, this sales strategy is a sure way to run a brand into the ground; to ensure that factories build The Least Objectionable Automobile rather than something inherently worthwhile. Not in this case. In fact, you could say that Ford's Japanese partner has created the world largest, perhaps best demo fleet for the four-cylinder Mazda6i. If you have a choice, make it your default option.

You may not know this, but Acura has only two executives. One of them oversees the design and build of fantastic, fun, reliable, affordable cars. This suit was responsible for all the Integras, the NSX, the Legend and the original TSX. The other executive has the reverse Midas touch. He botched the RSX, let the NSX stagnate for a decade, and shot the Legend in the head and gave us the RL. And now, that sonofabitch got his hands on the new TSX. To say the result is disappointing is to say that gas is becoming a bit dear. Advance? I don't think so.

July's Car and Driver pits a new Ford Mustang against a new Dodge Challenger and joyfully proclaims "it's 1970 again!" Wrong. It's 1973 again, the year of the Arab Oil Embargo. This time there's plenty of gas at the pumps, but its price has thrown the U.S. car market into the same chaos/doldrums that afflicted it the year FedEx was born. Back then, the Mustang's pony car competition rolled over and died. Today, the Mustang faces new challengers with a convertible that gets 17/26 mpg. How great is that?

The VW Phaeton was the answer to a question no one asked: who wants to buy a $70k Volkswagen? Marketing mishegos aside, "Piech's folly" is a superb car: relatively quick, preposterously quiet and completely comfortable. Lest we forget, VW Chairman Ferdinand Piech is something of a master engineer. He was directly responsible for Porsche's 917; a race car so dominant they canceled the entire race series. Piech also willed the Bugatti Veyron into existence. The Touareg V10 TDI was born from the same world-crushing crucible as the Phaeton and the Veyron. So, how does the uber-oil burner measure up?

I greeted my temporary assignment to Nellis Air Force Base, Nevada with joyful anticipation. After numerous hours in an E-3 looking for simulated bogeys over the Mojave Desert, the proximity to Sin City was a welcome reprieve. Stepping down from my jet, Technical Sgt. Peters handed me a set of keys and pointed to the terminal's parking lot. Examining the plate number on the tag, and seeing a Chevy emblem on the key, I expected a minivan. Instead, a ginormous Express 3500 15-Passenger van assaulted my vision. For this I defend my country?

At some point in our recent automotive history, all wheel-drive (AWD) replaced front wheel-drive as the paranoid consumer's drivetrain of choice. The safety advantages of high quality snow tires (as needed) and a low center of gravity (in all cases) got lost in translation. Ready to capitalize on the AWD's popularity: the economy-oriented Toyota Matrix and the Subaru Impreza. Both diminutive scramblers aren't nearly as cheap or efficient as their front-wheel-drive cousins, and they won't off-road, tow a boat or carry seven passengers. Still, both cars offer a [potential] extra safety margin and [potentially] better handling. So if you had to choose one…

Before Black Tuesday, the autoblogosphere was abuzz with news of Fiat's return to the U.S. market. Details have been sparse and shifty, but the message is clear: American Alfisti will finally get their hands on the automotive brand renowned for Italian passion and style. Maybe. Eventually. Of course, when Alfa retreated from the eastern seaboard to the Amalfi Coast some 14 years ago, their cars were also known for Communist Bloc reliability. Assuming Alfa's got that sorted (deep breath), I've tracked down an Alfa Romeo Spider Graduate to see what the fuss was– and perhaps will be– all about.

When it comes to family-hauling vehicular solutions, we're at the end of the tunnel. In the face of $5 a gallon gas, SUV and minivan sales have vaporized. The mushroom cloud of market crash is overhead. One need only look at the discrepancy between SUV/CUV and small car sales to realize we're in the dystopic, post-apocalyptic era– as far as Detroit's concerned. While Ford rushes its Fiesta compact into production (hola!) and focuses on its existing passenger cars, they've come up with the Flex, a big ass people mover. Seven seats and xB style. How great is that?