In February, Porsche built their 200,000th Cayenne. Come August they'll be building their most bat guano. Meet the new Turbo S. True, the old Cayenne Turbo S had 521 horsepower. But you can barely go across the Gobi desert with that, let alone show your face in the mall parking lot. That's why the new Porker is squeezing 550 horses out of its 4.8-liter twin-turbo mill. Oh, and you want to talk twisting force? The Motor Authority reports that torque's up as well, from 531 lb-ft to 553, allowing you to crush all the other SUVs at the PTA meeting with a flick of your ankle. Actually, forget SUVs– you could totally waste the homecoming queen's 335i to 60 mph (4.7 seconds for the former versus 4.8 seconds for the latter). Sure, her little brother might be driving an equally quick Bimmer 135i, but at least your deformed Touareg is better looking. More good news: the ultimate suburban assault vehicle comes standard with 21 inch donks, way bigger than the 20 inchers found on your neighbors' 'Slades and Benz GL420s. Toss in voice activated Nav, a TV plus a (presumably) killer 14-speaker Bose sound system and there is no question who's the king of the Burger King drive-thru. 'Cause it's you. Most importantly, the new Cayenne Turbo S gives you the option of massive 16 inch carbon-ceramic brakes up front and 14.5 inch gob-stoppers out back. God forbid you should run over little Timmy's Big Wheel. Remember, it's a jungle out there.
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I wonder if–for the first time in recent memory–Porsche’s actual fleet fuel economy will be wors than any of the big 3’s?
That freaking grille is just a such a wide empty gap, it reminds me of that goatse picture or whatever. It’s nasty. But I guess quite a few people are into that sort of stuff.
Mmmm… 550 horses…
lprocter1982:
I know…
Just what we needed.
Well, Jonny, you’ve made reading about this stupid thing fun! Thanks. David
Jonny:
Great review. This was the review, wasn’t it???
200,000 Cayennes?! That is almost equal to the total production run of 944’s and 928s… combined. I weep for Porsche.
H. L. Menken proven correct yet again.
–chuck
Can’t we go back to the days when companies (of all types and sizes) focused on their own market vs. everyone else’s?
200,000 Cayennes?! That is almost equal to the total production run of 944’s and 928s… combined. I weep for Porsche.
Why? Production numbers like that mean the Cayenne is subsidizing the development of 911’s and Boxsters, I would think.
Wow…550hp…
Somewhere BMW’s X5 is weeping.
I just don’t get it.
it’s rather easy to explain:
Porsche is taking advantage of people who like to take their suburbia mobiles to track day…
or maybe just really stupid people who need one-up-manship to feel good for a day or two…
they’re already paying way too much for their mcmansions, so what’s another 100k or so for driving to the PTA…
Adding horsepowers may not amount to much.
A fun Top Gear segment dealt with the Mercedes CL65. Clarkson asked his studio audience how many men it would take to pull the car backwards, if it was going full tilt. “200!” “300!” “A thousand!”
“How about 8?”
People tend to forget that all that force connects from tire to tarmac through a surface about the size of a juice carton – combined.
So, if you’re in the mood to watch eight guys pull a Mercedes supercar loaded with hp, have a look here. (Tug of War segment begins at the 7:50 mark.)
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/top-gear-mercedes-benz-cl65-amg-by-husyk/1212774835
What would have been fun, would be to see how many horses those guys could pull. That wouldn’t be as many as four proper draught horses, probably two will do to pull the men off their feet- which makes one have to rethink horsepower applied to cars.
Thanks, Chuck. Could not have put it better myself.
BTW, your site has some truly, heart-renchingly beautiful examples of automotive desire.
Aw, thanks Porsche. I already tremble in fear when I spy one of these in the bar-end mirrors on my Kaw 750. I usually just hope they’re not running late for Tai Kwan Do classes…
Cayenne ! The water buffalo of cars.
i scored a test drive in the cayenne Gt about 2 weeks ago, the thing was loaded with an MSRP close to 100k. for that you’d think you’d get bluetooth, but no, it’s not available at any price. maybe in this new turbo. here in california it will soon be against the law to hold your cell phone to your ear so bluetooth is an important option. and an ipod connection? fogetabboutit! this is porsche, value has no place here.
The most powerful trash truck on earth, and one where there the trash itself gets to do the driving, to boot.
Make fun of it all you want. 200k Cayennes will mean an awesome source of cheap kit-car engines 20 years down the road.
For comparison, all we’ve got to work with now are anemic 80’s V8’s and rattly turbo 4-pots of the same era (of the cheap ones, that is).
Thus, nothing wrong with Cayenne. It does what a Porsche is supposed to do (it goes fast), makes boatloads of money for its company, and will provide cheap gigantic brakes, wheels and engines down the road.
When Tony Soprano bought Carm a Cayenne to replace her E Class Benz wagon, that told me all I needed to know.
Once again, a bunch of negative comments with no basis in anything. Sure, I don’t want that big an engine in my SUV. Certainly, if I wanted performance, I would get a sports car. However, what does a person who wants a car that does everything do to deserve the slings and arrows?
Most of the cars we all drive are stupid in one way or another. Get over all the hate folks.