“The whole world shines shit and calls it gold,” remarked Michael Steintorf, the savvy chief of staff for The Wire’s fictional mayor of Baltimore. Which goes a long way towards explaining the one-word job description of auto show “talent.” As part of its ongoing effort to document the lifestyle formerly known as Detroit, the Freep has a list today of notable former auto show talent. And boy does that list say it all about the career opportunities for auto show personalities. Pam Dawber of “Mork and Mindy,” OJ Simpson murder non-witness Kato Kaelin, and Tim Allen are the most recognizable names listed. And besides following the luminous paths forged by those visionary performers, new auto show talent will apparently also have a leg up in the worlds of local broadcasting and trophy-wifedom. So we must know: who do you, TTAC’s Best and Brightest, think should take up the thankless task of burnishing Detroit’s products at this year’s Detroit Auto Show? William Hung? Ashley Alexandra Dupre? Barney Frank? Let us know.
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Oscar the Grouch
Britney Spears – she can sing “Baby one more time”…
Kato Kaelin is ideal for this job. Bibendum, Tony th’ Tiger, Poppin’ Fresh, Mr. Clean–all too good for this. Heck! I shouldn’t have even mentioned Bibendum in this context!
Bobby Mcfarlene “dont worry be happy”
Well, c’mon, Tim Allen’s fairly funny. Or is this some other Tim Allen you’re talking about?
Anyway, I suggest they look into Gladys Knight, sans Pips. I went to her show ten years or so ago. As I recall, she spent 40 minutes introducing her backup band (while they idled in the key of B-flat-minor) and talking about herself, sang her hit (which I never liked all that much, whatever it was and it wasn’t as good without Pips, anyway), said “thank you” and disappeared without a trace.
I liked that very last bit the best. The whole experience was sort of like GM and the Camaro or GM and the Volt. Plenty of talk but, at bottom, nothing to see here, move along.
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Or, seriously, if the show is shopping for real value in entertainment, they should try to get The Jayhawks or Gary Louris (I think that’s their principal singer’s name). They charted to some extent with a song called “Blue,” which should fit the occasion pretty well and The Jayhawks are actually pretty good.
Or The BoDeans. They’ve got a great song called “Misery.” Oh, yeah, that’s the ticket. They’ve also got the ironically named “Paradise” to offer. It’s even more downbeat than “Misery.” I’ve seen them live and they’re a pretty good band (I was willing to shell out for all their discs). One of their principals, Kurt Neumann, recently recorded, in some association with the rest of The BoDeans, an album called, “Shy Dog,” which, if I understand correctly, is about his dog, who died. I haven’t heard that one, yet, but I imagine it’s full of material that would fit this occasion well.
The Kinks could sing Where Have All The Good Times Gone.
Actually, The Kinks would be great candidates based on the above mentioned song and their other hit Low Budget (‘I used to suck cigars now I suck Polo mints’). On the other hand, I like The Kinks and wouldn’t subject them to this.
Hmmmm, how about my old fave The Forgotten Rebels who could break in to Surfin’ on Heroine whenever Bob Lutz says, well, anything. (Their other songs mightn’t be so well received though.)
One other band played a song called Money Talks (I think) sometime around ’80. I remember the lyric ‘Money talks but it sure ain’t talkin’ to me’. Damned if I can remember the band.
Ashley Alexander Dupre? Only if she is performing for free. *Ba-BUMP tish*
But aren’t these Z-list sub-celebrities the perfect people to be pimping Z-list sub Detroit cars? For once, Detroit is matching its marketing to its products.
Nevertheless, here are some others I would nominate for this role:
The cast of “Heroes” for the Chrysler stand. There are some many of them, it would make the stand look full.
Heidi and Spencer from “The Hills”. If there are two people who know how make something out of absolutely nothing, it’s these two. Detroit needs to sit at their feet and worship.
Clint Eastwood, playing his character, Walt Kowalski, from “Gran Torino”. The foul-mouthed, racist Detroit die-hard living in the past. In fact, make him the Grand Marshall of the whole event. The elect him head of the UAW.
Priceless.
How about Bush? A little comedy relief would be nice! Not the best representative of the people who now own Detroit, but it would definitely be funny!
Hold it Kluttz I agree TheRealAutoGuy A TTAC guy
calls my product”excrement”Is that not flaming Mr Farago?
Further more Kluttz if I saw you and your Honda with a smoked tranny.I WOULD stop and help you.
TheRealAutoGuy: Unless you’re making an offer, I’m not in the business of selling my excrement. And in the interest of fairness, excrement is defined as waste matter from an animal body. Rest assured we will leave no stone unturned as we attempt to use the English language to describe the matter excreted from Detroit as accurately as possible.
Springsteen. I bet he could come up with a really nice tune about running over pigeons on the NJ Turnpike in a 396 Chevelle. Might not save GM, but it would probably cause a price increase for vintage Chevelles.
Jon Corzine(NJ Guv) extolling the safety features inherent in Big SUVs if you happen to run off a turnpike at 90-95MPH.
Better yet Barbara Streisand signing, “The Way We Were”…………
Memries,
Like the cornors of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had a chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we? could we?
Memries, may be beatuiful and yet
Whats too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So its the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember…
The way we were…
The way we were…
63CorvairSpyder:
If we’re going to loot La Streisand’s catalogue for documentary accompaniment to Detroit’s implosion, my I suggest “Stony End” as a better anthem?
“Never mind the forecast cause the sky has lost control,
cause the fury and broken thunder’s come to match my raging soul,
now I don’t believe I want to see the morning.
Going down the Stoney End, I never wanted to go down the Stoney End.
Mama, let me start all over. Cradle me, mama, cradle me.
Going down the Stoney End, I never wanted to go down the Stoney End.
Mama, let me start all over. Cradle me, mama, cradle me again…
Notice not a single reference to “excrement” (bought or sold!) anywhere to be seen.
I think the list in the Freep was more focused at people who later became more famous.
Sure, this year everyone is cutting back. At the media preview there will be low key presentations, no fireworks, simpler press kits, less catering and the catering that there will be will be simpler and cheaper. Chrysler announced that there will be no free lunch like they usually do @ NAIAS, and they won’t be having the Firehouse bar & grill for journalists and Chrysler folks to eat and drink. Actually, in terms of food, it’s always looked to me that the domestics never had as fancy food as Nissan and VW. I wonder if VW will fly in a Lufthansa catering crew from Munich like they have in recent years.
Things have been getting simpler and cheaper for the past few years. There still will be some celebrities because there always are. Also, now and then you do get to see some talented folks. A couple of years ago when introducing the new CTS, GM started with a string quartet and then brought out Nuttin’ But Stringz, a couple of pretty talented brothers who combine neoclassical with hip hop.
@gaycorvette,
It’s a slam dunk Streisand for the Detroit Auto Show.
63
How about our new savior (the chosen one), Barack Hussein Obama?
How about Rick Wagoner in a dunk tank?