“To live outside the law,” Dylan sang, “you must be honest.” And so we come to the final part of a series that has offended some and delighted others. Just to provide some value to the querulous quislings of quaint quotidian travel, I’ll pass along one tip for the highway cell-phone snitch. Most highway patrol operations discount singular drunk-driving phone-ins, but they are not permitted to ignore reports of brandished firearms. Don’t like the speeder who just blew by? Call him in for waving a gun. Use a prepaid phone for this, as most cops have little patience for being used in this fashion. Some would say that snitching is bad; didn’t our mothers tell us not be little snitches? Still, you know what’s best for others, so go ahead and make that call.
The rest of us can take the offramp into the suburbs and exurbian roads and practice our maximum street speed here as well. We’d like to take most marked ramps at double the marked limit or above, and this will often lead us to interface with minivans, SUVs, and hybrids for whom the yellow advisory sign reflects a terrifying pinnacle of death-defying speed. Pass ’em on the outside of the lane. There are two reasons for this. The first is that you’ll maintain a higher speed for the same G-load. The second is that if you run out of talent or grip you will exit harmlessly away from the car you are passing, instead of inadvertently re-entering their lane and “PIT”ing them.
I’ve never had anybody acquire the presence of mind to block me in time when doing an offramp pass. It’s simply beyond the program of most road users. Don’t forget to wave in a self-deprecating, thankful manner as you go by. Most people will assume you’ve made some sort of mistake.
It’s nearly impossible to reach triple digits on surface streets, but that doesn’t mean we cannot flow at beyond traffic speeds. Forget about doing a series of back-and-forth lane-changes. That usually produces the same result it did in the movie “Office Space”. Instead, use the turn lane to run up to the end of traffic and then rejoin the main flow.
I’d be fibbing if I said that I always experienced perfect success with my “last-minute faux-forgetful merge technique”. Some drivers can be stubborn. To combat this, I purchased a 1991 Chevrolet Caprice Classic woodgrain-trim wagon, known as a “bubble” in the argot of the streets, and immediately experienced the freedom to merge without fear.
When operating vehicles at speeds of about 35mph or below, most motorists are alert enough to compensate for your traffic-defying behavior, up to and including temporarily driving in the oncoming lane. When I need to do something like jump a green light and left-turn an intersection before that traffic can start moving, I find it’s helpful to clutch a deactivated cell phone to my ear, as if I were enraptured by conversation. This fits into other drivers’ preconceptions—a distracted phone user—and they fail to take direct offense to aggressive action.
The fake cellphone is also a great aid to merging into occupied lanes. Move your car over, absolutely fail to make eye contact with any other drivers, look back once the merge is complete, wave the phone apologetically, and continue on.
Sometimes we’re in a situation where traffic simply isn’t moving and a U-turn is required. But there isn’t enough room or time to do one due to a tight road or approaching traffic. What to do? The answer is the “Jarno Donut.” It works with most RWD cars. Crank the wheel all the way to the left, rev to five grand, drop the clutch. The first time you try it you may wind up doing a 270 instead of a 180, so practice at home. Of course, it’s called a “Jarno Donut” in tribute to that outstanding qualifier and vintner, Jarno Trulli, who frequently finds himself backwards in his Toyota.
To open up room for aggressive maneuvers, we can take advantage of a certain panic response in most drivers. When they hear squealing tires in the immediate vicinity, curiosity and concern will make them slow down and scan the immediate area. If we need a car to move out of a lane and the adjoining one is open, we can drive up at a higher speed and engage the ABS next to them as we sail by. This almost always produces a sympathetic brake slam and opens the spot.
Final tip: every Prius ever made will always yield its road position to an aggressive driver, as will every car on the road with more than one “Obama ’08” sticker. Good night, and good luck.
[Click here to read Part I . . . or Part II . . . or Part III . . . of this series. Note: as these editorials have triggered some strong emotions, I’ve turned off our no-flaming the website/author policy. Ish. I reserve the right to douse particularly egregious examples in an entirely first amendment friendly sort of way.]
Please, sweet baby Jesus, please put these articles out of my misery. I’ve read better writing in a preschool. Reading this garbage is more painful than watching Steve Wozniak on “Dancing with the Stars.” Can someone please tell the author he’s wearing pink lamé and isn’t as witty as he thinks he is?
Passing on the outside of the offramp sounds like fun. I must try that sometime.
What I have done with success is to outbrake other road users going into the offramp. The one with the Obama sticker moves over to take the offramp. Move in next to him; you might even speed up a bit. When he/she brakes, that’s your cue. Keep going, brake at the last moment and shoot onto the offramp.
All this stuff is so much easier on a motorcycle. And you stand far less chance of injuring anyone other than yourself. Why do this in a car???
Your ramps are wide enough for two abreast driving? Must be nice. As my local roads have not seen fresh asphalt in some 15-20 years, and are in a state of disrepair somewhere ‘goat path’ and ‘cratered ruin’ I shall have to pass on these otherwise interesting techniques. I have enough fun dodging potholes like they were autocross cones in my own lane, thanks. I prefer on-ramps for flat-out acceleration anyway. I have noticed that my new AEM intake is occasionally useful for clearing the path ahead. The banshee wail as the engine approaches the 8350 rev limiter will make some folks think that they are being strafed by a fighter jet as their SUV mirrors are unable to see my 4′ tall car behind them. They move left onto the highway well before they are ready, freeing up the remainder of the merge lane for me to enjoy. I’ve used that late-braking manouver for off-ramps a couple of times too – good times!
I, II, and III actually had useful information in them. I would not choose to run at that hyper velocity, but much of that information is useful for those who chose to run 30 over on the highway. Part IV, well at first I thought that we would have more of the same, but this time you have to be chain yanking. Can’t say that I could see you owning a 91 Caprice. I loathe people who, instead of waiting in line to exit properly, zip by all the traffic and then try to squeeze in to get to the exit without the wait. Not in front of me, you won’t. If I’m in my station car, I close the gap with the car in front of me to about the thickness of a sheet of paper. Then the horse blinders go on. You will have to hit me to get in, as I pretend that there is nothing to my left. Once, somebody did hit me, and I fixed the damage myself with his money and kept the leftover $500 for a new pair of skis. If I was in my good car, I would still close the gap, and if his car was better than mine, I might still take my chances. And if the car trying to sneak in has politically offensive stickers on it, like “Rush is Right”, then I’ll never let them in.
this is a boring series, but it makes me smile.
Hey, the pic is an IC of a Merc CLS550. I will hope to not see that message pop up when I try these suggestions when I get the car in a couple of weeks.
I dunno, Jack, there was a time when I found your ramblings verging on cool, but this garbage has lost a “cool”-stamp a long time ago. What you are prescribing is just moronic behavior that infuriates and endangers other road users. To me, it is one thing to go fast safely on a deserted or lightly traveled road, but something totally different to behave like a total schmuck with total disregard for other people in heavy traffic. Such behavior is just sad.
Are you as brave as you claim when you are not hiding inside a car (waving your cellphone)? I wonder how you handle the checkout lines at your local WalMart? What super-cool tricks do you use to sneak past customers with a little more breeding than certain others?
How do you do the Jarno u-turn in the Caprice Classic? Or do you have another vehicle with a manual transmission that still allows for late merge lane changes? Inquiring minds want to know.
I’ve read better writing in a preschool.
Ditto. The content here is not controversial, its sophomoric. The writing is by far the worst I’ve read on this site.
RF – I thought TTAC was meant to be a safe haven from the drivel on the other sites (and the grunting, pissing matches in their comment sections). I really question the wisdom of publishing this nonsense.
While I am not as offended as many with this series, I am bothered by the author’s complete lack of respect for anyone else on the road. Apparently anyone not driving this way is a loser, in his mind. Many of us, who like to drive – even drive fast, believe in courtesy to others. We also know that there are others driving very capably, regardless of their choice of bumper sticker. Sure there are lots of undercapable, or distracted types, but I don’t appreciate the author’s assumption that I am one of those.
Colour me impressed, jackasses pull these kinds of moves on my commute all the time, and I have been known to follow them long enough that they need to replace their y-fronts, or to turn a lovely shade of scarlet while informing them at the next light of what I think.
Credit where credit is due, the phone or woody would induce a head shake, Baruth has the mental game won.
You’re all jealous that he thought of it first.
Also, if you’re charged by the police for using your cellphone while driving, you can dodge part of the charge by producing your phone records, voila! -who, me? On the phone?
I’m pro snitching.
Another essay from this jerk? Please, make it stop. Jack, are you foolish enough to actually pull the stunts you write about? Someday your antics will go awry, and the attorney who sues the daylights out of you will perform a quick Google search and find your thoughtful series. It won’t help you any.
@crush157 :
Hey, the pic is an IC of a Merc CLS550.
No way. Look at the tach, it’s a diesel. E-Class, CLK or CLS.
Geez, what a letdown. I thought this was the part of the series when I could finally learn how to drive 80mph through a school zone at 7 AM, dodge school buses and not get caught. I feel cheated.
Thank you for the series. Do you have a specific offramp you can recommend in either the Dayton or Cincy area for practice?
Final tip: every Prius ever made will always yield its road position to an aggressive driver, as will every car on the road with more than one “Obama ‘08” sticker.
Watch out for my former brother-in-law’s Prius that has a NRA sticker, “Keep honking I’m reloading” and “NObama” stickers.
I think most everyone who had a car and went to high school knows what a Jarno Donut is, just not the name. Self taught.
@Mirko
Hey, the pic is an IC of a Merc CLS550.
No way. Look at the tach, it’s a diesel. E-Class, CLK or CLS.
Yep, the 550 has a 6200 redline. my bad.
Three hard stops would completely fade the brakes on my old man’s 1950 Packard. It didn’t need ip warnings like the one shown. In looks it was the contemporary “pregnant elephant” to the Caprice woody referred to here. With the front fender dings where my mother hit the ferryboat and I hit the tree in our driveway, it didn’t have much problem getting right-of-way.
What a ride it’s been, plumbing the depths of anonymous Intarweb contributors’ righteous indignation! If only some of you felt as strongly about something which required a little personal effort, like obtaining clean water for children in Africa or providing guidance to American kids with dead or missing parents, I think we could just about lick some of society’s biggest issues.
A few comments:
0. This was the final part of the series, indicated plainly as such in the first and final paragraphs. The estrogen-laced screeds about “please make it stop” and “no moar plz” kind of make it plain that you didn’t even read the first sentence before composing your reply.
1. I would never fib about something as serious as owning a bubble:
http://squidcar.com/carimages/bubble/tablepage.html
I sold it around the time the CL55 arrived. Remember, these are tips acquired over time. I didn’t just go out and do this stuff yesterday.
2. The IP in the header photo was taken by me at the end of three laps of Autobahn Country Club’s South Course (I think, whichever the longer one is) in our Mercedes E320 CDI. We ran that car in the 2006 One Lap of America and won the Alternative Fuel class in a blissful, entirely uncontested week.
As always, thanks for reading. I’ll close with a non-sarcastic, heartfelt statement. It makes me sad that so many TTAC readers can muster up so much sympathy on behalf of all the motorists I’ve killed or maimed doing this stuff (a shockingly low total, really) while at the same time gleefully rubbing their hands at the prospect of GM’s and Chrysler’s failure. Make no mistake abou t it. I couldn’t ruin as many lives in a century of deliberately aggressive driving as these bankruptcies and failures are certain to do in 2009 and 2010.
The cost of GM’s failure will be measured in actual lives. There will be suicides; heck, there probably already have been suicides. There will be people who die because their medical coverage has disappeared, children whose futures are blighted by their parents’ sudden poverty, lives which are ruined by failure, pregnancies aborted due to loss of income, neighborhoods lost to drugs and crime, entire areas of the country dropped beneath the poverty line in an instant.
From the safety of your cubicles and home offices, you gloat at this destruction and rail against those subhuman “line workers” and “lazy UAW slugs”. Well, take this as cold comfort: Some day perhaps I’ll lose control of my S5 and go blitzing into a schoolbus of kids at 173mph… but those kids could all be the children of UAW workers, which means they don’t really count, right?
See you on the freeway.
I think Jack can do better. This is pretty shite.
I’d like to know what the author thinks he’s accomplishing by writing this series.
@Jack Baruth:
If only some of you felt as strongly about something which required a little personal effort, like obtaining clean water for children in Africa or providing guidance to American kids with dead or missing parents…
Make no mistake about it. I couldn’t ruin as many lives in a century of deliberately aggressive driving as these bankruptcies and failures are certain to do in 2009 and 2010.
From the safety of your cubicles and home offices, you gloat at this destruction and rail against those subhuman “line workers” and “lazy UAW slugs”. Well, take this as cold comfort: Some day perhaps I’ll lose control of my S5 and go blitzing into a schoolbus of kids at 173mph… but those kids could all be the children of UAW workers, which means they don’t really count, right?
_
And you accuse your critics of spouting knee-jerk “estrogen-laced screeds” that are full of righteous indignation?
The estrogen-laced screeds about “please make it stop” and “no moar plz” kind of make it plain that you didn’t even read the first sentence before composing your reply.
Ah, yes, if you believe it just might be unwise to drive 130 mph on a busy highway you’re just an estrogen-laced (does that mean gay?) weenie. Well, put me in my place!
Some day perhaps I’ll lose control of my S5 and go blitzing into a schoolbus of kids at 173mph… but those kids could all be the children of UAW workers, which means they don’t really count, right?
Jack, whatever point you’re trying to make… it isn’t working.
Great to see the discourse of this site “progress” to this level.
If I wanted homophobia and misogyny, I’d go to every other car website out there. This place? I’d like to think it has (had?) standards.
See, RF, this isn’t about censorship. It’s about editorial integrity. Editors are supposed to filter out the content that doesn’t cut it, and you can tell by the responses here that these pieces just don’t cut it. Mr. Baruth’s vitriolic comebacks and terrible UAW worker “analogies” don’t help, either.
See you on the freeway.
I sincerely hope not.
While Jack’s driving style is certainly wreckless, I have never almost been killed by someone driving like him.
Slow-pokes on 2 lane highways who don’t yield to passing cars, do not leave openings in the right lane for passing cars to return to or who speed up when you try and pass (all 3 break provincial traffic laws) have almost killed me. Numerous times. Probably while telling the wife “The speeding *NSFW* is going going to kill someone! The nerve!”
I couldn’t ruin as many lives in a century of deliberately aggressive driving as these bankruptcies and failures are certain to do in 2009 and 2010.
That’s the dumbest fucking logic I’ve ever heard.
“A big company’s going down. Let’s go kill people!”
I guess there’s no chance someone hijacked Baruth’s log-in? Is the comment above really from him?
If so, then Baruth might want to give the whole writing thing a rest for a while, unless it means he goes driving instead.
It’s a conundrum. Is this The Bullshit About Cars from now on?
Reading these articles, I was thinking: how can this be?
A man of wonderful ability, of fine writing talent, who has seemingly little appreciation of the sanctity of human life? Why would a smart guy like Jack write like an asshole with money?
So I thought, this is just tongue in cheek, it’s too over the top — JB is punking TTAC. No car enthusiast would risk his licence (nay, his criminal record) just to shave a few minutes off the daily commute.
And then I read the “non-sarcastic, heartfelt statement” posted above, and I’m glad.
Listen folks, these articles are intended to be literature, akin to what jurisb wrote. More Burroughs than Consumer Reports. Not pleasant, but not dangerous either, I would say. Don’t take it too seriously.
And drive carefully — there’d be plenty killers on the road even if JB had never penned a word.
Nattering nabobs and all that notwithstanding, even a mild uptick in driver adoption of the techniques Jack outlines here will ignite higher incidence of road rage and generally further degrade the already-declining level of social cooperation on American streets and highways.
It will take many years for high-output cars (mine included) to fall out of daily use but just possibly the coming (mistaken) regulation of CO2 emissions will eventually result in a fleet of automobiles less ego-gratifying for their power, speed and quickness advantage over mainstream drivers’ steeds.
That’s a lamentable development for autophiles but it will be the revenge of the majority spurred by a minority of social misfits who overstep the bounds of spirited driving, instead terrorizing those who amble. Unlike words, which are nearly and properly unregulated in our society, the roads are a public venue subject to heavy regulation for which use via automobile is a privilege rather than a right. And I say this as someone who tends to view speed limits as advisory, and traffic lights and stop signs as law.
Neither Baruth’s authoring of this series, nor Farago’s choice to publish are wrong; nor is any apology owed by people who take offense and choose to change the channel. But we should recognize that living the behavior suggested in this series is inimical to our collective self interest as aficionados of personal transportation and the vehicles available for it. Nor does publishing this under the banner of a branded venue on the web, uncontained by exclusive distribution, help us protect our interest in unfettered personal mobility.
This sort of thing is better passed down via oral tradition in the manner of a friend’s Dad who once offered his advice for how to drive sleepy or mildly inebriated (steer with only your right hand on the wheel at 2 or 3 o’clock, so if you drift off you will veer rightward and wake up when your front tire hits or crosses the berm). Such dissemination of hard-won knowledge then passes through a filter of the recipient’s experience and he can determine whether results render the advice worth passing along.
By the way, Jack, while your techniques may be tolerated by motorists back east, some will elicit an armed response in California. And the cell phone wave-off? That’s just reason for the caliber of armed response to be upgraded.
As matter of principle I have no issue with Robert publishing Jack’s ‘Max Speed’ series, but as a practical matter in the context of self-interest, for us or TTAC as a brand, I wouldn’t have bothered.
Phil
The writing is by far the worst I’ve read on this site.
While I don’t agree with you, it’s nice to know that at least one person doesn’t think my stuff is the worst.
I wonder what the reaction from some folks would be if TTAC got permission to republish stuff by Hunter Thompson or P.J. O’Rourke. I have the impression that some would accuse TTAC of promoting the abuse of extract of pineal gland and overinflating Cadillac tires (to make it handle like a Lotus Elan).
From the safety of your cubicles and home offices, you gloat at this destruction and rail against those subhuman “line workers” and “lazy UAW slugs”.
Yeah, it’s that simple Jack. Nice global “you” when mentioning “lazy UAW slugs.”
Lots of anger here, Jack. You’re logical, unemotional and precise when you write about driving at speed. But, at the end, you go Oprah-demographic by channeling Walter Reuther and ‘Save The Children’. WTF?
Is there no reasonable criticism of UAW style unions – their pensions, their gold-brick work rules, their uncompetitive, non-skilled labor rates?
But hey, if you think most B&B are just haters who think anyone with a union card is an insect, like they say, stereotypes are great time savers.
I’m glad this thing has ended, but I feel bad that nobody at TTAC seems to feel ashamed of themselves for this whole episode, and even defend it. I had previously thought TTAC stood for something a little better then this. Or a lot better.
And if the car trying to sneak in has politically offensive stickers on it, like “Rush is Right”, then I’ll never let them in.
Please remind us again how progressives and other on the left are more compassionate and tolerant than conservatives.
Perhaps I should take your example and act likewise to folks who still have Obama ’08 stickers on their cars. After all, if they can’t figure out that the election has been over for 7 months, they may not be intelligent enough to actually know how to drive.
I’ve read, but pretty much otherwise ignored , this series.
This is the one where he either jumps the shark, so to speak, or proves he’s just trolling.
Exit lane cut backs to get ahead of traffic? This is maximum street speed?
Puhlease.
Obama stickers? When you see my “veterans for obama” sticker Jack, make your move :)
Agreed on the Prius drivers though, so there’s at least one nugget of truth in and amongst the bullshit.
While Jack’s driving style is certainly wreckless, I have never almost been killed by someone driving like him.
And hopefully you never will.
There is no way of putting a positive spin on this. Jack is worse than a bad driver, he is a good driver who chooses to endanger and piss off other people just for the thrill of it.
Jack, if you fancy yourself as an outlaw, rest assured that so do some of the people you blow past at 130mph. It might be the short-tempered construction worker in the Dodge Ram, or it might be me, the unassuming family guy with the minivan full of children and the black belt in karate. You won’t see us on the freeway; you will see us in the Burger King parking lot.
Jason :
May 25th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I’m glad this thing has ended, but I feel bad that nobody at TTAC seems to feel ashamed of themselves for this whole episode, and even defend it. I had previously thought TTAC stood for something a little better then this. Or a lot better.
RF “defended” the series a few days ago.
Link: https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/why-i-posted-jack-baruths-maximum-street-speed-editorials/
Someone posted a video of Baruth’s driving in another thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Puc8nkpzUmU
It’s interesting, to say the least.
Looks like “viergang” (in the comments) is Baruth.
The point of my “response” was not to bash women, gay people (where’d you get that?) or, G-d forbid, gay women, but rather to compare how we, as TTACers, view actual harm vs. potential harm.
There is real, documented damage being done to hundreds of thousands of (North) American men, women, and children through this “Carpocalypse”, but the discussion online all too often resembles the friendly banter one might enjoy over a barbecue. Another 40,000 jobs lost! Ha ha ha! Somebody pass the Grey Goose! Could we muster some sympathy for those people that is even a small percentage of that expressed for the as-yet-ephemeral victims of “maximum street speed”? Do most of you feel so distant from “working-class” Americans that you simply don’t care?
As a child, I read Gordon Baxter’s descriptions of on-road (insanity/stupidity/unashamedly old-school masculine vehicle operation/your description here) and wondered how it was that grownups could act like that. But Bax is dead now. Setright, a man whose on-road pace was so murderous the other CAR editors would refuse to ride with him even in-town, is long gone. The new generation of automotive writers counts cupholders, obsesses over panel gaps, and holds me up during manufacturer-sponsored track events. I attended a track event a while ago where most of the journos were fifteen to twenty seconds a lap off the pace… and yet, those guys would be the first to bleat “take it to the track”. If you do take it to the track, stay out of my way.
Baxter would always close by saying, “I never hurt anyone else and I never put a car on its back.” Nowadays, that’s not good enough, I suppose.
@TZ: Ha! NASA knocked me down to the third step of the podium for that hit. Oh well, at least I set fast lap of the race, finished just a few seconds behind the winner, and incidentally set a track record that lasted almost a year. Passing other drivers in a spec series can be frustrating, particularly when the car you’re trying to pass is prepped identically to yours.
@don1967: It is true that I have been approached by a couple of angry people in parking lots over the years, but if they had black belts, they must have come out of cereal boxes. :)
Lots of studies have shown that the relationship between deviations from the mean speed and traffic accidents follow a U-shaped curve, with accidents rising above and below the mean speed.
This mean has been set to correspond to the abilities of drivers, relative to the kinds of traffic problems they will meet and be required to navigate at various speed intervals.
Serious accidents and fatalities show a higher incidence above the mean than below, due to the greater forces involved.
One itsy bitsy conclusion:
In 29 states with speed limits greater than 65 mph, there was a 13% increase in the risk of traffic fatalities (risk ratio 1.13, 95% confidence interval [CI] 1.03 to 1.24, P = .009). An estimated 2,985 lives may be saved per year with a nationwide speed limit of 65 mph or less.
Conclusions
Nationwide restriction of speed limits to 65 mph or less will save almost 3,000 lives every year.
But what the hey, it’s just a few people, right? You can multiply those deaths by 50 to find the number of serious injuries, though.
Not survey says, but surgeons say:
http://www.ajsfulltextonline.com/article/S0002-9610(07)00203-6/abstract
The “carpocalypse” argument is ridiculous, Baruth. Unless we’re allowed to examine the extent to which drivers such as you contributed – by creating an artificial market for ridiculously overpowered, way too heavy and fuel inefficient vehicles.
Thanks, Jack, I’ve really enjoyed this series; sorry to see it come to an end. It really brings a smile to my face to think about the images you’ve invoked as well as to see how well and truly you have jerked the chains of some of the folks responding to these posts.
Now, whereas a “bubble” could be quite effective in some of the maneuvers you cited, my preference would go a mildly clapped out early ‘70s Suburban with the big block.
@Stein X: I’m fascinated by your term “artificial market”. The automotive market is the product of man-made endeavor, therefore it is “artificial”, or the product of artifice, by definition. Did you mean something else? Is there such a thing as a “natural market” for automobiles, perhaps limited to the vehicles which would be purchased by bonobos, chimpanzees, and dolphins?
At any given time, I own/lease/finance between 5 and 8 cars. I use my money to acquire and operate them. I don’t rely on government aid, State-funded programs, or anything other than my own effort and, of course, the benevolent hand of Fate. Unlike some of my compatriots in the auto press, I don’t take “long-term testers”. If I have it for more than eight days, I write the check that makes the young girls cry, so to speak.
The last vehicle I bought was a 2009 Ford Flex Limited. I thought it was important to personally support my fellow US (design) Canadian (assembly) and Mexican (seatbelts, according to the label) workers by casting a fiscal vote of confidence in their ability to make it through these times. Was that “artificial”, or was it “natural”?
Please tell me more about your theory of non-artificial markets for man-made products. I’m also interested in hearing about how you know what’s best for me, and others, to purchase.
Just keep them comin’…
like obtaining clean water for children in Africa
Props for mentioning the most serious health problem in the world, a lack of clean, safe drinking water.
BTW, Rachel Carson, by maligning DDT, the most effective tool in fighting malaria, may have been responsible for millions of deaths.
A man of wonderful ability, of fine writing talent, who has seemingly little appreciation of the sanctity of human life?
Why is it that writers and songwriters can have amazingly clear perception of emotions or relationships yet be completely boneheaded about politics or religion? How can religious leaders of unquestionable spirituality sin? How could someone with the talent of John Lennon write dreck like Imagine?
These things are indeed a puzzlement.
FWIW, those who criticize Jack’s writing should try to do it themselves. I’m not whining, but it isn’t easy. The Maximum Street Speed Explained series is at least 3000 words. By comparison, it usually takes me at least 4 hours of writing and editing to craft 800-1000 words.
Talk about being a a-hole driver.
Your entitled to your opinion and rants if R.F. allows it.
What really got me; was the fact that in your long 4 article rant/rave/voimt, whatever.
You comeout and rip on people for snitching?
“Some would say that snitching is bad; didn’t our mothers tell us not be little snitches?”
Didn’t our mothers tell us not to speed?
what kind of warped mind has a problem with people reporting flargant law breakers, but not give a rats ass about speeding?
Or how about if we extend this to R.F.’s rape example.
You see a rape, dont snitch. Because mommy said not to.
Have thoroughly enjoyed this series and the resultant comments.
I, too, was a bit unsure about this “final” installment until I read the authors responses to some of the critical commentary aimed his direction. The obvious straw-men “defenses” listed give away the show.
So don’t be too bothered when he “crashes” and his wife has to “shit” in a “bag” the rest of her “life.” It will all be perfectly fitting and ironic.
See you “on” the freeway. Literally.
H
The point of my “response” was not to bash women, gay people (where’d you get that?) or, G-d forbid, gay women, but rather to compare how we, as TTACers, view actual harm vs. potential harm.
I think it was Lenny Bruce, of blessed memory, who said that you can joke about gay guys (I think Lenny used the word queers or faggots, but this was prePC and Lenny was the most un PC person possible in any case) but you can’t joke about lesbians (pretty sure that Bruce said “dykes”) because lesbians will beat you up.
What??? A joke based on a stereotype?? Oh my! Oh gosh! Aren’t we all so glad that we live in more enlightened times? When comedians speak truth to power by mocking the previous administration, when “Bush is an idiot” has become a set piece, this generation’s Niagara Falls bit.
Lenny did a routine called “Christ and Moses”, where Jesus and Moses return and are appalled by both the poverty they see and the wealth of established religions (Lenny was, after all, a man of the cultural left so it was natural for him to satirize the RCC). I wonder what Lenny would say if he returned to see self-neutered comics carrying water for the president.
Lenny joked about the Kennedy assassination when it was still fresh. He derided the official story that Jackie was helping a Secret Service agent onto the back deck of the car, saying that she was getting out of Dodge and the agent was keeping her from bailing out. “Hauling ass to save her ass” got him arrested in Richard Daley’s Chicago. Daley wasn’t going to have no junkie Jewish comedian mock the grieving widow of the martyred JFK.
Now we have a self proclaimed lesbian comic giving the president a verbal blow job at the WHCD, traditionally a venue for ‘roasting’ the prez, not fellating him. I don’t think that Lenny could think up something that bizarre.
If anyone wants to practice some of Jack’s techniques legally, come to Massachusetts. Breakdown lane passing/driving is legal during certain hours on parts of I93 and 128/I95.
For an even better experience, go to a New England Patriots game and leave the stadium via route 1 northbound and then 95. You get both breakdown lane driving on route 1 and the experience of two lanes of traffic on a normally one lane entrance ramp when you go from route 1 to 95. The state “cones” off the right lane of northbound 95 for the ramp traffic from route 1 to make merging a little easier.
Because I had been exposed to Hunter Thompson, P.J. O’Rourke and Kurt Vonnegut, when I read Baruth’s stuff, I recognized it for what it was, didn’t take it too seriously, and found some of it highly amusing. Yes, part 4 was the lamest, and part 2 the best.
I’m afraid that over the last ten or twenty years, we as a nation have lost much of our sense of humor. Political correctness has run amok. Sure, technically, speeding is illegal, but so is transporting full-strength beer into Utah, buying fireworks in Las Vegas, getting a “happy ending” at a massage parlor, bringing a keg to the dorms at many state universities, etc. To equate it with rape or even underage prostition is an over-reaction. Speed doesn’t kill, bad driving kills. Not all speed is bad driving, not all bad driving is speed.
Part of the reason speed laws have so little respect and are so widely violated is the way speed limits are set. We view driving as a right, not a privilege, so it is extremely easy to get and renew a driver’s license. So we set our speed limits for the lowest common denominator. I’ve seen curves signed at 30 that could safely be taken at 60 (by me) and maybe even 70+ (by someone with more skill). Who is the 30 for? Someone in a minivan driving with one hand while talking on the cellphone and eating a burger? Or for ticket revenue?
We’ve dismantled much of Amtrak out west, we’ve turned flying into an ordeal. You used to be able to take a train from Boise to Portland. You can still fly, but it takes an extra hour for enhanced security. So driving I-84 through the vast emptiness of Eastern Oregon becomes a more attractive alternative. Except the granolas in the Oregon legislature think a statewide 65 speed limit is a good idea. (only western state to think so, the rest are at 75, Texas is at 80) Many years ago, Nevada and Montana had something called “reasonable and proper”. I would think in good weather, 90 would be deemed “reasonable and proper” for most interstates in the rural west.
I’d gladly support a two-tiered licensing system, where I would pay more for my license renewal and more for my tags. There could be a separate speed limit, and the left lane of all rural interstates could be reserved for those with the enhanced license and tags. Tests could be more often and more difficult, as could vehicle inspections. If you wanted to pay the extra fees and keep you vehicles in top condition, you could drive fast in the left lane. If not, stay to the right.
Baruth: “That usually produces the same result it did in the movie “Office Space”. Instead, use the turn lane to run up to the end of traffic and then rejoin the main flow.”
Now there’s a plan. There’s a few accidents every year, just on account of that particular manuever, up at the end of my street… but don’t let that deter you.
And the physics and engineering are with you, too, so why should you worry? Should someone cross your path when you don’t expect it, you’ll be t-boning them. You’ll have maximum advantage of your crumple zones, as you hit them in the tender midsection or give ’em an angle shot on the bow.
Baruth: “Final tip: every Prius ever made will always yield its road position to an aggressive driver, as will every car on the road with more than one “Obama ’08” sticker. Good night, and good luck.”
That’s bad advice. Here in the Midwest, it’s rather more likely than not for those Priora and Obama supporters to be transplants from the East or West Coasts. Trained in The Big Apple, DC, Beantown, GranoLAland or somewhere equally congested (or even, Mother of God, Chicago), they’re used to dealing with aggressive posturing from what are actually fairly timid locals and will be expecting you to give up your lane like a good, docile Midwesterner.
About the only thing the transplants fear here is farm equipment, it’s not part of their life experience. If you’re driving a Massey Ferguson combine or some such, they’ll give you a wide berth.
I’m going to ask my local public library to block access to these articles. There are enough idiotic drivers around here as it is. Once people get a hold of this it’s going to be CARNAGE!
In fact the State Police should take it a step further and get the IP address of everyone who has ever looked at this series. They need to find out where they live and follow them everywhere they go to make sure they don’t take any of Jack’s advice to heart.
We are all in danger!
BTW, Rachel Carson, by maligning DDT, the most effective tool in fighting malaria, may have been responsible for millions of deaths.
More importantly, don’t forget the hundreds of thousands in the USA getting bedbugs each year.
@Jack Baruth
If only some of you felt as strongly about something which required a little personal effort, like obtaining clean water for children in Africa or providing guidance to American kids with dead or missing parents, I think we could just about lick some of society’s biggest issues.
Dude, seriously… I’m actually worried about your sociopathic tendencies and, in all seriousness, suggest that you get some help. Seek out a trained counselor–everyone needs this kind of thing at some point in their lives. After that, I invite you to join me as a volunteer tutor for kids from inner-city DC.
I hate to be a dick, as this seems mostly tongue-in-cheek, but I really don’t like when I encounter people who pull this crap.
Keep in mind most motorists driving SUVs just can’t see you because of blindspots and their ride height, so of course it’s trivial to blow past them on freeway ramps. As a matter of fact, most drivers are barely paying attention and are mostly zoned out, dreading the workday or dead-bent on getting home ASAP. They don’t care about you, or your antics unless you inhibit them.
As far as people yacking on cellphones (or pretending to) cutting into my lane and forcing me to brake heavily or veer: they get no sympathy. I’ll, uh, keep it at that.
Stay classy, TTAC.
Comparing this garbage to the work of Hunter S. Thompson or Vonnegut is an insult to them. Their stuff controversial but deliberately thought provoking, not to mention well written. This, on the other hand, is just some pompous jerk detailing how he pisses off other people on the road. His pathetic self-righteous defense here in the comments just adds insult to injury.
I mean using a fake cell phone? Slamming on your breaks? Gutter sneaking in the turn lane? Cheap shots at Obama supporters? Am I seriously reading these suggestions on TTAC?
I followed up to some of Baruth’s more egregious abuse of his readers with some more mild criticism of his (in my opinion terribly amateur – is that too harsh? Am I allowed to say that?) writing, but RF deleted it as “over the line.”
I guess I didn’t realize this was a one-way street.
Don’t give this guy credit for being a brilliant satirist until you watch this. (posted earlier in the thread, and others in the series)
Baruth gets frustrated in a race, blows his line a few times, then just decides it’d be easier to knock his opponent off the track.
Then brags about setting the lap record in the comments… I’ll grant that he has a fat bank account, and is a better than average driver, but also seems like a sociopathic manchild.
@PerfectZero & ickyicky:
Agreed. 100%. Baruth is not in the same league as Vonnegut or Thompson, or even O’Rourke. But he is in the same “genre”, just (much) further down the scale. I found half of it amusing and took none of it seriously.
An artificial market occurs when it is not self-sustaining, and needs to be propped up by – for instance – ridiculous credit lines, to both consumers and the companies feeding the market.
And that’s how a market can be artificial, Baruth. (I do think you need to look at the definition of the word.)
It’s not so much what it’s best for you and others to purchase, as you put it, as what makes sense, in the long run, for the manufacturers to create.
We’ve clearly seen that Detroit (and others lured by the automastodon market) should have rethought its approach to car manufacturing and market balances years and years ago. These market decisions, by the manufacturers, were contrived or even false, if you will, as proven over the years. You refer to it as the Carpocalypse, I prefer Carmageddon, but it’s the same thing.
I don’t give a flying F what kind or how many cars you buy and drive, Baruth. I’m just pointing out that as a man outstanding in your field, an inspiration and leading light to many, some of your car preferences may have sent a signal to other consumers and to manufacturers as to the viability of a market that proved to not be sustaining. Is all.
While the actions of individual consumers can each make perfect sense to that consumer, the sum can prove irrational.
I’m surprised the E-class electronics didn’t spaz out and issue a “you’ve just been pwned” warning message.
Welll okayyyyyyyy now….. looks like the MallNinja* (or CarNinja or FociNinja?) series has (mercifully) run its course ….that’d be the metaphorical course … not the MidOhio-punt-the-dude-in-front-of-me-into-the-weeds-course.
Now that we have this out of our system please return to your regularly scheduled programming. …Adults to the GM/Chryco/Ford reality show, everyone else back to editing your Wikipedia entries.
* Big props to the poster who referenced the MallNinja … that was roll-on-the-floor funny.
“Final tip: every Prius ever made will always yield its road position to an aggressive driver…”
Don’t know where you’re from. Where I’m from, Prius drivers seldom drive below 85 MPH on the interstate, and they’re usually weaving in and out of traffic with no turn signals and generally behaving like smug asshats.
Jack’s next series will cover how to beat your wife and children without leaving marks.
“Don’t know where you’re from. Where I’m from, Prius drivers seldom drive below 85 MPH on the interstate, and they’re usually weaving in and out of traffic with no turn signals and generally behaving like smug asshats.”
+1
The Prius may be pretty near what I consider the worst modern car, but the drivers are far and away the least obnoxious of the Toyota crowd. Remember, they are largely normal people who’ve been seduced by a particular car (that I get, even if I disagree). They aren’t die hard Toyota fans who actually think what the brand stands for is good automobiles. It is necessary to forgoe an interest in fast and capable cars to become a Toyota lifer.
This series is just lame. And the rationale given for it are even worse – retro-references to the good old days of auto journalism? How about the good old days of no seatbelts or airbags? I assume you are not wearing a seatbelt and have disabled your airbags, ABS, power steering, etc while doing all this good old gonzo driving of yours… how unauthentic and estrogen-laced you would be otherwise!
As for the reference to the decline of the US auto industry and the pain felt by thousands of families in Michigan – there is no correlation between not liking your writing and not feeling for the pain of auto workers. With logic like that perhaps you are better suited for politics than journalism?
Words fail me this time. The first three were bad enough, but this is taking it to a whole new level, both from a content and an advice perspective. Is this a joke intended to rile people up or are you really that big a jerk? (I watched the youtube video posted earlier (thanks) and I think it shows the answer is most definitely the latter.)
Now, not only are you defending speeding on the highways and back roads, but now in the city? You mean the streets most likely to have cross-traffic, bicyclists and pedestrians? Using other dirvers’ panic responses as a way to go faster? What if they swerve instead of brake because they are really panicked?
And now implying that we (as a whole) are more upset at high-speed driving than we are about some of the major problems in the world..? Well, maybe if you find the time write an ‘editorial’ opposing clean water and mentors for at-risk youth, you’ll be proven right, though somehow I doubt it. It is possible for people to have opinions about numerous topics, both good and bad. You write an article about driving dangerously on a car site, you get responses about driving dangerously from people interested in cars. Somehow I don’t see how this should have been surprising.
In fact, I find the whole idea of defending this type of driving by stating that others are worse to be pointless. Of course drunk drivers are worse. Of course driver fatigue causes more accidents. Of course distracted drivers are dangerous. But this isn’t an either/or argument. It’s not about choosing the least bad driving behavior. It’s about choosing good driving behaviors to lessen the risk for all drivers. Even if it saved just one life, wouldn’t it be worth it?
If you disagree, I’d like to hear you defend that choice to somebody who’s lost a loved one because of somebody’s need for speed.
Yup, TTAC now has it’s very own Track Ninja. His name is Jack.
I’d be fibbing if I said that I always experienced perfect success with my “last-minute faux-forgetful merge technique”. Some drivers can be stubborn. To combat this, I purchased a 1991 Chevrolet Caprice Classic woodgrain-trim wagon, known as a “bubble” in the argot of the streets, and immediately experienced the freedom to merge without fear.
Yeah, but you’ll get clocked sooner or later because you still don’t have the right car. You bought too new. You should have stuck with something from 1990 or older. The ones that still had the big chrome steel bumpers. Everyone stays clear of those things because those bumpers will easily perf the plastic front end covers on most vehicles these days and peel them right off. Oh, and you also need to let the paint job get a lot worse looking and maybe bounce the front end off a tree or lamp post just hard enough to disfigure it but not really damage anything. Do all that and not only will no one challenge your lane changes but they’ll also get out of your way when you fill their rearview with that expansive, disfigured front end.
@frizzlefry:
Good point. Every time I’ve encountered a 100+ mph driver, they’ve either slowed and waited for me to get out of their way if the right line is clogged, or passed on the right from well back so that I see what they are doing in the rear view and don’t try to move over.
Contrast that with the 10mph under two lane highway jackass, 9 times out of 10 driving a Pontiac. These “I own the road, none may pass” assholes can be very dangerous. That’s the biggest reason to have a car that has loads of torque at the bottom of the range and hauls ass. There’s nothing like twin turbos for getting you from 40mph – 80mph right now.
Davekaybsc:
I’ll take my sportbike in first gear from 40-80 over your twin turbos, thanks :)
I agree with psknapp. This whole “thing” reeks of someone trying too hard to appear edgy. All this talk of maximum speed, and it amounts to little more than a collection of asshole maneuvers. I see people that try this kind of stuff on the highway all the time, usually during rush hour traffic, stoplight to stoplight. There really is no “fast lane” in these situations, and no amount of bad driving is going to change that. I am not against speeding, i am against stupid, inconsiderate driving.
Another thing i’m tired of is people spouting off completely ignorant garbage and then hiding behind the first amendment. It’s not that what they are saying is ignorant and tasteless, it just that everyone else is “too sensitive”. Then it’s time to blame political correctness, and that everyone is too soft for your “edgy attitude”. When those excuses don’t work, then its time to play the “I was just joking” card. “Can’t you guys take a little humor?” If that doesn’t work, try to change the subject. “Kids are dying ’round the world and y’all are complaining about this?” Imus tried this also. Instead of simply being a man and admitting he was wrong, let’s blame rap music. Everybody else is to blame except the person who made the stupid comment in the first place.
I definitely have a lower opinion of this site than I had before. Usually this site has controversial opinions, but it is usually backed by least some level of sound reasoning. For example, even though the “corvette must die” article was controversial, it was intelligently thought out and well written. Even if you love corvette, you had to admit that aren’t many reasons for keeping it around. this whole thing about speeding lacked the intelligence and insight I usually get from this site, even when I don’t agree with the opinion. I just hope this isn’t the start of a trend here, the whole “equal time for stupidity.” Too many news outlets do this already in the name of “balance”.
I think someone else on the comments said that If these are supposed to be professional, mature tactics for driving fast, a real professional’s sense of maturity would not allow them to engage in such behavior to begin with. Couldn’t agree more.