Today Hammer Time brings you its guide to commonly-used auto auction phrases and their translations.
Car Dealer – “You can have it if you want it.”
Translation – “I know you’re going to run the bid up anyhow. So go ahead and *%&#$&! take it.”
Car Dealer – “This car is a bad boy.”
Translation – It drinks. It smokes. Some day soon it will be hanging out with the other bad boys at the neighborhood junkyard.
Car Dealer – “What do you think is gonna be the money on that car?”
Translation – “I haven’t bought a Volvo station wagon in so long… I have no clue where the market’s at. I need you to help me so I don’t end up losing my ass on the damned thing.”
Car Dealer – “The auctioneer keeps on running me up.”
NOTE: ‘Running me up’ means the auctioneer pretends there’s another buyer bidding against you. Thereby making you pay more.
Translation – “My tow guy is already slashing the tires on the auctioneer’s car. One more time and his windows get busted too.”
Car Dealer – “That car has a coolant leak.”
Translation – “…Because I cut the lower radiator hose.”
Car Dealer – “That car won’t start.”
Translation – “…Because I pulled the fuse”
Car Dealer – “That car has a nasty history”
Translation – “Just take a whiff inside of the car and you’ll see exactly what I mean.”
Car Dealer – “It has a perfect Carfax.”
Translation – “I already know it was wrecked. Hopefully I can buy it cheap and sell it to some dumb Yuppie who believes in Carfax reports.”
Car Dealer – “The money is too high today.”
Translation – “There are so many money launderers and other subsidized entities at this sale… I should have just gone fishing.”
Car Dealer – “It’s a great car.”
Translation – “I can’t sell the damn thing. But if I tell you it’s a great car you may buy it off me.”
Car Dealer – “He’s got no money”
Translation: The auctioneer is pretending like he has bidders on the vehicle when he actually has himself and the Coke machine.
Car Dealer – “That was a quick hammer!”
Translation – The auctioneer pretended like he didn’t have money and then sold it to his buddy… or the auction owner… or himself…
Car Dealer – “The auctioneer has a buddy.”
Translation – His buddy is helping him buy vehicles. He’s quick hammering every deal he can get. It’s a federal crime but good luck proving it.
Car Dealer – “I just got brother-in-lawed”
Translation – The auctioneer didn’t take my bid and sold it to his buddy instead.
Car Dealer – “Finance fodder.”
Translation – Late model vehicles that typically go for healthy premiums at the auctions.
Car Dealer – “Sleds”
Translation – Low end cars that typically sell for $5000 or less.
Car Dealer – “That car will shine up.”
Translation – The car is as rough as a wore out mop. Some cars can take a beating. But buying this one and fixing all the problems will be like polishing a turd.
Car Dealer – “I haven’t seen one of those in a while. Looks to be dealer kept.”
Translation – Some poor soul spent thousands to keep that bad boy running.
Car Dealer – “It died of stage fright.”
Translation – It quit running before it to the auction block.
Car Dealer – “It has the turd engine.”
Translation – The car has either the low horsepower engine (Mustang & Camaro V6’s) or a defect prone engine (Chrysler 2.7L, VW/Audi 1.8L)
Car Dealer – “I got it when they were napping.”
Translation – “Everyone was looking at the car(s) that were coming and didn’t pay attention to the one I bought. Got it cheap.”
Thanks for the info, it makes me think of when an old college buddy would grab the local “Auto Trader” and start reading the adds translating what was really being said.
Example: “Runs Great” – Rusty as hell, interior shot
“Cosmetically Perfect” – won’t move under it’s own power, but gee doesn’t it look nice!
I found a lot of fun translations while searching on craigslist.
The best one was used by dealers.
Dealer: “this car won’t last!”
Translation: “this car won’t last!”
OK, so what the heck is the auctioneer yelling over the crappy PA?
Based on this list everything a dealer says at an auction is highly negative or a complete lie. And thats just what they say to other dealers who are supposedly in the know? Are there any decent used cars out there? (yes I’ve been reading your columns but I’m not ready to trade my M3 in for a 1st gen insight).
I guess dealers deserve the reputation they have. Glad I bought my last car off craigslist (knock on wood). And carfax is truly worthless too? Wouldn’t they at least turn up accidents reported to police?
I got boned by a clean carfax. Turns out the rig got plonked on the right side; the right side up to the front fender and rear deck had been repainted. It wasn’t obvious when I looked at it. After some experiences with hidden crash damage, I made a policy of running my finger along and sighting down every panel gap to make sure they were consistent, and it passed the test.
Whatever accident did that damage had to have been more than $1k (the reporting limit) so either someone screwed up and pretended it didn’t happen so as not to screw up their insurance or driving record, or Carfax screwed up.
Luckily, even with that it was a pretty good deal, so I’m not kicking myself. Two years’ bumper-to-bumper CPO is hard to resist for an ’05 $9k luxobarge with 58k on the clock.
CarFax/AutoCheck catch most stuff, but they aren’t perfect. Both miss certain things and report false positives on occasion. I had a customer trade in a vehicle and the Autocheck showed two different accidents on the same day about 900 miles apart. Now granted, I guess it’s feasible that it could happen, but it turns out only one of them was real.
Don’t be quick to assume that the car you see for sale on Craigslist doesn’t have a hidden past. I’ve had plenty of people balk at their trade in value when an accident or reconstructed title shows up on the report, and they say they’ll just sell it themselves and get full value. I’m sure some of them report the damage, but I’m guessing a lot don’t.
CarFax/AutoCheck catch most stuff, but they aren’t perfect. Both miss certain things and report false positives on occasion. I had a customer trade in a vehicle and the Autocheck showed two different accidents on the same day about 900 miles apart. Now granted, I guess it’s feasible that it could happen, but it turns out only one of them was real.
Don’t be quick to assume that the car you see for sale on Craigslist doesn’t have a hidden past. I’ve had plenty of people balk at their trade in value when an accident or reconstructed title shows up on the report, and they say they’ll just sell it themselves and get full value. I’m sure some of them report the damage, but I’m guessing a lot don’t.
Carfax data comes from a number of sources, but it varies from state to state, or even city to city. Insurance companies are only obligated to report vehicles that are totaled or stolen. State registration agencies ‘may’ report the same info as well as vehicle use, location registered, ownership transfer and lien info. A small percentage of law enforcement agencies report ‘some’ accidents, but most don’t. The vast majority of minor/moderate collisions are reported by collision repair facilities (body shops). While some larger repair facilities may report all/most repairs, I can only image the hundreds (or even thousands) of smaller local body shops that don’t ever report a thing….
Even if an event is reported to Carfax, it can take two months for it to appear on the report for that vehicle. I have heard of more than a few dishonest owners trading or selling their repaired vehicles right out of the body shop, before anything could show up on Carfax or similar reports. That is not only unethical and dishonest, it’s also a crime in some states including mine.