I’m not supposed to let you in on our inner workings, but here is something I wanted to share with you for quite a while: There is a huge grassroots movement that wants the HUMMER back. How do we know this?
Well, we are keeping tabs on you, dear reader. Whenever someone types a term into a search engine like Google, and the search leads to us, our server records it and gives us the most used search words. Usually, “ttac”, “truth about cars”, or “the truth about cars” rank highest. Only incorrigible geeks like me would still type in https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com.
For several months now, we have noted an odd phenomenon: There are ever increasing searches for “hummer”. Yesterday, “hummer” was on position 4, behind “ttac”, “the truth about cars”, and “truth about cars”.
Today as I type this, “hummer” leads the list.
It gets odder: There is an old story from the dog days of 2009, titled “Hummer to China. Why In The World?” Again and again, this ancient story ranks amongst the most requested stories of the day. Over the years, this must be one of our most requested stories (we don’t have THAT good a server that keeps tabs on this.) But we have a nifty graph engine that shows us the interest in a story. You see the needle moving when the story was published, then it dies down, and whammo! an explosion of requests.
A lot of people seem to suddenly lust for a Hummer. But why? Any ideas?
They are using Hummer as a euphemism for oral sex and forgetting to turn of “safe search.”
The co-search term is “asian” hence it leads them to a story about Chinese Hummers…
More than likely correct. I’ll bet you can find some stories on “Brazilian Hummers” and don’t try an image search for “asian hummers” unless you’re at home.
About 3 years ago, my brother says he found a music group online one day, “Brazilian Girls,” by accident, and now thinks they’re awesome (they are). How do you think he found them? And, with a name like that, how do you think they expected to be found?
Same problem in India, Bertel. It is an authoritatively styled machine that gets the working class all hot and bothered. Who needs practicality anyway, the servants can drive the Marutis and Hyundais!
20 inches of snow on the East Coast following a storm so strong it rattled even Minnesota?
Exactly! There was a story recently on how the weather and amount of snow fall in Europe is causing a run on Hummers. When your snow bound and you only see Hummers drive buy or when you’re stuck in the snow and a kind Hummer owner pulls you out, you forget all the stupid penis comments and start wondering where you can get one!
Probably the small penis – BIG TRUCK syndrome .
Just what is it about powerful cars and large trucks that always gets people like you thinking about male genitalia?
They are obsessed.
I was in my hometown of Houston over Christmas. In the parking lot of a delicious Cajun restaurant, I witnessed a man make an offer on an H2 on the spot. The owner (who I gathered had recently acquired it) balked. He said he’d be happy to sell it, but he would not be taking a loss on it when he let it go. Looks like if you could find a good deal on a Hummer, I dare say you might be able to consider it a short term investment.
Well, we are keeping tabs on you, dear reader.
Kim Jong Il?
Although I think there’s bound to be a number of hits resulting from the euphemism the substantial uptick must also result from an intentional association between the search term “hummer” and “cars,” which is plainly visible in the site name.
My guess is that a lot of folks who bought Hummers during the height of their popularity are thinking about replacing their rides. All of a sudden they realize they can’t just go back and get another shiny example of what they’ve been driving for 4-6 years so they might want to know why, or how far they might have to go to get it.
I don’t think many people who follow idiotic trends actually pay attention beyond which way the wind is blowing, therefore they’re (blissfully?) unaware of potentially semi-important things that may affect their future. Purchase of a Hummer immediately paints one as suspect of blindly following idiotic trends.
Just get a Suburban…it’s currently in production…the Hummer was built on the same chassis. Sorry, the “styling” won’t be as aggressive but it will have similar capabilities. GM will be happy with the profit.
Take money saved and invest in a Skyjacker suspension, stupid big tires, and engine/axle upgrades. Go hunting for Priuses to compensate.
The ‘Burb won’t make your weewee grow. Sorry
“It is far better to keep your mouth closed and be thought ignorant, than to open it and remove all doubt!” unknown author.
The Hummer H2 was built on a Tahoe chassis not a Suburban and the H3 was built on a Chevy Colorado /GMC Canyon. However, the similarity ends at the base frame (even the frames were modified) and the difference in off road capabilities is worlds apart.
Although the unapprised observer may only see the difference is styling, the outstanding features of all Hummer’s is superior off road capabilities due to their full time all wheel drive, lock differentials, 4:1 transfer case, greater ground clearance, oversized wheels, stock skid plates, approach and departure angles, … No stock vehicle, including Jeep, Land Rover, … can match a Hummer off road.
I thought these type of people would have traded up to a Raptor quad cab by now.
No co-search terms. Just “hummer”. All the time.
But thanks for the co-search tips. “Brazilian hummer” turned up this. “Asian hummer” was more entertaining – after I turned the default “moderate filtering” off. Thank you! My quality of life has increased!
Come on Bertel, you knew all about “Asian hummers” you just didn’t call it that.
Nah, that would be racist …
And being in “Asia,” people here take great pride in being different “Asians” …
So no “Asian hummers” in Asia. Only Japanese, Chinese, Thai, Mongolian ….
Allow me to apologize, Sir. You know of only Japanese hummers, no wonder you were left in the dark!
Being in Japan, I’m bowing out …
“Just get a Suburban…it’s currently in production…the Hummer was built on the same chassis. Sorry, the “styling” won’t be as aggressive but it will have similar capabilities”
No kidding. IMHO a Burb(1/2 ton or 3/4) is soo much better in every way than a Hummer why would you ever choose the latter? Well I guess we all know why.
You have successfully removed all doubt also!
on google, “hummer” brings up almost exclusively ugly truck stories. Even “Asian hummer” brings up only a little bit of sex among the ugly trucklings.
Nonetheless, this has been one of the funniest threads in a while. Thanks especially, Ed.Dan for busting the laughmeter at poor Bertel’s expense!
If they only knew that the bad ass four wheel drive the old guy down the street had was an International Scout! And no, they’ll never make anything that cool again!
And there will continue to be. I lost count of how many Hummer toy cars I have found this X-mas. They range from the copy with the grille flipped down, to the licensed ones. So, I guess many kids around the world are dreaming about this things instead of a Prius, which is a good thing if you ask me.
I even considered buying my son a power wheels style one, I didn’t because I’ll move and can’t bring it. I will, in 2011. His uncle gave him a small R/C one.
In many countries people want Hummers. Here in Venezuela it would have been a hit. GM was even going to import it because of the amount brought by individuals and take the prices down. Mr. Chavez however, had other idea. He didn’t turned his eye to Toyota and its FJ.
The thing is already a classic. And I don’t understand why GM closed that brand.
I could even use an H3, with a diesel or Alpha I-6/I-5 turbo and stuff. They look cool in yellow.
Owners are already searching for parts cars?
GM closed Hummer down because they really have no idea how to run a botique brand, and anything that sell less than 500k a year is botique to them.
I think the only GM vehicle that sells more than 500K units/yr is the Silverado.