There’s an excellent chance that, based on pure statistical probability, most of us will never have a full-time chauffeur in our employ. Actually, I’m not even sure how many of the 1% choose to have a chauffeur these days. It seems a trifle old-fashioned.
Or maybe not. Having someone shuttle you around at all hours in all weather seems to be a good deal. Thing is, who do you choose? That’s your task today.
Imagine you can select anyone — superstar or family member, fictional or real-life, living or dead — to employ as your chauffeur. Who would it be?
From that wide open field, you can choose a race car driver, for example. Dale Earnhardt Jr would be friggin’ awesome: fast, personable, and — by all accounts — a laugh to be around. Richard Petty or Bobby Allison would probably be a good storyteller, too.
What about a gearhead CEO? Imagine Bob Lutz carting your butt to work in the morning, smoking a stogie and complaining about the beancounters who decreed the install of that plastic dashboard at which he’s currently looking.
Or maybe it’s simply your good buddy from high school. Hey, sometimes — for better or worse — those are the best people with whom to share a drive.
[Image: Genesis]
I’d like that exquisite Genesis G90 LWB and I’d like to be chauffeured around by a member of the Kim Dynasty. I feel as if Kim Jong Il and I would have a rapport but barring him, his late son Kim Jong Nam who was reputed to be a party animal. Somehow I feel I would simply berate the current dictator, Kim Jong Un, and it would just ruin the experience.
Morgan Freeman?
Gave me a good laugh, but “Driving Mr. ScarecrowRepair” doesn’t have the same ring to it
You beat me to it.
met him once in 2013, he was driving a BMW 7-series – no chauffeur.
great guy. it would be nice to share rides with him, not to mention that he would probably crank a nice blues playlist for the ride.
A rotating crew of supermodels.
This guy has the right idea.
Nah, you want the supermodels in the back with you.
What’s the point of having them way up front hidden behind a divider?
Probably Warren Buffet. That way I can get advice on ironing out the deficiencies in my portfolio on the way to work.
Sabine Schmitz
I’d have the former CEO of Uber. He would be chained to the driver’s seat of a 30 year old clapped out Nissan and I would have a button that would Tase him if he started to mouth off.
Can we do that same scenario with Henry Ford, or any Ford for that matter in a stretch Lincoln?
Former Formula One champion Sir Jackie Stewart. Back in the 1980s Stewart was a consultant for Ford Motor Company when they rolled out the ground-breaking Taurus.
I remember an interview with him in Car and Driver connnected with the Taurus’ debut. The reporter was surprised that Stewart himself picked him up at the airport, rather than a limo driver.
The author was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly Stewart drove, not only in regard to vehicle dynamics, but how he was able to navigate traffic with a minumum of braking and accelerating.
Stewart, who had been an Olympic sharp-shooter before auto racing explained that the calm control that aids precision shooters also benefitted competitive drivers. In an era when engines, suspensions and chassis were stressed to within microns of their breaking point, and often failed in races, Stewart’s zen-like melding with the machine gave his cars a reliability few others enjoyed. And smooth driving kept momentum and speed up through corners and traffic on the course.
While chauffering the reporter through Detroit traffic the “Flying Scotsman” told how at his driving school a kitchen collander was affixed to the hood of a car and a ball placed in it. Students were tasked with driving a course as fast as possible without the ball leaving the basket.
The article on Stewart made a huge impression on me and made a difference in the way I drove. No more cutting-and-thrusting through traffic…no more over-powering through turns, no more jack-rabbit starts and nose-diving stops. I have been seeking fluidity and smoothness for the last 30-plus years since I read the article.
That’s why I would want to be driven by Jackie Stewart.
Very good.
The opposite is the bumper sticker “Dive Like Hell, You’ll Get There!”
pwrwrench,
“When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.”
Minor quibble: Stewart did not qualify for the Olympics, though he’s an excellent shooter who’s won several major competitions. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_Stewart#Early_life – one of the more interesting bios on Wikipedia, IMO.
bg,
Yes.
“Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.”
I would go with a comedian. My top choices would be
#4 Billie Crystal – ability to imitate voices would come in handy on the phone.
#3 Rodney Dangerfield – ability to hurl endless 1 liners at bad drivers, and always seemed to have cold Miller Lite on hand.
#2 Redd Foxx – Armed and Dangerous
#1 Cameron Diaz – Not as funny as the rest. But easy on the eyes, and probably willing to wear any outfit I give her.
Oops.
Forgot about Dan Aykroyd: auto enthusiasts, collector of classic Blues and Driver of the Blues Mobile. My new #1 everyone gets knocked back a slot.
Well, I’d have someone just like me. Which is what you would get if you hire me. This is what I do. I work for a car service.
Frank Martin from the Transporter series.
Not a bad choice at all. Which of his cars would you select?
Gotta be the A8
OddJob from the movie Goldfinger.
Chauffeur, bodyguard and blessedly quiet.
And for me if the driver is oddjob the the only car to have is the
2020 Genesis G90 limousine.
Real-life person: Probably my brother due to his unique combination of skills, but he’d have to shower daily.
Fictional person: John Clark (the original one from the novels, not the one from this shameless new Amazon series).
As for the vehicle, I have precious little experience riding in back seats since childhood, so I’m just going to default to one of the big American luxo-barges: Cadillac CT6 or XTS, or Lincoln Continental. Top trim level and with AWD for mid-western mobility in all seasons, naturally.
I got to know a lot of extraordinarily smooth drivers when I drove buses for a living. The very best one was a fortysomething woman named Margaret. Riding with her made the busiest in-city route seem relaxed, and yet she was always on time.
I’ll have her chauffeur my 2013+ LS 600h L, please. Of course it needs to have the Executive Package for maximum footrest.
Kato (Bruce Lee) and Black Beauty (1965 Imperial Crown).
Oh man, I didn’t even consider historic cars when I listed my choices.
I’d send a 1st-gen (’80-’89) Lincoln Town Car to ICON for powertrain/suspension upgrades and some tastefully understated modern luxury added (where necessary).
I was going to say Steve McQueen, but then I thought it’d be more fun to have Jerry Seinfeld. A car guy and a comedian, can’t go wrong!
Christopher Walken
Jay Leno. He could provide a different car from his collection every day for quite a while, and would be amusing as well!
I’m undecided, except Susan Smith is out.
James May. He drives the way I’d want a chauffeur to drive, i.e. carefully; he’d tae care of the car meticulously (I’d probably have a big old Citroen to be driven around in, or three: a DS, a CX, and a C6, so that two of them can be in the shop at any time ;-), and also he seems to be one of the most knowledgeable persons in existence in fields I care about, so it would never become boring chatting with him. Not for me, at least ;-)
Thinking about this more I’d rather have Adam West drive me around in the original BatMobile.
And I look nothing like Burt Ward.
My cat. And limo must be with manual transmission.
Backstory – one of my clients is a whiteshoe law firm in Manhattan. They have their own black car service, and are nice enough to let me use it to go to and from the airport when I am in NYC for them. The last time, I had a silent Russian as a driver – and he was ASTOUNDING. This guy got me from Rockefeller Center to LaGuardia in under an hour at ~5pm. We went down sidewalks. We went the wrong way on one-way streets. I am pretty sure we went through a couple of living rooms in Queens… But he was utterly calm and collected and just got it done. I want THAT guy as my full-time driver. The only words he spoke were to ask me which terminal I was flying out of. The vehicle was a black Suburban.
3+
Exactly. Fast, efficient and minds own business. Did you get a card? Or is it only contracted to appropriate firms?
Yeah, I can affirm. That’s how they drive in Moscow. Driving in Moscow is like Hunger games.
Darth Vader