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Posts By: Robert Farago
And there we were saying Ford doesn’t have branding. Anyway, fun is a serious business, apparently. Bloomberg reports that Ford has been trying to trademark the word “FUN” (all caps?) in connection with “some” of its European automobiles since 2005. In 2007, the EU courts said, in effect, geddowdahere. And while we’re dealing with the surreal, how about this: the original case was brought in German. Spaß; Freude; Scherz; Lachen; Gelächter? Bloomberg seems to think that today’s ruling clears the way for Ford to resume its claim on FUN, but I think they got it exactly backwards. The adjudication itself is, remarkably, a hoot. Seriously, the jump is well worth your time, as it includes some language Bloomberg neglected to mention. Where’s their sense of fun?
I’m a bit gun-shy after mistakenly accusing NBC of pulling the SNL sketch pillorying the Big 2.8’s Congressional bailout begging from YouTube for ad revenue-related reasons. So I’m not going to raise the specter of conspiracy for a 404 message on The Australian newspaper. I’m sure the story on the Pontiac G8 disappeared due to technical reasons. Or something. Thankfully, one of our B&B cut and pasted the piece into an email. “Holden Exports Facing Stop Sign” contemplates the prospect of GM axing Pontiac as part of its pursuit of bailout billions. “The Holden-built Pontiac G8 is part of the problem, as it is struggling to find buyers. Just 13,000 have been bought since shipments began at the beginning of the year, and inventory levels exceed 11,000 cars — or 283 days’ supply — the third-worst for any GM model, according to specialist US website Automotive News. Potential Pontiac G8 buyers must now factor in an uncertain future for the brand. ‘It’s a challenging business environment for carmakers around the world,’ said a spokesman for GM Holden, Jonathan Rose. ‘We’re very proud of our export program.’ He denied Holden was adding to Pontiac’s woes, and said export shipments were continuing… The company expected US demand for Pontiac G8s to boost exports, but recently announced plans to shut its factory for 25 days in the first quarter next year, in addition to its four-week Christmas holiday closure.”
One of the reasons that U.S. pistonheads pine for Euro-Fords: the performance variants. On this side of the pond, Ford has abandoned its SVT division. In mainland Europe, Ford continues to crank-out expertly tuned economy cars for budget-minded enthusiasts. The new Focus RS continues the tradition. AutoExpress reports that Ford Austria has leaked performance details for the upcoming Focus RS, “and they’re just as shocking as its lurid green paint job!” (Forgive the hypersonic tail waggging. That’s the way AutoExpress rolls.) The Express pegs the front wheel drive RS at 296bhp. “Ford is adamant that, thanks to its revolutionary ‘RevoKnuckle’ suspension, the RS will have no problems putting power to the tarmac.” Yes, well, no knuckle dragger this. The RS will sprint from 0 – 60mph in 5.9 seconds, and on to a top speed of 164mph. The Boys from the Blue Oval Boys are pricing the RS at £33k in Austria, and an estimate £25k in The Land of Hope and Glory.
Back when we TTAC didn’t have Ronnie Schreiber doggedly defending the D2.8, I contacted former GM PR spinmeister Gary Witzenburg to post an ed on the pro-Motown perspective. Big mistake. Despite– or because of– his exposure to our Best and Brightest, Gary went off the rails faster than the Polar Express. Other than an ex-girlfriend, he remains the only person I’ve ever blocked from my email. Let’s just say the man has “anger issues.” Actually, let’s not. Let’s revel in his vituperation and wonder if Autobloggreen is regretting letting him into their compound. “Here is what I’ll bet those long-suffering auto CEOs wanted to say, but couldn’t: You ignorant morons! How dare you accuse us of building cars nobody wants? We sold 8.5 million vehicles in the US last year and millions more around the world. GM still handily outsells Toyota here, Ford outsells Honda and Nissan, and Chrysler sells more than Nissan and Hyundai combined. How many of our new cars have you driven lately?” Personally, I think Gazza should have gone for the post-modern, hat tip to SNL approach, and begun with “Jane you ignorant slut.” More highlights from Gary’s take on “How to Win Friends and Influence People” after the jump.
WHAT: Chrysler LLC President and Vice Chairman Jim Press will meet with more than 50 Maryland Port Authority employees and Maryland officials in a Town Hall to discuss Chrysler’s and all domestic automakers’ impact on the U.S. trade industry.
Chrysler is the largest exporter for the Port of Baltimore, and Port employees will have the opportunity to pledge their support for legislation to provide temporary financial assistance to the American auto industry.
Chrysler President and Vice Chairman Jim Press will discuss highlights of Chrysler’s plan for future success, as well as share details about other similar rallies across the Unites States. The Town Hall also is a chance for Port employees to voice their opinions about what Congress and the general public should know about the deep impact the auto industry has on the local Baltimore community.
WHO:
Jim Press, President and Vice Chairman, Chrysler LLC
Steve Rand, President & Chief Executive Officer, AMPORTS, Inc.
More than 50 Maryland Port Authority employees
WHEN: Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2008, from 10 – 11 a.m.
WHERE:
AMPORTS ATC Terminal
2908 Childs Street
Baltimore, MD 21226
(443) 923-2100
There are two ways to look at this. First, Ford CEO Alan Mulally “gets it.” He understands that he screwed the PR pooch when he flew into Washington to beg for bailout billions in a big ass corporate jet. Alternatively, someone somewhere needs to get a grip. The guy gets $25m a year, Ford burned its way through $7.7b during the last financial quarter, FoMoCo wants at least that much from your taxes in addition to its share of the $25b already allocated for retooling and we’re worrying about his travel arrangements? Yup. So, Big Al’s driving from Motown to The Big Sleazy. And down the rabbit hole we go. “Ford spokesman Mike Moran said Monday that Mulally will make the roughly 500-mile trip on the road in an undisclosed Ford vehicle,” The Detroit News reports. “Moran declined to say if Mulally would actually be behind the wheel, but noted that Mulally does have a license to drive.” Help me out here. Is Detroit News scribe David “Love Ya” Shepardson being sarcastic? Or is he actually trying to reassure readers that the head of The Ford Motor Company can drive a car? For once, Autoblog gets its right, focusing on whether or not Mulally will be driving a Focus for 10 hours straight (assuming Big Al doesn’t get high). Oh wait; Autoblog’s “WEBAD” (What Exactly Would Big Al Drive) poll doesn’t list the econobox amongst its vehicular choices. Never mind.
Automotive News [sub] tells us that “The Senate Banking Committee has rescheduled its next hearing on ‘the state of the domestic automobile industry’ for Thursday, Dec. 4… The House Financial Services Committee has a similar hearing scheduled for 9:30 a.m. Friday, Dec. 5.” Once again, the news org fails to answer the one of journalism’s Holy Five: why? “No official explanation was immediately available for the postponement of the Senate hearing, originally set for Wednesday, Dec. 3. It is thought that lawmakers and their staffs want more time to review the Detroit 3 plans.” See how that works? Anyway, this smells bad. Our Ken Elias predicts that GM will file for bankruptcy the moment it becomes clear– if it does– that Congress has rejected their bailout request. By moving the hearing closer to the weekend, when the markets close, Congress could be engaged in a little pre-emptive damage control. Then again, that’s GM’s pattern. But could GM really convince Congress to cater to their PR whims? I am so not buying the idea that our legislators need more time to read the Big 2.8’s turnaround plans; if anything, Chrysler, Ford and GM need more time to prepare their plans. Or the pols themselves. Or maybe the automakers want November’s hideous sales results to sink in a bit (Deutsche Bank predicts a 45 percent drop for GM). You know; to “motivate” the masses. Politics. You gotta love it.
It’s been a while since we’ve run a Ford Death Watch. Which doesn’t mean Ford isn’t dying. It is. It’s just dying more slowly and less spectacularly than GM and Chrysler. In fact, Ford’s head-faked the press. They’ve convinced the pundocrats that The Blue Oval Boys don’t need federal bailout bucks to survive. Oh what the Hell, FoMoCo CEO Alan Mulally just about told Congress, as you’re offering… we might as well accept. In truth, the Detroit’s last man standing is about to hit the pavement just as hard as its cross-town co-conspirators.
In the run-up to this weeks bridging tournament, GM and Ford are indicating their [belated] willingness to axe ailing brands. Now you could look at their most recent sales stats and argue that this description applies to all 11 U.S. car brands under The Big Two’s umbrella, but we speak here of the Swedish contingent: Volvo and Saab. The former lost $458m in the last quarter alone. The latter, well, who knows? GM doesn’t break-out Saab’s red ink. (The brand hasn’t made a profit since The General bought it in 1989.) Anway, The Financial Times reports “Ford and GM will both tell the US Congress they have long-term plans to dispose of the brands this week when they present detailed business and financial plans to support their request for $25bn of emergency funding.” “Long-term” being the operative word; the automakers can no more cut the Swedish brands loose without C11 than you can eliminate credit card debt by scissoring your plastic. But don’t worry, the suits have a way to avoid the thorny issue of using U.S. bailout bucks to protect Swedish (German?) jobs: they’ll ask Sweden for money.
Tesla’s hubris knows no bounds. Not only has the Silicon Valley manufacturer of $109k lithium-ion-powered carbon fiber sports cars applied for a $400m federal grant to sustain its oft-delayed and hugely unprofitable quest to “reinvent the automobile,” but they’ve also publicly declared that Detroit’s bailout-seeking beancounters should keep their NSFWing hands off Uncle Sam’s $25b retooling loans. (I’d cut and paste the exact quote from their website, but ten seconds of their white-on-black text is enough to short-circuit my optic nerves). The New York Times fired back, pointing out that taxpayer funds should not subsidize expensive toys. Tesla owner Jason Calacanis retaliated in a fit of “just you wait” pique. “The fact is that Tesla could–right now–produce a car that is 1/3rd to half the price if they set it to go only 100 miles. In nine years, they will easily be able to produce a $40k car that does this. Is nine years too long to wait for this technology to reach the price point that 80% of the new-car-buying country could afford? I don’t think so.” Meanwhile, Toyota has seen the EV’s Li-ion Promised Land, and declared “I may not get there with you.”
This is the week that the CEOs of Chrysler, Ford and GM make their second attempt at securing enough bailout bucks to stave-off bankruptcy (Ford not-so-much, but since you’re offering…). As is the way of such things, the serious “negotiations” is already going down, as politicians and supplicants prepare to posture for public presentation. Automotive News [sub] reports that Republicans have decided to focus their hypocritical ire (imagine a politician chastising an automaker for not balancing their budget) on the United Auto Workers’ (UAW) Jobs Bank. “The Jobs Bank requires the Detroit 3 to pay nearly full wages to hourly workers who have been laid off. Although the number of workers in the Jobs Bank has dwindled, the concept has become a powerful symbol of auto industry excess. General Motors is likely to propose its elimination, says a source familiar with the company’s thinking. Last week Bond did not spell out precisely which concessions he expects from the UAW. But during the congressional debates, many GOP lawmakers singled out the Jobs Bank as a wasteful Detroit 3 practice.”
GM’s Board of Bystanders spent a good part of their Sunday reviewing their Chairman (and CEO’s) DC-bound turnaround plan. According to Bloomberg, Rick Wagoner’s new new new new new new new turnaround plan takes two forms: a 10- to 12-page public document and a “private, more detailed plan of about 80 pages with background material.” If the existence of a “private plan” to spend an estimated $12b of your tax money isn’t enough of an outrage– and I’m thinking it is– then ask yourself this: why is this plan different from all other plans? “The largest U.S. automaker also may ask to delay a $7 billion payment to a union retiree health fund, drop more brands and rework an accord with GMAC LLC to prove it can survive and repay the government, said the people, who asked not to be named because details haven’t been presented to Congress.” Don’t you just love fictional anonymous sources who always seem to state what common sense and pundits have already proclaimed? Neither do we. Anyway, as we’ve discussed umpteen times, the UAW’s Mother of All Health Care Plans was a non-starter before it started. GM can’t close brands willy-nilly; the lawsuits would make Oldsmobile’s termination look like a bris. And reworking an Accord is something GM should have done in 1976, not an escape clause fashioned by a terminally ill GMAC. Other than that, they’re good to go. C11. But shhh. Don’t tell that to GM’s Board. They’re thinking they’d better think it out again tomorrow.
When USA Today carmudgeon James R. Healey pours hate on a vehicle, you just know it sucks. Healey’s evisceration of the oil-burning Bubba Benz ML320 BlueTec begins with a slam at the powerplant’s herky jerky acceleration, then mentions Merc’s obfuscation: “M-B, in fact, disputes about every gripe. The gripes are serious, so it’s appropriate to give them a word.” And that word is? California compliant. OK, so it’s two words, but at least it wasn’t the two I was expecting (fans of German management culture will know what I mean). Anyway, Healey lets rip in his own not-so-special way, chastising the diesel ML for mediocre mileage (19mpg), terrible ride (“surmounting a branch felt like a major dynamic event”), lagging brakes (“Push, push, push the brake pedal and just when you think something’s amiss, the brakes start to haul it down”), hard seats (“Not firm. Not stiff. Not you’ll-get-used-to-it Teutonic. Hard. Like a board, or slab of concrete”) and sub-par details (“climate control was too hot at 70 degrees, too chilly at 68”). Healey being Healey, the litany is followed by amorous amelioration. But not much. And not for long. “Fifty thousand bucks for an uncomfortable, not-so-classy machine that’s unpleasant and unsatisfying to drive. Wonder who signed off on that business plan?” Jimmy, are you saying that diesel dog won’t hunt? Uh-huh. “Overall: Nope.”
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