The Detroit Free Press has been watching Bloomberg TV (who has the time?). And who should they see but Red Ink Rick Wagoner, the GM CEO whose testimony in front of the Senate gives new meaning to the words “clutch player.” Apparently, late in the game, Mr. Wagoner is ready to float away to Aruba on his golden parachute and take one for the team. Maybe. But he sure as Hell wouldn’t recommend it. [Quick aside. Never mind Rick Wagoner’s Gulfstream flight to Washington. Anyone want to bet that his compensation package includes free flights on the company’s planes AFTER his retirement? And what about golden Blue Oval Boy Alan Mulally’s family’s free jet travel? And Bill Ford’s access to the company planes? Where do you think HE goes with the jet and what exactly does HE do to keep Ford’s head above water?] “I’ll always do what’s right for the company,” Wagoner told Bloomies, boldly ignoring the prima facie case against the validity of any such assertion. “But even more critical during a difficult time period is having the best possible management team. We have a good team at GM. That’s not what I would recommend.” He wouldn’t recommend having a good team at GM? Ipso bloody facto.

While Detroit News columnist Daniel Howes gently chides Motown’s hometown heroes– even as they continue to bleed to death all over his carpet– The Washington Post’s Dana Milbank kicks the Big 2.8’s CEO while they’re down. But good. The WaPo scribe warms-up with a few gentle toe jabs, simply repeating the Big 2.8’s testimony regarding their recent travel arrangements. “There’s a delicious irony in seeing private luxury jets flying into Washington, D.C., and people coming off of them with tin cups in their hands,’ Rep. Gary L. Ackerman (D-N.Y.) advised the pampered executives at a hearing yesterday. ‘It’s almost like seeing a guy show up at the soup kitchen in high-hat and tuxedo. . . . I mean, couldn’t you all have downgraded to first class or jet-pooled or something to get here?” Fortress Detroit please note: no one mentioned the rejuvenating possibilities of a “convenient plane crash.” Oops.

The Detroit News reports that Senator Harry Reid has thrown in the proverbial towel for the Detroit bailout bill– at least for this week. Thanks to less-than-stellar Congressional testimony by Ford, Chrysler and GM CEOs, their plan to carve-out and carve-up $25b from the fed’s existing $700b bailout fund seems to have, as the Brits put it, come a cropper. “Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that he wanted to figure out some way to help Detroit’s struggling Big Three but that efforts to do so had stalled.” That’s a Gulfstream’s gas tanks’ worth of not good for Motown’s mismanagers. Taken literally, it means Reid won’t be following President Bush’s suggestion and perverting the intent of the existing $25b Department of Energy loans– for a quick-fix capital injection. Still, the federal trough is never totally closed to those who spend ten million plus on lobbying. “A bipartisan group from auto industry states is working to cut a deal on a scaled-down aid package. If agreement can be reached, Reid said the Senate could still vote on it as part of a measure to extend jobless benefits.” As the hearings over the last two days established, even $25b isn’t enough to see the D2.8 through next year. Which means that anything less is… a death sentence. Will GM CEO Rick Wagoner sleep well tonight, knowing that it’s game over? “It’s completely due to the credit crisis,” Wagoner said at today’s Senate hearing. So, yes, Tempurpedic bliss for the bailout boys. How messed-up is THAT?

Mitt Romney reckons Detroit’s bailout brigade should get bupkis from Uncle Sam. Squat. Zero. Zilch. The big goose egg. Writing in The New York Times, the failed Republican presidential candidate and former Bay State gov leave no word unminced, claiming “Detroit needs a turnaround, not a check.” Quick digression. If that’s the quality of Mitt’s sound bites, it’s no wonder he got gunned down by Maverick. How about “Detroit needs root and branch revision, not more fertilizer?” No? OK, where was a I? Right… Romney exercises his CEO chops, giving readers of the Gray Lady a double dose of paternal hagiography and a lesson in economics they will soon forget. And then, the money shot. “A managed bankruptcy may be the only path to the fundamental restructuring the industry needs. It would permit the companies to shed excess labor, pension and real estate costs. The federal government should provide guarantees for post-bankruptcy financing and assure car buyers that their warranties are not at risk.” Take away the craven “may”– call it a political reflex– and it looks like Mitt’s been reading TTAC. “In a managed bankruptcy, the federal government would propel newly competitive and viable automakers, rather than seal their fate with a bailout check.” True dat.

After Carlos Ghosn spent an hour blowing a green smoke screen at his keynote address about the future of the auto industry, Nissan released the new 2009 370z, the most powerful Z car so far. With 332hp going to the rear wheels and a new seven-speed automatic transmission, Nissan one-upped themselves with a manual transmission that rev matches for you. With new sheetmetal that could have been penned by Porsche, and an interior that goes to “Infiniti” (but not beyond), the new Z is the poor man’s, uh, Porsche. The coupe starts at $30k. And what a sound it makes…

As our regular readers know, TTAC’s labored on the Motown meltdown story for the last eight years, in relative obscurity. As the situation has moved towards its disastrous denouement, our traffic has exploded. It’s gratifying to see our focus rewarded by mainstream interest. Of course, it’s always the bus you don’t see that melts your servers. In this case, our Chinese correspondent Bertel Schmitt’s post on the possibility of The Middle Kingdom buying-up GM and Chrysler struck a nerve– on both sides of the Pacific. Stateside, we’ve been instapundited and digged and linked to from here, there and everywhere (a.k.a. Edmunds). The influx– over 1.25m page views today (as compared to 2.5m per month) lead to a big ass site crash. I apologize for the interruption of service. Suffice to say, we’re back and we’re bad (as always). TTAC may be a bit cranky for a while, as the boffins move shit around (the technical term) to try and cope with the traffic. Thanks for your patience. Especially those of you who’ve provided the foundation for our growth: TTAC’s Best and Brightest.

GM Fastlane blog was launched with the usual blather about two-way communications between the suits and the “little people” (a.k.a customers), complete with assurances that executives really will (we swear to God) read your comments and respond. Aside from one remark by Rick Wagoner about one commentator’s girlfriend’s car (as I remember it), this has most decidedly not been the case. Now, GM PR Supremo Steve Harris has decided to use the blog to rant against the New York Times’ columnist Thomas “Don’t Call Me Kinky” Friedman. Yeah, that’s the spirit!

An Open Letter to Thomas L. Friedman
Dear Mr. Friedman:

On Meet the Press you said, “So, show me a plan…” on why GM should receive government aid to bridge the current global financial crisis. We’ve invited you repeatedly to visit General Motors and see firsthand all we are doing to transform our business and develop new, energy-saving technologies.

We’re disappointed you still haven’t taken us up on our offer. You would be surprised at what you’re missing:

(Read More…)

A quick reminder: the Toyota Prius OWNS America’s hybrid market. Year-to-date, the Japanese automaker’s sold 142,365 Priora. Even during October’s carpocalypse, at a time when gas prices have fallen back to pre-Katrina levels, ToMoCo shifted 11,804 of the gas – electric hybrids (down “just” 13.6 percent). All other hybrids– including Toyota’s Camry gas – electric variant– must live off of crumbs from the Prius’ table. So when Ford announces it’s about to sell a hybrid Fusion with better mileage than the Camry hybrid– a six (according to the press release) or five (according to Automotive News) mpg improvement around town and an indeterminate number on the highway, the words “big whoop” spring to mind. Or even, perhaps, why bother? Certainly the Gods of Corporate Average Fuel Economy must be satiated. But doesn’t Ford have to sell the vehicles for them to count against F-150 mpgs? As for the badge-engineered Milan hybrid, well you gotta put Mercury’s babe on your website! In your garage? Not so much. (The car. Not Jill.) More interesting: SmartGauge™ with EcoGuide. The doo-hickey “coaches” hybrid drivers to maximize fuel efficiency. John Madden voice prompts optional, presumably. Oh, and props to The Blue Oval Boyz for improving the 2.5-liter I4 Fusion for better torque, and offering a six-speed manual.

We’ve said it before. We’ll say it again. Before The Big 2.8’s bailout begging blitz, the average American had no idea how close Ford, Chrysler and GM were/are to bankruptcy. And now, today, they do. So when it comes to buying a new car, well, it’s either a sympathy you-know-what (as if) or “Maybe we should look at a Toyota this time.” As much as Detroit’s sales sucked in October, the numbers will be nothing (something?) compared to November. By December, a black hole will tear-open the time-space continuum above Detroit and swallow The Big 2.8 whole.

The table of Motown’s CEOs facing Senator Christopher Dodd at today’s Senate Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs Committee Hearing looked more than a little like The Last Supper. If only. When Senator Bob Corker (R, TN) pressed Ford, Chrysler and GM’s top suits for a pledge that they won’t be back for more money– should they be granted $25b in taxpayer-backed loans– only GM CEO Rick Wagoner answered. And then Red Ink Rick waffled, pegging his promise to an economic upturn that no one believes imminent. It was the moment when Motown’s begging bowl brigade went seriously south, in that oh-so-public C-Span sort of way.

Sorry guys, too much domestic kerfuffle to carry this on (Sponge Bob! I don’t want to watch TV upstairs! Where’s my dinner?) Suffice it to say, TTAC will report on the hearings in various posts as we go along. My take so far: Dodd is an extremely convincing politician, in an avuncular sort of way. And judging from the panel’s opening remarks, this is a done deal. The tough questions are notable for their absence. Still, it’s early. Surely, someone’s going to rake these CEO and UAW guys over the coals, who all seem to be blaming something else. Were we too liberal with credit? Nooooooo. Of course not. And the euphemism for the bailout is a “bridging loan.”

Whilst reporting that U.S. Treasure Secretary Henry “Hank” Paulson is telling the automakers “keep your hands off my $700b stack, Jack,” Fox News reveals that Ford, GM and Chrysler aren’t the only automakers looking to tap into the $25b Department of Energy “retooling” loan program. Tiny Tesla Motors has sent in its application for $400m worth of no to low-interest loans, so it can build more $109k lithium-ion-powered two-seaters with less luggage space than a diva’s jewel-encrusted clutch bag. I kid. I kid. I think. “General Motors, Chrysler and Tesla Motors Inc. have applied for loans and Ford CEO Alan Mulally said the automaker plans to apply on Tuesday. GM, Chrysler and Ford have not disclosed the amount of funding they’re seeking from the Energy Department or for what purposes. Tesla said it was seeking about $400 million in loans for two projects.” Let’s see.. they make one car (the aforementioned Tesla Roadster) and want to make another (WhiteElephant). Is it me, or is there some sort ofinternational conspiracy to keep TTAC in mill grist? [thanks to MgoBlue for the link]

You know how it is with press releases. You read through the hyperbole (“the first 750i of 1987 famously offering more computing power than NASA utilised to put man on the moon”) thinking of snarky things to say (as does my microwave oven). And then it hits you: there’s something not right here. Hang on; is that the speed limit I spy with my little eye? Sho’ nuff: the new BMW 7-Series marries the optional Lane Departure Warning system (achtung baby!) with the innocuously named “Speed Limit Display.” From the press release: “Using a camera mounted behind the rear view mirror, the system cross-references the GPS navigation system information and the real-world information to constantly monitor the legal speed limit, and relays this information to the driver in the dashboard or, if specified, into the Head-up Display. The car’s hard drive is pre-programmed with all of Europe’s speed limits but, in the case of road works or incidents, limits can vary. The camera reads the numbers on temporary road signs and over-rides the known speed limit, bringing this information constantly into the driver’s line of sight.” Dummkopf! Limits can vary! Link the GPS speed limits with the cruise control and Big Brother’s your spymaster! Coming to an island nation near you soon!

—–Original Message—–
From: GM Grassroots [mailto:grassroots@gm.com]
Sent: Tuesday, November 18, 2008 8:42 AM
To:
Subject: Your message to Congress

Dear —

Thank you for letting Congress know that you think the American auto industry is a part of the fabric of America.

Here is a copy of the actual message you sent to let them know how you feel about saving this critical American industry.

“I am a consumer who believes it is important to have an American car industry in this country. I am asking for your help.

Some critics call helping America’s automobile industry a bailout. I strongly believe this is an investment to rebuild our nation’s economic engine. If we do nothing, the future our country faces during this downturn is clear. We will see even more economic upheaval, communities will lose substantial businesses and revenue, and thousands of jobs will disappear. The negative impact will be worse than anything we’ve seen in our lifetime.

We are at a crossroads, where given the opportunity, our nation’s auto manufacturers can lead once again. In 2010, we will see labor and health care reforms kick in. We will also see new electric vehicles introduced that will help reduce our nation’s dependence on foreign oil. And if it weren’t for the recent credit crunch, these companies would be on the road to succeed.

If Congress does not act, it will be the shortest and fastest road from recession to depression. Our economy is suffering enough. Please help prevent further job losses and devastation to our communities. I am asking that you give our nation’s car companies the opportunity to complete this turnaround.

We cannot afford to lose this cornerstone of our economy. We should not depend on other nations for our manufacturing capabilities or new technologies. And we do not want to contribute to an even deeper collapse that will leave too many people facing further economic uncertainty.”