Now that Ford CEO Alan Mulally has written-off the chances of an auto industry sales receovery for 2009, his Detroit brethren have decided to join the Greek chorus bemoaning their fate. Bloomberg caught up with former Toyota and current Chrysler Prez Jim Press in Paris to hear the bad news. “I don’t see any `whys’ why it’s going to be any better,” Press announced. “We’re already adjusting to this level pretty well. We’re learning how to fight through it. It’s hand-to-hand combat. It’s tough.” Especially if you don’t have a golden parachute strapped to your back. GM’s Fritz Henderson, also not staying at a Timhotel, was slightly less pessimistic about the year ahead. “Even if [the $700b federal bailout plan] does pass, I still think that ’09 will be weaker,” the COO told Business Week. “I don’t see anything which would suggest that you’d see a significant rebound, at least in the first half.” And then Fritz says some scary ass shit. “If the situation deteriorates further, we’ll have to look at further actions, but we don’t have anything planned today.” And… “Henderson said GM’s liquidity plan was based on a forecast of industrywide U.S. car sales of 14 million this year and next. ‘At the time we felt that was a conservative level. Given what’s happened, I’m glad we chose a conservative level because that could well be the level it lands at.’ Uh, Dude, we’re looking at sales WELL under 13m, maybe closer to 12. To paraphrase Sweet Pete, that’s a spittoon full of not good.

Oh man, this is getting ugly. After Porsche’s Turbo and GT2 lost their fastest ’round the ‘Ring record to the Nissan GT-R, the German automaker was… skeptical. So they bought a GT-R in the U.S. and ran the Nürburgring to verify their Japanese rival’s claim. And so they didn’t, failing to get within 25 seconds of GT-R’s ‘Ring highly hyped lap time. Porsche attributed the GT-R’s triumph to non-standard tires, which would nullify the Nissan’s “fastest production car” lap record. Cornered at the Paris Auto Show, Nissan’s European spokesman Neil Reeve said “Quite simply we’re not going to get into a war of words with Porsche.” And then did exactly that. “The final word from us is that it was done on absolutely standard tyres which are available to customers in the showroom. They’re not trick tyres – absolutely standard tyres, normal road tyres. The GT-R comes with Bridgestone and Goodyear (Dunlop). One tyre gives slightly better times around the ‘Ring. We did it on Dunlop. They’re available with the car.” When car.com.au‘s Andrew Heasley pushed him for an explanation, well, read between the lines. “We absolutely maintain (that) Tochio Suzuki – the chief test driver on the GT-R program pounded thousands of laps – he got to know every inch of Nurburgring (circuit) and how the car performs on the Nurburgring and hence set that fabulous lap. More than that, I can’t speculate. I can’t explain why they couldn’t match the time.”

Well, what do you expect from a website called “Ford Muscle?” Still, it’s an interesting take on why it’s a good idea to turn your garden variety Ford into a fire-breathing, gas-guzzling, tail-happy monster. “Our hobby is comprised mostly of motivated individuals that choose productivity and participation over fantasy football, the sofa, and ESPN,” polemicist Jon Mikelonis maintains. “In our ‘sport’ we bend, twist, lift, kneel, squat, roll, struggle, and overcome forces, but most importantly our hobby requires us to be off the couch. Sure, a lot of us enjoy watching sports but the fact that we choose to physically rebuild, modify, or restore cars, automatically puts us in a class outside of those who spend their leisure time idly watching, measuring, and comparing somebody else’s successes and failures.” Mikelonis takes it outside. “While there’s no formal validation or research that working on your car qualifies as exercise, many parallels can be made with gardening and yardwork, an activity that has been studied, researched, and touted as legitimate exercise.” Justin will be happy to learn that the article ends with a discussion of the evils of high fructose corn syrup. And did you know that commenting on TTAC may help maintain brain function? Now if it only didn’t raise your blood pressure…

First it was “the HUMMER H2 is better for the environment than the Prius.” Now it’s big cars in general are better for the planet– and your wallet– than small ones. “Small cars don’t last,” automotive analyst Dennis DesRosiers tells wordsmith Barbara Righton of Macleans. “They fail to retain value, utility or desirability.” Babs connects the dots. “Small cars are less durable. First off, they are built lighter. Secondly, they are cheaper, so they attract younger drivers who tend to maintain them poorly. They have a lower resale value, which guarantees they won’t trade hands many times before they are scrapped, and they’re more likely to be written off by insurance companies if they are involved in serious collisions. In other words, ‘the useful life of the vehicle’ is as short as their wheel base, according to Erich Merkle, an automotive consultant with Crowe Chizek in Grand Rapids, Mich.” Quite aside from the fallacy of the argument (I’ll let the Best and Brightest make the case), do I detect some kind of weird sneering thing going on? Indeed I do. “Merkle advises consumers to buy a mid-sized car that is a couple of years old and hang onto it. That way they can sit contentedly and watch the parade of tiny cars in their neighbours’ driveways come — and go.” [thanks to rpn453 for the tip]

While no one doubts GM’s constant assertion that their new cars are better than their old cars, they company tends to downplay their relative excellence or lack thereof. In that sense, the Chevy Traverse has a couple of mountains to climb. First: GM’s three other Lambda-based (i.e. badge engineered) crossovers: Buick Enclave, GMC Acadia, Saturn Outlook. Detroit Free Press reviewer Mark Phelan begins by tackling that issue side on. “Buoyed by an exceptionally clean and attractive design, appealing features, good fuel economy and a competitive price, the Traverse will probably outsell the other three put together.” Is that a good thing? (Here be cannibals.) Phelan barge poles the issue. And for good reason: “I tested a nicely equipped front-drive Traverse LT2 that stickered at $33,515 and had no options.” But seriously folks, Phelan’s ultimate– in fact only– argument for the Traverse’s supremacy is its relative fuel economy. “The front-drive Traverse’s EPA rating beats the Veracruz and CX-9, just edges the Pilot and matches the Flex. It trails the Highlander by 1 m.p.g. in both city and highway driving, which works out to an extra $145 in annual gasoline bills, by the EPA’s calculation.” So that’s alright then. Game over! “Style, value, practicality and comfort. That’s another four aces, and this hand has been played. The Chevrolet Traverse wins. Competing automakers can push their chips to the middle of the table and wait for the next deal.” When I can I play poker with this guy? Meanwhile, TTAC’s Michael Karesh pits the Traverse against the Flex— and watch both automakers fold.

Make no mistake: Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow is solidly in Detroit’s pocket. Stabenow lobbied hard to slip the $25b bailout Department of Energy auto industry retooling loans into a congressional housekeeping bill. So why did The Debster vote against the Senate version of the $700b Wall Street bailout, a bill sufficiently beloved by Motown that GM CEO Rick Wagoner felt compelled to send his dealers a “lobby the bitches’ for this one” SOS? According to the Chicago Trib, her office released a three-paragraph statement Wednesday night that highlighted her “concerns.” “Hardworking families in Michigan are in crisis every single day and the bill passed by the Senate tonight does little to help them,” Stabenow’s statement said. The bill was “fundamentally the wrong approach to fixing our economy.” So what’s the right approach? * crickets chirping * So what’s the real reason for Stabenow’s vote against the bill? She knew her vote wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference– except to voters back home. As for her friends in Detroit… “Stabenow submitted a ‘colloquy’ into the Senate record after the vote with Senate Banking Chairman Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., making clear that the bailout provisions would apply to auto financing companies. ‘I want to commend Chairman Dodd for his leadership on this bill… the credit crisis is having a significant impact on the hardworking men and women at GM in Michigan and throughout the country who proudly build American-made cars and trucks; the men and women who sell and finance Chrysler vehicles; and the individuals who service Ford vehicles in dealerships throughout the country.'” God I hate politics.

With brand new ’08 Dodge trucks going for 40 percent off sticker, and fleet sales standing between Chrysler and collapse, Auburn Hills’ decision to raise ’09 vehicle prices by $500 seems somehow… irrelevant. Which, in fact, it is. (Aside from offering a larger-looking discount to gullible customers.) The strange part of this story: Automotive News‘ [sub] decision to headline the phantom price increase– rather than Chrysler Financial’s move to raise interest rates on dealer floorplan costs (loans that finance new vehicle inventories). Even if it’s a relatively small increase (unspecified by AN), the hike will hit dealers where it hurts. With sales cratering by 34 percent in September, and no popular products in tune with the times (at least to retail customers), Chrysler dealers are already hurting. A rise in the interest rate on floorplan costs will send some dealers off the cliff. Which may be no bad thing, as far as the corporate mothership is concerned.

Carl-Peter Forster, president of General Motors Europe, is mad as Hell and he’s not going to take it (free market capitalism) any more. Yes, the European auto industry needs help “from political leaders to turn the situation around. At the EU level, and within the political leadership of individual countries, action must be taken to stimulate the economy, relieve the credit crunch and restore consumer confidence. Only then will consumers have the means – and the confidence – to invest in a new automobile.” While Forster waits for [yet more] government intervention in EU economies, the GM suit trotted-out a very GM-like list of reasons why his company’s sales are in the crapper: surging oil and commodity prices, the risk of recession due to the ongoing credit crunch, unfavourable currency rates, new CO2 regulatios and increasing fuel prices. So what about, you know, the desirability of GM’s products? Nein! “In Germany, 10 to 15% of the cars are more than eight years old. We know there is pent-up demand for our Opel products.  And we have local initiatives in place to spur cash sales. But our efforts are being stifled by a serious cash shortage.” Whose?

Wheels of Terror is one of the best worst movies ever made– especially if you restrict your choices to the “killer car” genre. Sure, Christine is a classic. Those of us who’ve darkened the door of a body shop (Abandon All Deductibles Ye Who Enter Here) can never forget watching the world’s first self-healing bodywork. Speaking of which, Steven King’s directorial debut, Maximum Overdrive (not to be confused with Peter North’s Maximum Thrust series), must be believed to be seen. But Wheels of Terror features the skinniest wheels I’ve ever seen on an automobile. (If you want some real donuts of doom, check out the donk scene.) No, that’s not it. A drifting school bus? Yes, but no; that’s not it either. Ah yes, the best car-off-a-cliff scene in cinematic history. I mention this because Justin and I have been busy with the cataclysmic visual metaphors lately: train wrecks, perfect storms, cliff divers, etc. Suffice it to say, there will be plenty more carnage before this downturn is done, so we’ll be cruising the nets for appropriate imagery for some time. If you could surf and listen, and provide some link suggestions here, we’d be most appreciative. Thanks!

If that’s true, if federal bailout billions can’t regrease the palms wheels of the American auto industry, this sucker will grind to a halt before that most magical of years, 2010. I mean, is Big Al for real? Can Ford really have enough cash money to weather that kind of downturn– which is, let’s remember, getting worse. “The downturn is longer and deeper than we foresaw a year ago,” Mulally admitted to Automotive News [sub]. But Ford “had the liquidity to deal with it.” HAD? Mulally told AN that The Blue Oval Boyz have “a good small car collection that would give it a global product line-up to cater to the various markets, in the United States, Europe and Asia, where customers now were asking for these vehicles.” GOOD? WOULD? I know Mulally’s a low-key kinda guy. But I reckon Ford’s catastrophic U.S. market share/sales slide and European cutbacks (a 10 to 15 percent production reduction for starters) require a more Churchillian response. “Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential.” Uh, maybe not… Anyway, speaking to The Wall Street Journal, Mulally ruled out a Chapter 11 filing. Or is that “positioned himself in a non-bankruptcy-related context?” Exact words: “Bankruptcy “is not in our consideration.”

You can’t kill the $700b federal bailout bill– sorry, “rescue package” with a stick. And now that it’s ballooned from two pages to over 400, the auto industry lobbyists have wet their beak. Automotive News [sub] reports that “House Financial Services Committee Chairman Barney Frank, D-Mass., confirmed this week that under the plan, the Treasury Department would have authority to buy securities backed by automotive loans. Automotive loans are not as troubled as mortgages, but in the current climate investors are unwilling to buy the securities, effectively cutting off the flow of credit, industry lobbyists say.” In other words, Uncle Sam is going to assume responsibility for billion of bucks in bad paper written by domestic automakers and their agents to move the metal, so that the feds can “free up” the credit market and enable automakers to write more bad loans to boost their bottom line. There ought to be a law. Or, in this case, not.

Terminating Caddy’s XLR SL fighter is a no brainer. The brand shifted just 83 of the two-door drop-tops in September (vs. 111 last year), bringing the year’s total to… 1039. While that’s only 4961 units away from Caddy’s annual sales goal for it’s over-priced, under-developed sports car, Left Lane News (LLN) quotes “inside sources” who say the model will be killed off “in a few year’s time.” The XLR is based on the ‘Vette, due for a 2012 re-do. “Not long ago, we flatly asked GM Vice Chairman Bob Lutz, ‘when the new C7 Corvette arrives, will the Cadillac XLR be along for the ride?’ ‘That is way too specific,” said Lutz.” Yeah, lay off, will you?

Like shooting fish in a barrel this one. I mean, what insight does the Insight show, other than “Build me a Prius knock-off, quick!” Still, Honda bloody well went and did it (unlike every other automakers we could name). So what else did we learn? Not a lot really. Honda’s still using their Integrated Motor Assist™ (IMA™) hybrid technology, which yields its mpg  benefits by downsizing the internal combustion engine. Honda’s still planning on under-cutting the Prius’ price to knock-out 200k units (100k in the U.S.). We can also guess that the production car may not be nearly so blingy in the lighting department. And we can hope that its gaping maw is not strictly necessary for cooling or some such thing. As for the all-important mpgs… nothing yet.

Dow Jones’ Kathy Shwiff really should read her colleagues’ work. The lead of Schwiff’s morning-after mop-up of September’s auto sales debacle remains oblivious to Sharon Terlep’s conclusion that fleet sales saved GM from a total rout. “The heightening of the credit crunch at the end of the month saw showroom traffic tumble for a number of auto makers, but General Motors Corp.’s (GM) sales decline – half that of rivals Ford Motor Co. (F) and Toyota Motor Corp. ( TM) – showed that the right incentives can work. GM’s results were boosted in late August and last month by the return of an old standby – employee pricing. That helped the auto maker’s sales fall 16%, a less severe decline than many analysts expected.” Speaking of that Ford drop, FoMoCo sales analyst George Pipas got his freak on. I mean, freaked out. George said September sales levels and showroom traffic were “tantamount to a natural disaster” or the days after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. Surprisingly, then, FoMoCo doesn’t share GM CEO Rick Wagoner’s bailout boosterism. “Ford economist Ellen Hughes-Cromwick noted the recent freeze in the short-term credit market affects businesses more than consumers, but marketing chief Jim Farley said he has seen lenders require higher down payments because they want to see more ‘commitment’ from buyers.” Uh, doesn’t Ford Motor Credit handle that stuff?