I'm not sure what's scarier: a lobbyist who's a Hunter S. Thompson fan, or a lobbyist who's a Hunter S. Thompson fan who thinks that bumping into Sean Penn at the Democratic National Convention and saying "Oh, you're Sean Penn" is a "gonzo" moment. In any case, Greg Martin, Director, Policy and Washington Communications uses the FastLane blog to make one thing perfectly clear: "This [federal loan program] program is not a bailout but an incentive for the auto industry and its suppliers. Its purpose is to get advanced technology vehicles on the road as quickly as possible in order to help the country meet its energy goals–and that’s exactly what we’re going to use it for." As I've stated in the last GM Death Watch, that's a distinction without a difference. Anyway, Greg had a "compelling product story to tell" the Denver pols, swanning around in eco-friendly cars that no one's buying, listening to BS about cars they can't buy. "People were surprised at the variety of advanced technology vehicles we offer, and there’s a lot more of that where that comes from…from 20 hybrid models in 2012 to the Chevy Volt to hydrogen fuel cells, I wonder if our engineers and technical types ever sleep." In the spirit of Hunter, may I suggest Black Beauties? Or point out that Greg's rhetoric sounds a lot like Richard Nixon's defense of his Vietnam war policy? "Under ideal circumstances, we know what our challenge is. Unfortunately, factors that are external to the auto industry compound that challenge (in other words, the current economic climate is really ugly out there). That’s why this existing program can really help us to keep moving full speed ahead." Fear and Loathing Greg? Just so. 

Gumball 3000 in SF Part 1

The Detroit News reports that democratic presidential hopeful Barack Obama has launched a TV campaign in Michigan "accusing" his republican competitor of not supporting federal bailout bucks for Motown's hometown heroes. Damn straight. Oh wait.. "The McCain campaign said the ad was misleading, pointing to the fact that McCain now supports a loan-guarantee proposal. McCain questioned the need for the guarantees during a Michigan campaign stop this month, but later announced he supports them." And if that's not craven enough (and it is for me), here's how The Detroit News described the "re-tooling" program: "The loan guarantees would make it easier for the cash-strapped domestic auto industry to borrow money as they go through the expensive process of transforming their factories to produce more fuel efficient cars." If it looks like a done deal, and sounds like a done deal… mark my words: it's a done deal.

Of all the failures that have led GM to the brink of bankruptcy, the automaker’s failure of imagination is the most profound. Never mind the plug-in electric – gas hybrid Chevy Volt. How about conjuring a vision of a company with two or three tightly-focused brands that each produce a handful of distinctive, class-leading and profitable vehicles, that markets them with relentless focus, and stands behind them with a national network of honest, efficient and courteous salesmen and mechanics? Whatever else Car Czar Bob Lutz can say about GM's product strategy, that ain't it. Which begs the question: what does The General want to do with U.S. taxpayer’s money?

Get this. Under GM's Employee Pricing for Everyone sale, a buyer can cash-in any GM Card towards a new purchase/lease. That is, unless you're are a GM employee/retiree. No really; they're excluded from the program. In fact, if GM discovers any such transaction later, the dealer is faces a "chargeback" for the card dollars and all other applicable incentives. An MI dealer tells us that "even if you deliver the car without a code and just use GMS pricing that anyone gets, you lose." Meanwhile, The Detroit News reports that GM is going after employees who transferred their employee discounts to non-employees. Before the Employee Pricing for Everyone sale, of course. "The automaker… simultaneously filed three lawsuits alleging fraud as the company cracks down on employees, retirees and widows giving discounts to nonrelatives, according to court documents. Along with other recent lawsuits, the automaker is suing for more than $450,000 plus costs and attorney fees." Or more. "It was unclear Friday how many cases have been filed nationwide and a GM spokesman did not know how often the automaker files such cases. GM's lawyer, Michael Clawson, could not be reached… The timing of the lawsuits, three of which were filed on or after Aug. 20, the day GM extended the employee discount to everyone, is coincidental, company spokesman Tom Wilkinson said." And really lousy, I might add. 

Popular Mechanics (PM) reveals that GM's tri-channel brand strategy hasn't eliminated the usual corporate infighting. Susan Docherty, GM's Veep of Buick, Pontiac and GMC, stakes her claim on company resources. "My personal take: I think [the Volt] would make a great Pontiac. What greater brand than Pontiac to charge ahead with that technology?" Is that a bad pun, a trick question or a trick question based on a bad pun? PM answers: Pontiac could torque-bias a electric – gas plug-in hybrid model to fit the brand's increasingly dubious performance remit (say goodbye to that headline 40-mile EV-only range). Meanwhile and in any case, PM warns that all this green goodness could exact a heavy toll on GM's dwindling, Volt-biased product development budget. "We've already heard that GM may offer a Cadillac version of the Volt. And since the Volt's "E-Flex" powertrain has been such an expensive project for the company, it will need to badge engineer the Chevy Volt as quickly as possible diversify those resources across at least three brands. In fact, GM has said the Volt is its single most important future project. So much so that we recently reported it could lead to less engineering resources for the next-gen Corvette (the one after the Corvette ZR1)." Your TTAC takeaway: even $50b of your hard-earned tax money can't fix stupid. 

My wife doesn't believe me, but I'm a taking week off, my first in more than two-and-a-half years. This is my last opportunity to take a breather before Frank exits stage right and Justin gets up to speed. Rest assured this won't be one of those "paved paradise" deals; the website will be in Frank's capable hands, aided by our expert team of bloggers, reviewers and editorialists. While you're exploring the autoblogosphere, I'll be changing light bulbs (with help of course), taking my driving test (really), playing with my pre-schooler and generally decompressing. I trust you will, as always, keep us honest. Thanks for being there, even when I'm not. Oh, and we crested 700k uniques for the first time ever this month. I look forward to chasing the million. Later.

In George Orwell's Animal Farm, the farmyard creatures create seven commandments to ensure harmony and protect against human cruelty. The seventh commandment, "all animals are equal," eventually gets a rider: "but some animals are more equal than others." For most, it's satire. For others, it's a way of life. To wit: federal politicians, whose interest in special interests far outweighs their concern for the "average" voter– if only because taxpayers are too busy earning money to pay their taxes to notice how the cash is being wasted. Except when they're not. The plan to bailout Detroit's automakers looks set to be one of those times.  

And so it begins. The Wall Street Journal' s lead editorial makes it perfectly clear that Motown's plans to tap your taxes is well advanced. And guess what? It's a god damn conspiracy! "Earlier this month… the top dogs at Ford, GM and Chrysler had a meeting of the minds and decided that the way out of their current losing streak would be to ask the feds for a lifeline. They figure they'll need $40 billion or so to ride out their current troubles until they reach the promised land of hybrids, the Chevy Volt, and, who knows, maybe even profits. We've since heard that lobbyists for the car makers are taking their pitch for direct federal loans around Washington, with a goal of unveiling the plan after Labor Day — conveniently in the frenzy of the fall election campaign. They've briefed Congressman John Dingell, the dean of Michigan Democrats, as well as officials in the Bush White House… The plan is for the government to lend some $25 billion to auto makers in the first year at an interest rate of 4.5%, or about one-third what they're currently paying to borrow. What's more, the government would have the option of deferring any payment at all for up to five years." TTAC will have an editorial on this shortly. 

Personally, I am offended by this "remake." While Death Race 2000 wasn't exactly Five Easy Pieces, Paul Bartel's 1975 cult classic featured motorized combatants competing to cut pedestrians into at least that many bits. Which was– and still is– deliciously politically incorrect. The new movie pits convicts against convicts for mass entertainment. Been there, Running Man'd that. Ho-hum? Nope. "The car chases and most of the characters are thrillingly executed, with 5,000-horse-power smash-'em-ups shredding the screen," writes New York Post critic (or not) Kyle Smith. "If you run over the right manhole cover, you can activate additional weapons or bloodthirsty traps, and there aren't a lot of environmental restrictions ("Give me the napalm" is as routine a command as "find something on the radio"). If the warden feels like cheating, and that feeling often comes over her, she can throw into the mix something called the Dreadnought, which is to the other cars what a Chevy truck is to a roller skate." 

This is the British TV car show's take of the AM Vantage iteration prior to the one Justin reviewed today. But still… I mean… wow. The noise! The noise! The noise!

5th gear. Aston Martin V8 Vantage roadster. Gorg

OK, someone needs to tell Ford's Presidente de las Americas that FoMoCo didn't invent direct-injection turbocharged engine technology. Oh wait, someone did. A comment underneath The Detroit News' article: "Why is Ford getting all this attention just for catching up with the rest of the automotive world? VW, Audi, Subaru, Renault and a number of other manufacturers have had turbocharged direct injection engines for years. While it's nice to see Fords pulled its head out of its corporate ass for once, it isn't like they've done anything original." In fact, The DetN reports that "Ford began working on EcoBoost more than seven years ago"– only to be stymied by the marketing guys. And now it's rush, rush, rush. All that said, it's also worth noting that Fields floored the Eco-Boosted MKS and then claimed "This will put a smile on your face. But you get 20 percent better fuel economy with 15 percent less CO2."  Note to Fields: not at WOT you don't.  

Want to see how wonderful EcoBoost is?  Click here.  

The last we heard (yesterday), GM NA VP of Chevy said the new Cruze will be "targeting having the best fuel economy in the small-car segment with Cruzeclass-leading mpg." Har-har. But seriously folks, where did the Detroit News come up with its new headline "GM plans $500M for 45-mpg small car." Extrapolation? Nope. Expectation. "The Cruze is expected to get about 45 miles per gallon and serve as a counter-punch to $4-per-gallon gasoline once it goes into production in April 2010." There's nothing in GM's press release suggesting that kind of fuel efficiency. The Freep reports "The Cobalt is rated at 33 highway miles per gallon and the new Cobalt XFE model gets 37 m.p.g. on the highway. The Cruze is expected to get closer to 40 m.p.g."  UPDATE: TTAC commentator Buick61 quotes Edmunds to provides an explanation: “On August 12, Beth Lowery, GM’s vice president of environment, energy and safety policy, told the Management Briefing Seminars in Traverse City, Michigan, that the Cruze will get better gas mileage than the vehicle it replaces — the current Chevrolet Cobalt. 'The Chevy Cruze will get an additional nine miles per gallon in fuel economy when it debuts in 2010 [versus the Cobalt].'"  

Not to belabor the point (much), but the Chevrolet Cruze is GM's next next big thing. As such, the future Chevy needs a steady stream of spin touting it as such. And so why-the-Hell-isn't-he-embattled GM CEO Rick Wagoner cruises over to Lordstown, Ohio to announce his company's intentions to someday rule the world. I mean, design, build and sell a competitive, profitable small car for the North American market. Automotive News [sub] reports that Rick promised Lordstown $500m to facilitate Cruze control. That ain't much in the new car development scheme of things. And once again, The General's spinmeisters are using every possible opportunity to amp-up the rhetoric re: GM's impact on the U.S. economy. "The investment in Lordstown is one of several that have been announced at U.S. plants in the past five years, adding up to over $2 billion total investment in Ohio and more than $20 billion in the United States." Federal loan guarantee much?