At the risk of being sued by Julie Roehm, inventor of the Dodge brand's ill-fated lingerie bowl, the ex-auto exec strikes me as a bit of a bunny boiler. The above headline comes from an email exchange between Roehm and her then-subordinate (in the literal sense), executive Sean Womack. We are privy to its contents thanks to Roehm's lawsuit against her then-employer Wal-Mart. Which was eventually settled amicably (i.e. Wal-Mart, like Chrysler, paid her to go away.) I mention all this because the increasingly salacious Detroit News Business Insider informs us that Roehn's bad girl behavior has landed her a role on Mark Burnett's new reality show "Have You No God Damn Shame?" Just kidding. Obviously. The real name of the program is "Jingles." Even though it's stuck in development Hell (like I give a shit), the report tweaked my curiosity. When was the last time you heard an automotive brand jingle? I can't remember a memorable one……. lately. I think it's high time for a comeback. 

Common sense is not so common, Voltaire opined. [FYI, Like Cheryl Sarkisian LaPiere, François-Marie Arouet's decision to trade his given name for something a tad more memorable is entirely understandable. That said, God knows what he would have made of the song "Half Breed."] But common sense is also lousy journalism, which TTAC abhors (amost as much as "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves"). So when I spied "Rookie and rusty cyclists hit streets… and hospitals" in The Atlanta Journal Constitution, I looked for some statistical verification for Thomas Stinson's theory that high gas prices have lead to stupid cyclists have lead to more injuries. Silly me. "Hard data aren't available." Aren't they? Never mind, there is some killer anecdotes (so to speak). "Horrified by his first $70 trip to the gas station, Schatz drove to a bike shop last month, plunked down $2,500 on a new touring bicycle and began two-wheel commuting from his Grant Park home to his office in West Midtown… The pluses included conservation and fitness as well as frugality — until the morning he went airborne above traffic on West Marietta Street. Hit by a car, he broke both elbows. Afterward he asked himself, 'This is what I get for trying to save the environment?'" I'm an avid cyclist, but I gotta say it: yes.  

The Big 2.8 have been having something of a problem with vehicle depreciation over the last few years, thanks to fleet sales, over-production and the fact that the general public doesn't value their products as highly as the transplants'. Automotive News [sub] reveals the not-so-shocking fact that the same principle applies to Motown franchises. "Dealer and property developer Bruce Toll owns and operates two auto malls in suburban Philadelphia. He says a domestic brand dealership, including its real estate, that might have sold in his market for $4 million a few years ago would be lucky to fetch $500,000 today." Ouch. "When Detroit 3 dealerships sell at all these days, many bring only the value of their real estate and parts inventories. 'Blue sky' — the intangible value of a franchise — is often virtually nil for a Detroit 3 store." Double ouch. For some reason, speculation that the D2.8 may file for bankruptcy or kill brands is depressing prices. Depressing as in eliminating. "Sheldon Sandler, an investment banker in Skillman, N.J., specializes in working with big auto retailers to buy dealerships. He says his company, Bel Air Partners, 'won't bother' with Detroit 3 dealerships. 'They are just worth parts,' Sandler says.

As someone who worked at Cable News Network from Day one to Day 3,650, I understand the true "news pyramid." At the top: international news. In the middle: local news. At the bottom (the foundation): what's going bad in your refrigerator. So I'm not really all that surprised that our largely U.S. audience couldn't give a rat's ass about the fact that the U.K. is rapidly becoming Orwellian, or even bother to wonder what Eric Arthur Blair was on about. Still, the anti-speeding jihad has opened the door to some truly frightening policing. The latest example [via Pistonheads]: "The number plates of speeding drivers will be flashed up on new ‘smart signs’ in a bid to shame them into slowing down… When fully operational, the system will flash up the number plate of any vehicles exceeding the speed limit as a visual reminder to drivers to slow down. The system includes a large trailer-mounted variable message sign and remote speed and Automatic Number Plate Recognition detection units." Privacy? "The agency said the data gathered will not be used for enforcement and the system does not record any personal data, therefore complying with the Data Protection Act." Call me a tin foil hat wearer, but do Brits really buy that?

I watched a video biography of Robert Duval this weekend. And then I caught the western flick Open Range, in which Bobby shares screen time with Kevin Costner. The great thing about Duval is that he always seems to be paying attention, Hell, thinking, whenever Kevin does his laconic integrity dialogue thing (i.e. speaks his lines). Nobody does listening better than Duval– even if he's probably thinking about shagging some young production assistant. Certainly not Top Gear's James May or Richard Hammond. (I mean pretending to think, not getting shagged by Robert Duval). As JC pontificates in front of hundreds of adoring fans, it's like Hammond and May are standing in front of the school principal, waiting for him to shut up so they can say something clever to get into even more trouble, Instead, anything they say can and will be used against them to make Clarkson seem even more bombastic than he already is– and that's saying something. Still, you've got to give The Great One and his production team credit. They really are… …. …. something else. As is, of course, the GT-R.

1. It's lazy journalism. You don't have to write a coherent thesis. Just pick a topic, choose ten cars that fit the remit and, perhaps, come up with a formula upon which to base your selections. 2. It's always wrong. There is always at least one car that doesn't belong on the list. Newsday's "10 new fuel-friendly cars the coming year may bring" offers patient readers the option of waiting for a hydrogen-powered BMW 7-Series. 3. The captions are uninformed, poorly written and condescending. In this case, the tasteless McNuggets are prepared with the help of Edmunds' road test editor Brian Moody. "The good news is that VW is going to put diesels into the hands of the average person who may just want good fuel economy in a normal car." Huh. 4. There's always a whiff of whore's perfume to the choices. "Brian Moody makes a valid point [about the Cadillac Escalade Hybrid]: 'GM was shrewd to put out a vehicle that basically helps luxury SUV owners feel better about driving a big SUV.'" All that said, these lists are ridiculously popular with the mainstream press. So… help us choose "The Top Ten Cars for People Who Don't Care About Top Ten Car Lists," based on the best cars not currently on a popular top ten list.

Presidential Candidate John McCain raised a few metaphorical eyebrows last week when he reversed an earlier, federalist policy position. The Senator from Arizona stepped-up to an MI microphone and declared he'd [now] support California's quest to supercede federal automotive C02 regs (i.e. set higher corporate average fleet mpg averages than the feds). According to The Detroit News, the Senator from Arizona has, uh, reconciled his position on the matter. "Later Friday, a senior campaign aide sought to clarify McCain's position. The aide, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said McCain supports the ability of states to impose regulations until a national 'cap and trade' program to limit carbon emissions, something McCain has proposed, is in place. Once carbon caps are established, the aide said, McCain would oppose state regulations." So McCain will oppose California's tailpipe regs… later. Which means the statement "It's hard for me to tell the states they can't set their own standards… At the end of the day, I think states should make their own decisions" was premature recapitulation. 

Kevin Bacon fans note: there are no degrees of separation between Tesla Death Watch 12 and this, Volt Birth Watch 67. They're both based on the same TTAC-mentioning New York Times article on mainstream electric vehicles (EV). The Death Watch revealed scribe Joe Nocera's skepticism for Tesla's four-door dreams– sorry "plans" for a mainstream EV. And wails on Aptera's ambitions. So how will we all live together, together in electric dreams? The plug-in hybrid electric – gas Chevrolet Volt ! "So where should we look, realistically, for a mass-market electric vehicle? Believe it or not, Detroit. In fact, the quick-fix approach that strikes me as the most promising comes from — surprise! — General Motors, the chief villain of 'Who Killed the Electric Car?' The Chevy Volt, which the company wants to bring to market in 2010, is a plug-in hybrid that aspires to be able to travel 40 miles before switching to gasoline power. But the best part is that the combustion engine will automatically recharge the battery — so it can switch back even while you’re driving." Huh? What about the here-and-now Toyota Prius? Especially as it's headed for plug-in-itude. Nope. "It’s not sexy like the Tesla, and it’s not aerodynamic like the Aptera Typ-1. But for a mass-market solution in the here and now, [the Volt's] the one to root for." 

TTAC's Best and Brightest have debated the position of The New York Times in America's psychosociopolitical gestalt. But one thing's for sure: if the Gray Lady pans your high-tech cutting edge PC EV, your five minutes of unadulterated upmarket adulation are over. "Costly Toys, or a New Era for Drivers?" asks Joe Nocera. Obviously, he's going to play it both ways. But the scribe's double negative about Tesla's mainstream ambitions. "Just because Tesla has succeeded in making an expensive electric sports car does not mean that it will be able to make a moderately priced five-seat sedan. The latter is a quantum leap more difficult… David Cole, the chairman of the Center for Automotive Research, is another Tesla skeptic. For one thing, he says, the battery solution in the Roadster probably won’t work in a heavier car. 'Lithium batteries are going to change the world,' he said, 'but they are not ready for prime time.' Tesla’s solution in the Roadster — tying together thousands of small batteries into one giant one — is 'suboptimal.' He added, 'On a degree of difficulty scale, building a sports car is a 2. Building a high-volume affordable car is a 10.'" Nocera gets seriously cranky, narked at Tesla's "petty dissembling." "The more I prodded, though, the more skeptical I became." Join the club Joe. And thanks for reading. 

Three years. That's how long an eight-member GM hit squad's been working on defining The General's eight North American brands. Let's start at the end of The Detroit Free Press article on Liz Wetzel's team in GM's Global Brand Studio. Pom-pom-wielding autoscribe Mark Phelan concludes "…the automaker appears to have a solid product plan and design vision for its other brands for the first time in decades." OK, now, here it is: "Buick and Cadillac owners both have money, but they choose to spend it on radically different things. A Buick owner would be inclined for a quiet vacation on an isolated beach, while Cadillac is more about dressing up for a night out on a weekend in the city. A Pontiac will be designed for the nightlife, too, but for a fashion-forward agenda with pounding bass and flashing strobes. Chevrolets aim to look good as well, but with the effortless appeal of blue jeans and a good shirt, not Pontiac's club-hopping flash. Saab sells cars around the world, so it can speak to a smaller audience: people who consider themselves independent thinkers and want a car with Scandinavian style and environmentally responsible performance. Saturn attracts buyers who wouldn't touch a Chevy or Pontiac with a 10-foot-pole and its theme will build on Opel's European strengths: design, handling, fuel efficiency and interior room." Before you ask, in GM's world, that IS a plan.

In 2001, Robert A. Lutz jumped on the GM gravy train as the automaker’s vice chairman of product development. Since then, The General has continued its inexorable march to oblivion. Car-wise, Lutz’ regime has been marked by brand-defiling badge engineering and a seemingly endless stream of “nearly there” products. And yet the automaker’s camp followers continue to give Lutz a free pass. There’s only one reason for this blind spot: they don’t pay attention to what he does OR what he says. Perhaps they failed to notice that the guy’s got a blog.

Ever since GM CEO Rick Wagoner announced his first turnaround plan (turn around while I pocket $100m), Wall Street and the mainstream media have reacted positively to his cuts. And every single time TTAC's responded with Death Watch warnings that the cuts don't mean jack shit. GM's octo-branded, dealer-bloated, product-lame, legacy-intensive, union-stifled, fiefdom-protecting business model is broken. Last week, Rabid Rick did it again. And once again, the stock emerged, zombie-like from its grave. Only this time, those supposed to be in-the-know are, in fact, in-the-know. CNNMoney [finally] rolls with the changes, proclaiming "GM's Stock Surge May Be Short-Lived; Earnings, Sales Eyed." Hmmm. Could be. "In announcing the liquidity-boosting plan, the company also said that it expects to report significant losses when second-quarter financial results are announced in the next few weeks. GM hasn't announced a date for the release of its quarterly financial report. July sales results, set to be released Aug. 1, could bring more bad news for GM and its Detroit-based counterparts, which continue to lose market share to foreign-based rivals." As sure as eggs are eggs, GM faces yet another credit downgrade. If GM hocks its foreign ops– it's only remaining asset of  value– then even Chapter 11 may not save The General. 

GM's flailing Rethink brand is holding a contest that just BEGS to be punked, on every possible level. You can almost hear the titters at GM as the brand managers read the irony-free press release. "Contestants can kiss their own Astra, a friend’s Astra or drop by any Saturn retailer and kiss their Astra, and then upload a photo of the kiss at www.ImSaturn.com [strapline: UR2]. The contestant with the funniest, most creative photo – as selected by the online Saturn community – will win a 2008 Saturn XR 5-door." And if that isn't enough of an open invitation to chaos, yes, that is GM Car Czar Bob Lutz putting flesh to metal on the Belgian-built vehicle that racked-up all of 888 sales in June, 4365 year-to-date. There's plenty more hilarity where that comes from (click here). And MAN what I wouldn't do to see the photos that didn't make the site. But I won't do that. No I won't do that.

Later today, we'll share the results of TTAC's readers' poll. It proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you really are the autoblogosphere's Best and Brightest. One of the gems unearthed by this opt-in poll (yeah, I know) is that our hard-core surfs Autoblog and Jalopnik on a regular basis. This [non] revelation inspires us to continue following branding guru Al Reis advice: if you're not the market leader, define your brand against the other guys. Now no one can accuse Jalopnik of not having a sense of humor (or an anti-flaming policy). But Autoblog has just crossed into new dimensions of unfunny with this video. I mean, there I was thinking, fair enough, poke a little fun at the Ford Flex. Why not? And as I watched… nothing. Save some elliptical crack about Ford Thunderbird technology and the old FoMoCo logo at the end, this clip could have from come The Blue Oval Boys themselves. Lapdoggery never looked so… bland. Anyway, TTAC video will be coming to a screen near you soon. Expect the unexpected. 

TTAC commentator Muholland Mike writes… " As an avid reader and sometimes poster on your site I have a follow up to this story [about the elimination of the LA Times Highway One section, and the banishment to Pulitzer Prize winning auto critic Dan Neil to the Business section]. I opened up my Wed. LA times yesterday morning to find that the Auto section hadn't really gone away, it has just morphed into one of these hideous "special" sections full of crap/pr based stories on some lame ass theme like: "Luxury cars for morons." So it seems that GM and the local LA dealers have won out. Dan Neil is banished to the back of the Friday business section and the advertising department is now in complete control of the "new and improved" Automotive section, Just like every other sell-out newspaper in America." Speaking as TTAC's publisher, I look forward to the day when we can afford to hire Dan Neil.