Behind every flailing/failing company is a bunch of clueless, warring egomaniacs. Students of mismanagement mishegos have a new case study to contemplate, thanks to a portrait of the aspiring electric vehicle maker in Fortune magazine. There's plenty of SNAFU granularity to consider, but the main theme is that Tesla founder Martin Eberhard is an overwhelmed Wozniak to Elon Musk's OCD Jobs. In other words, it's a simple case of the blind leading the lame. Or is that the other way around? Anyway, there are some insanely great quotes. "Musk has kept silent until now about what happened [to Martin Eberhard's crashed Roadster]. 'I was too busy trying to fix the fucking mess he left. I haven't had time to tell my story… I will say, I have never met someone who is as capable of creating such a disinformation campaign as Martin Eberhard.'" And "When an early member of the marketing team suggested putting solar panels on the roof of Tesla's new headquarters in San Carlos, Calif., Eberhard's response was, 'Why the fuck would we do that?'" And "Musk ordered the engineers to lower the doorsill two inches, thereby losing much of the cost savings that come from using a crash-tested off-the-rack chassis. 'Have you tried getting out of an Elise?' asks Musk. 'It's like you have to be a contortionist.'" There's SO much more. Suffice it to say, we learn that seven Roadsters have been completed; each cost Tesla more to build than they [in theory] make. Each will have to have its transmission replaced. The Tesla Death Watch continues. 

New Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) standards are enshrined in federal law. It's 35mpg by 2020, or a 4.5 percent annual increase. So why would The Big 2.8, Toyota and Porsche renew their efforts to raise the bar? Especially as someone might be looking for federal loan guarantees… As mob boss Carl Rojeck said in "My Favorite Year," "the fighting is in rounds." Now that the The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration's (NHTSA) writing the fine print, the kvetching starts afresh. To switch movie references, "Can you squeal like a pig?" The Detroit News reports that The Big 2.8 have filed paperwork urging NHTSA's pen pushers to "roll back proposed 4.5 percent annual increases in fuel efficiency requirements between 2011-15." Apparently, "the new rules will force them to slow the rollout of some advanced vehicles." Huh? Wouldn't it make them speed-up? Go figure. GM: We can't build enough Volts [more on that in a separate post]. Toyota: the 2011 requirements are "too aggressive." Ford: the proposal "seems to impose a disproportionate share of the burden on domestic manufacturers." Chrysler: ""It will cost Chrysler LLC thousands of dollars per vehicle in additional technology, not hundreds of dollars." Porsche: We might have to "leave the U.S. market until such time they develop new vehicles with advanced propulsion systems." Hyundai: bring it on! 

Automotive News [sub] reports that the perfect storm TTAC predicted last year is now a howling hurricane. "In June, used full-sized pickups sold at auction for an average price of $8,740 — a 25.4 percent decline from June 2007, according to auction company ADESA Inc. The average wholesale price of large SUVs plunged 27.5 percent to $10,577." Some say the worst is over. Tom Webb, chief economist for auction company Manheim, claims "wholesale prices of large SUVs appear to have reached bottom, while inventory of used large pickups needs to thin before prices stabilize." Appearances can be deceiving. While there may be a blip in light truck sales– as "bargain hunters" scoop-up cheap-as-chips vehicles– it's a dead cat bounce. The demand for pickups and SUVs has virtually disappeared. And there are millions of people who would get out of their gas-hungry vehicles if they could. But they can't. In short, as Frank reported in his June BTN, we've not seen the end of this downturn. TTAC's seemingly endless liturgical litany may sound as bleak as a Russian novel, but reality makes it so. Did you know that Russia considers Chekhov's supposedly dark dramas comedy? And anyway, when the going gets tough, the tough aren't phased. 

Cypselus von Frankenberg. Now that's what I call a name. (Even Mel Brooks would approve.) It belongs to MINI's spokesman. When Cypselus (can I call you Cypselus?) isn't busy calling media outlets to tell them to CAPITALIZE THE GOD DAMN NAME FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, he's updating journalists on the latest MINI variant. Did you know the MINI Mars Lander is due soon? Speaking of which, Automotive News [sub] reveals that the German-owned British brand is going to sell an electric vehicle version of the Cooper in the Golden State. "The [500] electric Minis [ARRGGGHHHH] are being built at the Mini [NOOOOOOO] factory in Oxford, England, without engines, gearboxes or fuel tanks, then shipped to Munich, Germany, where they are being fitted with electric powertrains." Needless to say BMW will take a bath on every EV MINI they sell. But the PR value will be priceless. Not only will the vehicles help satisfy CA Zero Emissions regs, but they'll be "leased to selected customers" (i.e. Hollywood's green glitterati). Hang on; how will bystanders distinguish an EV MINI from a "regular" MINI? "The electric Minis are painted silver and have yellow roofs." Although range and recharge times are unspecified (of course), it's unlikely that EV MINI will be slower than the original, 1.4-liter, 90hp MINI ONE, a vehicle that kept bumping into itself (i.e. it couldn't get out of its own way). But it's not impossible.

I'm not sure I'd want The New York Times brokering a deal for me. In this case, the Gray Lady's Op Ed folk are suggesting that New York City's Taxi and Limousine Commission acquiesce to cabbies' demands for a $1 per trip fuel surcharge. In exchange, the paper calls for a free ride IF a cabbie talks on his or her cell during a fare. It sounds sensible enough– until you consider the fact that there is already a law against cabbies on cell phones (even hands-free) whilst working. In other words, the NYT wants the government to bribe taxi drivers to comply with an existing regulation. Surely the time to do the carrot stick thing was before the law was enacted. "New York did raise taxi fares two years ago, which helped drivers’ incomes, at least until the price of staying on the road quickly climbed to more than $4 a gallon at area stations. According to drivers’ advocates, costs have risen as much as $1,000 a month for some drivers." If The Big Apple's "giving" taxi drivers an extra grand, they should look for some sort of new concession. Suggestions?

You can't make this shit up. The Wall Street Journal publishes an article saying GM is considering killing some of its "damaged" brands. GM spinmeister Tony Cervone categorically denies the story. The Detroit News says nope, it's true. And now CNNMoney reports that GM Marketing Maven Mark LeNeve sent a letter to The General's store owners denying the denial of the denial. In other words, the Wall Street Journal story isn't true. (They aren't killing brands.) "We engage you, our dealers, in this process of improving our business," the intercepted missive assures. "That is the extent of the 'examination' that is going on at this time for Saturn or any other GM brand. There is no breaking news here." That said, if one were inclined to read between the lines… "It is true that we constantly review our plan for improving volume and profitability for Saturn and all our brands," he wrote. Constantly reviewing as in checking results against targets? Nah, couldn't be. He must mean revising their sales targets downwards. Anyway, there is either more or less here than meets the eye. I think.

Henry Ford: "You don't build a reputation on what you're going to do." GM CEO Rick Wagoner: "Our team continues to develop further action plans to optimize our operating structure under these new market conditions, improve our cash and funding position, and keep our key product and technology investments on track." I know that many of our Best and Brightest are cubicle-dwellers; workers well-versed in the kind of euphemisms used by managers to obfuscate– I mean "hide" inactivity and incompetence. (My personal pet peeve is verbizing perfectly good nouns, as in "let's action that plan.") Just so we're all on the same page, I'm saying that a great leader does NOT resort to doublespeak and big words when the chips are down. Winston Churchill didn't say "I pledge to maximize my personal contribution to right-sizing the National Socialist Government by exanguination and perspicacity." He said ""I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat." If Rick Wagoner really wanted to save GM– and not his own ass– he would start by speaking plain English. As if. 

Yes, I know this, uh, feature was originally posted last month. And I realize I've been dumping on The Detroit News for a couple of days now. But they deserve it and honestly, even if this isn't the world's ugliest car (remember: the Aztec and Tribeca B9 are SUVs), the 789 sure doesn't qualify as "best of past, present." Seriously, am I supposed to take this car seriously? "Take the most distinctive elements of the 1957, 1958 and 1959 Chevrolets," Larry Edsall (no really) writes. "Put them together around a new Corvette chassis and what do you have? You have the spectacular 789 from Kanter Concepts and n2a Motors." Apparently, I'm in the minority in thinking that the only reason there isn't a single ten-foot pole mark on this thing is because people wouldn't touch it with one. "The goal is to sell as many as 100 copies. Nos. 15, 16 and 17 are under construction with sales contracts just in for Nos. 18 and 19, [CEO Greg] Langmesser said." No way! I mean, n2a stands for "no two alike"– which doesn't fill me with confidence to their build quality, even at $75k ABOVE the cost of a donor Corvette. And for those who [happen to] agree with me that this is a hideous piece, check out that site for the Anteros. Or, if you're of a delicate disposition, not. 

So now, without referring ONCE to GM's point blank denial of the Wall Street Journal article claiming the automaker was considering chopping brands and firing bureaucrats, The Detroit News reports that GM IS "undertaking an in-depth review of its product portfolio that could include eliminating or selling a brand." "A" brand or "some" brands? Who knows? But according to "a source familiar with the plans"– which could be you by now– this whole kerfuffle will end-up being nothing more than a damp squib. The "strategic review' will "most likely will result in the Detroit automaker purging overlapping models and shifting its emphasis to more fuel-efficient cars." Whew! And there we were thinking something radical might go down. Meanwhile, GM spinmeister Tom Wilkinson assured the DetN that there's gold in them thar' hills, when should GM need it. "Additional measures could include further reducing structural costs, selling noncore assets, and retiming or eliminating other capital spending. In addition, we will consider opportunistically executing financing transactions in the global capital markets, although we have nothing to announce." While we await that announcement, add "opportunistically executing" to "operationally bankrupt" and "aggressively conservative" to your lexicon of two-word bankruptcy-related expressions. 

I'm no good at math. If I need to crunch numbers– relative mpgs, the long term cost of interest payment deals, Rick Wagoner's salary increases– I let Frank do it for me. Otherwise TTAC's Best and Brightest "correct" my erroneous calculations in no uncertain terms. As students of our education system's failures will attest, I am not the only checkbook balancing-challenged citizen of these great United States. This knowledge is also shared by various state lottery commissions, who understand that greed, like love, is numerically illiterate. The New York Times reports that Florida has joined Georgia, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Washington in offering tickets that award "gas for life" instead of cold, hard cash. "Not that a winner’s right to free gasoline is unlimited. Rather, each winner will be awarded 26 prepaid gas cards, each worth $100, every year until death. Were the 44-year-old Mr. Acosta to win, and live to be twice his current age, the total payout to him in free gasoline would be $114,400. That is far short of the [$250k] first prize, particularly since virtually all the gas prize would be paid in future dollars." Future dollars? WTH is a future dollar? I want my payout in good old American currency! Anyway, here's the thinking: "Gas has become more precious than cash now,” Bernard Feldman told the Old Gray Lady. Even when it isn't.

OK, Sharon we'll bite. What's the deal with the Ford Escape Hybrid? Is it true that The Blue Oval Boyz purposely restrict supply because they lose money on every one they sell? And the answer is… "There are regional spots of very high demand," FoMoCo spinmeister Alan Hall told The Detroit News. "We are building to our production plans of 24,000 units per year (of Ford Escape and Mercury Mariner hybrids) combined." Sigh. So, surely that's it, yes? I mean we can't very well talk about a shortage of GM's hybrid SUVs, as customers for the two-mode gas – electric behemoths are lined-up none deep. Or can we? "GM's other hybrid trucks, the full-size Chevrolet Tahoe and GMC Yukon, are hard to find, in part because about half of the automakers' dealers opted not to sell them. Also, GM has produced the vehicles in limited numbers." Aw c'mon Sharon, the reason GM dealers don't have hybrid SUVs on their lots is that nobody wants them. By your own count, GM sold less than 1500 hybrid SUVs so far this year. Suggesting that GM dealers won't stock them because they don't want to "go through special training" is more than disingenuous. It's lying.

Well, here we are, sitting on the latest WP platform. So far, so good. Well, except for the problem with the podcast and the numerous New Content Notifications sent out for same. And yes, we know that the podcast's iTunes listing falls off the proverbial table after two days. Rest assured, as I do, that our highly capable technical staff are on the case. There's a lot of custom code within this sucker, so they've done well to get us this far. While they sort that out, if you experience any other glitches, please note them below. Hopefully, the new WP platform will solve the problems with the comment edit functions and, get this, offer some advantages. Like… a gallery! Yes, an honest-to-God photo gallery function with thumbnails and all. The new platform is also a first step towards our totally rad web 2.0 site. But, for the time being, thanks again for your patience, understanding and participation. 

Huh. There can only be three explanations. One: The Wall Street Journal was seriously duped by a stock manipulator or a member of one of GM's warring factions. Two: The Wall Street Journal made shit up– there are no "these people" or "people familiar with the matter" or "people close to senior leadership." Or three: GM is lying; they are considering terminating/selling Buick, GMC, Pontiac, Saab and/or Saturn. Bloomberg ignores the implications and reports the refutation: "GM spokesman Tony Cervone… said no brands are under 'strategic review' beyond Hummer." Well, that's unequivocal. Then again, we know for a fact that GM's use of the term 'strategic review' is misleading; the automaker has shut off all HUMMER's dealer support and new product development. Anyway, the denial puts paid to my theory that GM PR planted the story to bolster the ailing automaker's sagging stock price and help it raise a little money (as in $15b). I mean, GM PR wouldn't purposely plant a story and then deny it, would they? Nah. It's probably one more example of the panic and confusion aboard the holed, listing ship that is General Motors. 

Obviously, TTAC's Best and Brightest know that paralipsis means drawing attention to something soyou can prove that it's unimportant by proceeding to ignore it. I reckon it's the perfect word to describe Motown's coverage of Black Hole Black Tuesday, when The Big 2.8's SUV and pickup truck sales (not to mention cars) took a body blow, one of many to follow. But there is a wider point here: life goes on. The vast majority of people– and by "people" I'm referring to non-pistonheads– are not bothered by any of this. They remain blissfully unaware of Motown's seismic shocks. Most will have no idea that Detroit is in trouble until a bubble-headed bleached blond looks at them in the eye and says "Detroit is in trouble." Whatever explanations are offered past that point are forgotten within seconds. And then the story itself. It's only when the "news" becomes personal that it gains any sort of resonance. If a GM dealer treats a customer like shit or their car breaks down on the way to pickup the kids, it's far more noteworthy– to them– than an unrelated Detroit automaker going bankrupt. Which is exactly why one or more of the Big 2.8 is going to go bankrupt. Anyway, leaving that aside, our podcast. 

[NOTE: The podcast function is not working at the moment. The techs are aware. As soon as it's working, I'll remove this message. I apologize for the inconvenience.] 

That was then, this is now. Oh wait; that's now too– at least according to our friends over at Autoblog. Scribe Dan Roth offers the testimonial upon hearing the news that Volvo's COO is spinning faster than a supersonic dradle. ""We want to continue to compete with Mercedes, BMW and Audi," Steven Armstrong, Volvo's COO tells Automotive News [sub]. "We're working to improve the premium-ness of the brand and our products." Shouldn't that be premiumnessosity? And who considers Volvo an alternative to a Merc, Bimmer or Audi? You know; other than Autoblog? Not U.S. consumers apparently. "Volvo sold 458,323 units worldwide last year, of which 106,213 were sold in the United States. Volvo's U.S. sales peaked at 139,067 units in 2004, but they are expected to fall to around 95,000 this year." While we await the Swedish brand's long-denied sale, we're left wondering about Roth's comprehension and sentence construction skills. "The possibility of building its cars in the United States might bring prices down [Ed: the possibility will bring prices down?] and allow better developed performance versions, versus the outclassed R models of the past," Roth contends. "The issue is not quite as high on the agenda as it was in January," Armstrong said.