By 1968, Elvis' career was over. The King had squandered his cultural capital on an endless series of hokey flicks with soundtracks so forgettable I've forgotten them. Although the movies all made money and spawned the word "inelvitable" (the appearance of the Jordanaires whenever Elvis started to sing), they turned him into an roller rink singer. But in '68, Elvis' got his shit together (i.e. used sleeping pills to lose weight) and taped a Christmas TV show for NBC. In what came to be known as "The '68 Comeback Special," Elvis sang a finale written for him the night before the recording. The King grabbed a crappy microphone, reached deep inside his soul and belted-out "If I Can Dream" as if his life depended on it. Which, in some ways, it did. Elvis proved that F. Scott Fitzgerald was wrong: there is a second act in American lives. I like to think that one of the buff books (or American automakers) will stare oblivion in the face and channel their inner Elvis. They'll return to the spirit of the "good old days." But then I can't watch my favorite band, Little Feat, perform anymore. Sometimes it's best to move over for someone else. So if anyone wants to publish a TTAC magazine, let me know.  

Scanning the blogs as we do, Frank and I often sense the cold dead hand of automotive PR. Predictable patterns emerge. For example, GM saves bad news for Friday and launches "good" news (new products, restructuring, etc.) ahead of bad (sales figures, losses). This time, unusually, we've detected GM PR man Steve Harris' spinmeisterwerk post-trauma (Black Hole Tuesday). Unless… Anyway, not to diss disinformation, but Harris' handiwork arrives in the form of "here's one [high mileage car] we prepared earlier." Bloomberg doesn't even bother trotting-out the proverbial "unnamed sources" in its lead, preferring to stick with the "m" word. "General Motors Corp., which popularized the 7,800-pound Hummer, may [emphasis added] begin selling a mini-car more than a foot shorter than anything else it markets in the U.S. to win back buyers deterred by record fuel prices." Sure. We believe that. But here's the real story: "GM has reassigned engineers to many of the projects, according to the people familiar with the planning. The company is taking them from SUV and truck programs suspended while awaiting the return of customers. Now, these people said, GM sees no point in waiting." In other words, it's chaos as usual behind the scenes at GM– aside from the PR department.

As Autoblog (AB) didn't see fit to pick-up the gauntlet thrown down by TTAC on the Top Gear drink driving story, we'll blog one of theirs. And hey, wouldn't you know it? AB finally finds their inner snark and wastes it on an entirely sensible post on Toyota's Open Road blog. ToMoCo offers the above advise, including get on your bike (mate) and skip the drive-thru (unless you have a Toyota hybrid, of course). To which AB scribe Chris Shunk replies: "Automakers understand that the buying public is struggling with high gas prices, and the entire industry is working on new technologies to ease our financial burden. Unfortunately, new fuel efficient products are going to take a while to develop on a large scale, so for now we're just going to have to grin and bear it. That is unless you want to follow the wisdom of Toyota, which has dug deep into its core of corporate genius to give the car-driving public this little tidbit of advice: drive less. Wow, the solution was right under our noses the whole time, and we just didn't figure it out." Silly you.

I would have gone with Major Investor Liquidity Fuck-Up. But I suppose MILF's already taken. Anyway, The Detroit Free Press is waking-up and smelling the coffee, and JPMorgan (the investment bank, not the Gong Show judge) is brewing-up some sobering news. "Analysts at JPMorgan painted a bleak picture for Detroit’s automakers today, suggesting General Motors Corp. might need to raise $10 billion, Ford Motor Co. could be forced to sell Volvo and Chrysler LLC may have few if any options by late next year." Few options as in "The company could face a 'major liquidity event' by the second half of 2009 — and its options for raising capital are limited." Is a MLE the same as Chapter 11? While we await clarification from TTAC's Best and Brightest, I reckon JP's timeline is a bit optimistic. Their overall outlook, however, isn't. "The analysts note that a bankruptcy filing at any major U.S. automaker would be catastrophic for the broader industry, resulting in widely lower vehicle prices and dealing a severe setback to auto parts suppliers." (It's that middle bit that's got Toyota worried.) Oh wait! Maybe not "They sharply widened their loss estimates for both Ford and GM for the next two years, but still expect both companies to return to profitability by 2010." Gotta love that year!

Rick Wagoner is a lame duck. No matter how you look at it, it's clear that the failing, flailing CEO must go. Next week, The General's Board of Bystanders will meet to "discuss" the crisis. GM's dividend will disappear, triggering fresh anxiety (and some atta boys) from the financial markets and the media. The Bystanders should push Rick out of the RenCen penthouse, to glide to Aruba on his golden parachute. But they won't. They can't. Wagoner walking would be the final straw: an admission that GM's forked. And before he goes, Wagoner's got one more job to do… 

It's not even 9am, and it looks like we have a theme for the day: irresponsibility. Reuters reports that "A special edition of the [Top Gear] programme, aired in July last year, featured the show's three presenters in a race to the Magnetic North Pole. Two of them, Jeremy Clarkson and James May, were driving a heavily-modified Toyota [Hilux] pick-up truck and were shown drinking gin and tonics as they did so. It prompted one viewer to complain that the footage was 'grossly irresponsible.'" The show's producers had one word for the allegation: bollocks [paraphrasing]. They claimed they'd filmed the segment in an uninhabitable area of the North Pole. Just in case the Inuit population took offense that that suggestion, the BBC's Bad Boyz pointed out that they were in (on?) international waters "where no drink driving laws existed, and that the presenters were not shown to be drunk or out of control." Not to mention “that at present in the UK, it’s legal to drink a small amount of alcohol and still drive.” So that's alright then. Actually, no. "The BBC Trust upheld the complaint [made in APRIL] saying that drinking while driving "could be seen to glamorise the misuse of alcohol." So.. that's that then. Oh wait; the complainant was also peeved that the programme featured a bit about “parts of the anatomy and injuries to them that could shock." That's a reference to a frostbitten penis to you and me. Over to you Autoblog…

Which is just as well, really. By it's own (highly suspicious) count, Tesla has delivered less than five cars to paying customers since it began production on March 17th (of this year). Meanwhile and in any case, Tesla Chairman Elon Musk has now informed the Palo Alto Daily News that his car company will launch a $30k EV by 2012. For those of you keeping score, this as-yet-unnamed mid-market motor will arrive [in theory only] after Tesla's $60k EV– or part-EV– Whitestar luxury sedan. Sorry; "model S." And in large numbers, apparently. "The company hopes a new Bay Area plant will allow it to start production of 10,000 "Model S" sedans per year and ramp up to 20,000. It has no hard estimate yet for the $30,000 vehicle, but spokeswoman Colette Niazmand said she would anticipate 'tens of thousands' produced annually." OK, hang on a mo. I know talk is cheap and newspapers are entirely gullible when it comes anything green. But it should be clear to any observer with the slightest concept of automotive development lead times that Tesla is in the business of BS, not car construction. Given Musk's ability to raise cash and spout bluster, I realize this Death Watch series is headed for double-digits. But anyone who thinks Tesla is the future needs to read-up on Vector Motors. Or Bricklin. Or Tucker. Or AC Cobra. That's all I'm saying. For now. Obviously.

Yesterday felt like some kind of tipping point. TTAC's traffic didn't jump (growth continues to be slow and organic). We didn't land a new advertiser or score a junket or receive an award or introduce a new feature. We just kept doing what we do. Only this time, we were covering the June sales stats. Working as a team, our writers turned around the data faster than our rivals, and did so with our usual panache (a.k.a. lousy attitude). If persistence is the key to success, then we will be successful. But we will never forget that our reputation must exceed– I mean "proceed us." We must stay resolutely not-to-say violently independent. I contrast this pledge with a new low in Motor Trend's decline and fall, from Dealer Sales & Marketing. "Mudd Advertising announced the launch of a new marketing program that lets dealerships leverage the renowned MOTOR TREND name and MOTOR TREND “Car of the Year”, “Truck of the Year”, and “Sport Utility of the Year” logos. Through a special licensing agreement with MOTOR TREND, Mudd Advertising dealer clients can use these MOTOR TREND award logos in direct mail pieces and POP displays to attract more in-market buyers and increase vehicle sales." When you have to literally sell your good name, it's time to call it a day. Ours is just beginning. 

Bengt Halvorson's thesis for Newsweek/MSNBC/Forbes is a predictable, plodding piece of work. The dietribe [sic] makes a stab at exploring the muddy waters surrounding domestic vs. transplant "issue." "For instance, the Chevrolet Equinox, which is assembled in Ontario, has an engine made in China and a transmission from Japan, which brings its domestic content down to 55 percent. The Chrysler PT Cruiser is assembled in Mexico, has a Mexican-made engine and only 37 percent domestic content. Yet the Japanese-branded Toyota Sienna minivan, with a West Virginia-built engine and transmission, and a final assembly in Indiana, boasts 85 percent domestic content." Rather than negotiate a sensible path through this maze– screw it, it's a global economy, buy some Toyota shares, get over it– Halvorson's propagates the propaganda perpetuated by the "Level Field Institute." [This pro-domestic lobby group, run by United Auto Workers retirees, rightly points out that The Big 2.8 account for more U.S. jobs than transplants so that you'll consider rewarding their incompetence by buying a Korean-built Chevrolet Aveo.] Halvorson's "don't buy anything but Motown product" summary [as above] arrives in the third paragraph. His list of acceptable American cars are all made by GM, Ford and Chrysler. Well, it's supposed to. The embedded link to the "10 Most Patriotic Vehicles" takes you straight to the Honda DX Civic Sedan, one of the ten "Least Expensive Vehicles to Own." Funny, that. 

Red Sox fans will recognize this "not impossible nightmare" as the inverse of their team's fabled 1967 season. The rest of us will see it as a fancy way for an influential Wall Street firm to say a GM bankruptcy is "increasingly likely." In fact, Yahoo! News reports that Merrill's analysts had a gander at June's sales stats and GM's cash burn and reckon the ailing American automaker will need to raise an additional $15b– preferably with Merrill's help– to stay afloat. Meanwhile, Merrill Lynch analyst John Murphy shanked The General, cutting GM from "buy" (har-har) to "underperform," and lowering his price target from $28 to… $7 per share. The move slammed GM's stock price and forced a subtle shift in GM's increasingly taciturn spin. "We continue to believe the company has sufficient liquidity for 2008 despite lower volumes," GM spokeswoman Renee Rashid-Merem told Reuters. "If conditions continue to deteriorate, we would consider other operating measures." In other words, more cost-cutting in addition to fund raising. But honestly, what good what that do?

According to their press release, GMAC Insurance wants to "help you cut costs on the road." To that end, they offer the same five gas-saving tips offered by every auto-related PR firm in the entire country. Oh, if you've got an inactive OnStar button in your car (ah, but is it REALLY inactive?), you can also reduce your motoring expenses by signing-up for their Low-Mileage Discount. Providing you live in one of 34 non-paranoid, insurance industry-dominated states, doing so earns you some time money off for good behavior not driving. Here's how it works: "With the subscriber's permission, the odometer reading from his or her monthly OnStar Vehicle Diagnostics email is forwarded to GMAC Insurance. Based on those readings, the company will adjust the premium using discount tiers corresponding to miles driven. Information sent from OnStar to GMAC Insurance pertains solely to mileage, and no additional data is gathered or used for any purpose other than to help manage transportation costs. Customers who drive more than 15,000 miles per year are not penalized. In fact, all OnStar customers receive an insurance discount simply for having an active OnStar subscription." So, unlike OnStar, GMAC Insurance is promising NOT to provide law enforcement officials with OnStar data; you know, if you're suspected of a crime or in the event of a crash. And if you believe that, GM's got a high mileage hybrid SUV they'd like to sell you.

Jalopnik poses a pertinent question– at least for semantically-minded pistonheads. How can GM "extend" a 72-hour sale into a 14-day event? Andrew Stoy takes us down the spinmeisters' rabbit hole. "But how do 72 sort-of hours in seven days end up being 72 no-we-really- mean-it-this-time hours spanning a whopping 14 days (Tuesday the 24 through Monday the 7th)? By using the eight-hour workday! First, subtract the weekends; that's minus four days for a total of ten. But ten times eight is 80, you cry! A-ha. Don't forget the Fourth of July, friends. Subtract eight more hours, and you end up with a perfect 72-hour-long 72-Hour Sale. Which is exactly how GM intended it from the start, we're sure." As for the financial implications, it's important to remember that the fire sale prices came at the expense of GM's margins. And while the moved metal bolstered GM's sagging sales– from unthinkable to just plain horrible– there will be a reckoning.Quoted by U.S. News & World Report, Credit Suisse analyst Chris Ceraso predicts the 72-hour sale will generate "some pretty severe payback over the coming month or two."

Motown's been mauled. Despite it's 72-hour sale, GM's June sales dropped 18.5 percent. Despite its reasonably competitive small cars, Ford sales sank 28 percent. Despite uh, not being bankrupt, Chrysler sales tumbled 36 percent. The morning after Black Hole Tuesday, The Detroit News has dropped columnist Daniel Howes' party line– "Big Three in better shape to survive"– in favor of something more closely resembling reality. Former cheerleaders Christine Tierney, Bryce G. Hoffman, Brian J. O'Connor and Eric Morath have put their collective heads together to pen a partial paean to pessimism: "Slumping sales cloud Big 3's prospects." Yes, "This was supposed to be the year Detroit's automakers started to turn things around… But the industry's 18.3 percent sales decline in June, with steep drops for the Big Three, capped six months of bad news. With little prospect for relief in sight, the future of Detroit's automakers has never been murkier." Murky? C'mon, you can do better (worse?) that that! "Bankruptcy rumors are swirling around Chrysler and GM, while billionaire investor Kirk Kerkorian continues to amass shares of Ford stock. There is talk of reopening the UAW contract, of using profitable overseas operations as collateral for further loans, and of looking to foreign sovereign wealth funds for cash." Strangely, the article makes only a passing mention of new products (and nothing of the Volt, for once); the D2.8 are "rushing the introduction of new, more fuel-efficient models." Well, they did use the "b" word. 

You'd figure that Mercedes would promote their new California-compliant BlueTec diesel-powered vehicles based on their fuel efficiency. Times two, considering that opting for the oil-burning engine requires a $1k premium. And the fact that diesel is roughly 25 percent more expensive than gas. We knew there was an "issue" when WardsAuto's strapline revealed that "The ability of the diesel cross/utility vehicles to achieve a cruising range of up to 600 miles is a significant selling point, the auto maker says." To which we say uh-oh. Still, you'd think that Ward's would crunch the numbers. Nope. "Cleaning the exhaust doesn’t bite into fuel economy because the diesel generates 20%-33% better mileage than a comparable gasoline engine. The 6-cyl. Bluetec provides 4-cyl. fuel economy and V-8 power and torque, the auto maker claims." In the interests of veracity and transparency, Frank did the math for you below. Oh, and the BlueTec's NOx-scrubbing urea supply lasts just 10k miles. If the tank gets too low, you get 20 starts to refill. After that, the car won’t start. Where do I sign?

[First mpg = EPA combined mileage; second mpg = BT mpg rounded to the nearest whole number]

G-class – GL450 4matic (4.6L V8), 15mpg > 18 – 20mpg; GL550 4matic (5.5L V8), 14mpg > 17 – 19mpg M-Class – ML350 4matic (3.5L V6), 17mpg > 20 – 23mpg; ML550 4matic (5.5L V8), 15mpg > 18 – 20mpg R-Class – R350 4matic (3.5L V6), 16mpg > 19 – 21mpg

Hey, why not create a national network of electric vehicle [EV] re-charge stations? OK, this video kinda exaggerates the all-important re-charge time. And if those mats recharge your EV in ten seconds, why do you need a car wash-style battery swap stations? These are not churlish questions (which is why we continue to ask Tesla about their Roadster's range and recharge times). They speak to the commercial viability of the entire project. Anyway, go for it Shai! What's that? You want MY tax dollars to pay for all this? AutoblogGreen tells the tale. "Speaking to the House of Representatives Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming (we have one of those?), Agassi said, 'For the price of two months worth of oil, some $100 billion, we can put in place the infrastructure needed to power the nation's cars and end this oil dependence.' Ambitious, no? He then threw in the 'American jobs' angle with, 'Of that $100 billion, moreover, some $80 billion will go into jobs that, by their nature, can only be performed in the US – the construction of the infrastructure itself.'" Other than remarking on Agassi's chutzpah. AutoblogGreen lets the wisdom of federal tit-sucking go unchallenged. We call boondoggle. If it's such a good idea, let the electric companies pay for it.