Last week, I spoke with former Florida Oldsmobile dealer Robert Horvath. Horvath insisted that General Motors cut a secret deal with Toyota to deep-six Olds. Reacting to this tin foil hat analysis of Oldsmobile’s demise, TTAC commentator canfood extended his deepest sympathies. “When something so unexpected and seemingly nonsensical happens it causes people to attribute it to some kind of outside force or even some kind of supernatural event.” Less charitably, if you refuse to accept reality long enough, you lose the ability to do so. The men helming GM are on that arc.

According to Tim Higgins' front-page story in Wednesday's Detroit Free Press, "Chrysler's new chief executive office and chairman, addressed more than 300 senior executives at an all-day meeting Tuesday at Hyatt Regency Dearborn." Turns out Nardelli was sick on Tuesday. When the error was flagged, the Freep added this little ditty to the online version: "Correction: This story has been corrected since it was originally posted. The timing of CEO Bob Nardelli's address to executives was incorrect in early versions of this story. Nardelli is expected to speak to Chrysler execs today (Wednesday)." Yes, well, that's not much of an explanation is it? Clearly,Mr. Higgins wrote his report based on an advance copy of the speech. Oops. The next day, the gang over at The Detroit News felt obliged to include this info in their [follow-up?] story: "Nardelli was ill Tuesday and unable to address the group of 300 top Chrysler executives during the first day of a two-day meeting." They should talk. The Detroit News' relied on unnamed "sources" for its report on Nardelli's speech. As the Brits say, when you're in a hole, the first thing you do is stop digging. 

Sorry for the late post, Justin. My daughter's musical education demanded an emergency trip the Bundus to secure a larger violin from the only gray-haired man I've ever seen with a Beatles-style (a.k.a. bowl) haircut. Stepping out of the Volvo S80– a press car that my wife had scratched only hours before while choking on a mint in an underground parking garage– I noticed that the Bee Gees-era Chevrolet Caprice parked adjacent was adorned with a sticker: "RI State Troopers. Always there when you need them." I had to laugh. I mean, you pay a "donation" to a "benevolent fund" (how mafia is that) and you get this sticker that asks the cop not ticket you 'cause you reached into your pocket when a highly paid telemarketer ignored the national Do Not Call list to tell you how many police officers died so that some meths-crazed loser wouldn't interrupt the crucial last five minutes of Iron Chef America– like he just did. I say, if you're that worried, drive a Volvo S80. If ever a car discouraged rapid progress, this is it. In fact, the Caprice driver would have LOVED the S80; same floaty drifty dynamics, touchy brakes, unsupportive seats, slow and complaining engine and family-friendly packaging. In fact, it's the missing link! Anyway, I digress. Here's the podcast.

After blogging the press release on underground parking garage safety (park near a light), we've become aware that re-packaging the blindingly obvious is putting food on the table of public relations companies. It may not be enough for a regular feature, but your comments on the garage story were amusing enough for us to offer you this tidbit from Graco Children's Products. After telling carpooling school parents to make sure all the kids have the right-sized car seat (presumably all made by Graco), the company advises motorized caregivers to place all children under 12 in the rear seat, choose the right car seat, make sure it's fitted properly and lock the doors. Oh, and keep a contact sheet "readily available" in case, well, you know. I'll start the bidding with this addition: seat siblings as far away from each other as humanly possible. 

When the temperature of the gasoline crests 100 degrees, the fuel loses roughly one percent efficiency. That may not sound like much, but OilWatchdog.org says its a freakin' scam. "At the higher end of fuel temperatures, 105 degrees, the energy loss is nearly a dime a gallon. Drivers' losses boost the bottom line of oil companies." Needless to say, the group supports the "hot fuel" class action lawsuit against ExxonMobil. They're also offering a free, official-looking "motor fuel ripoff notice" which you should "put on your car or anywhere it will be seen by many. Not, of course, on gas pumps, which could be construed as posting without permission." (This next to the words "STICK IT TO BIG OIL.") In the interests of journalistic objectivity, The LA Times also slams the oil companies for not adjusting prices by temperature ("The oil industry gets a lot of abuse, much of it without merit. But it's on the wrong side of the argument in this case."). Open-minded readers may wish to explore the issue over theoilddrum.com, which proclaims that "hot gas is hot air" and uses (gasp) science to make the point.

Hot on the heels of the launch of their new 67-horse 1.4-litre diesel Mazda 2 (something about that doesn't sound right), the triple-Zoom meisters have announced their intention to go green. Mazda says they'll spend a good part of the next two years fitting their cars with hybrid engines and stop/start technology (presumably nothing to do with the key or brakes). As What Car? points out, Mazda has already shown its commitment to the environment by building and leasing the Japan-only RX-8 Hydrogen RE, which runs on either high-pressure hydrogen or gas. Does this mean the brand will stray from maximum-bang-for-the-buck? The same What Car? article reveals Mazda engineers' fanatical efforts to reduce the Mazda 2's weight to increase efficiency and (we hope) performance. So there is hope.

Of course, that's not the way the left-leaning Guardian newspaper's spinning news that their country's populace relies on cars for 80 percent of their journeys. (That's four fifths of all movements hither and yon.) As far as the papers' editors are concerned (and rest assured they are), the UK Department for Transport's annual national travel survey is bad news. Hence the second paragraphs' statement that a quarter of all UK car trips were less than two miles. And this back asswards analysis: "The proportion of households in Britain without access to a motor vehicle fell to 25% last year, from 30% 10 years previously – the lowest figure ever." Consumer affairs correspondent Rebecca Smithers trots-out the Paul Watters of the AA (Automobile Association) to finish her report with the appropriate chastisement: "UK citizens know the transport system lags behind those in Europe. The UK's congested network would do better with a dose of European medicine, showing how to run a truly joined-up transport system."

"Keeping federal taxes low and ensuring that those funds are spent wisely by Washington bureaucrats will continue to be my highest priority. I'm proud of my record as a fiscal conservative." That's Dan Burton's official response to the revelation that the Indianapolis congressional representative leases a Cadillac DeVille at the taxpayer's expense. While Dan has the right idea– $700 a month for a Caddy pales in comparison to, um, anything you'll find in the federal pork barrel– the brouhaha shows that A) the Cadillac brand still has power despite everything GM has done to destroy it and B) some politicians just can't help themselves. Or can and do. Anyway, The Indianapolis Star has a rundown (so to speak) of their pols whips. Needless to say, they're all American, including a Buick, Dodge Grand Caravan, Chrysler Pacifica, Oldsmobile minivan (?), Chrysler 300 and a brace of Impalas. Seems the presidential candidates' predilection for the Ford Escape Hybrid hasn't trickled down quite yet. 

I really do wonder about the clash of ideologies inherent in the green movement. I'm just about old enough to remember America's transition from seemingly boundless self-confidence and optimism (retro-actively captured by Donald Fagen's masterpiece The Nightfly) to cynicism, doubt, fear and self-loathing (typified by Buffalo Springfield's "Stop, hey what's that sound"). Automotively speaking, what greater contrast could you have than the bold, brash, befinned Cadillacs of the '50's vs. today's Kremlin-style DTS? But the wider point perplexes. Are we really supposed to be the generation that turns it back on conspicuous consumption in favor of social responsibility? While I am, at heart, a minimalist, I find the idea of peak oil and global warming and don't drive an SUV or a Ferrari 'cause you're killing my child, your child, everyone's children to be somehow antithetical to the American way. I know that the 50's weren't a lot of laughs for a lot of people, and that "the American way" as described revolts many people, but is it really so wrong to celebrate conspicuous consumption? While some– and I'm thinking Tesla here– capture the public imagination with a "cake and eat it too" solution, I'm not so sure we can have it both ways. Nor am I sure I can give up the things I love for the greater good. Just sayin'. 

I think it's safe to say to place this theory somewhere between Big Oil/Detroit's alleged conspiracy against the electric car and Erich von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods, ascribing human technological advances to alien visitations. Robert Horvath is the former Coral Gables Oldsmobile dealer who somehow decided that Oldsmobile's road to oblivion wasn't paved with good intentions and/or the inevitable result of a confederacy of dunces. While I haven't read Horvath's tome Project 2000, I read the press release, which, sensibly enough, makes no mention of the Toyota angle. By the end of our chat, I was feeling sorry for Mr. Horvath. No matter what you think of the wisdom of killing Olds, it behooves us to remember the executive actions have very real human consequences.

After enough inter-company Powerpoint presentations to stupefy marketing mavens in three companies (Google, Yahoo! and DaimlerChrysler Research, Engineering and Design North America), Mercedes is adding a "Search and Send" function to its OnStar-like telematics and emergency response system. You search for destinations on either Google or Yahoo!, press "send to car," jump in your mighty Merc, press the i button on the Tele Aid system and decide whether or not to start your odyssey (not Honda) or save the info for laterhosen. The feature will be available on the S-Class and the new C-Class from September 5; no word on retrofitting. Nor do we have any info on possible security breaches, as the system also allows "friends" to send you route guidance info. Given our recent report on compromised real-time traffic info, is that a hacker's heads-up or what? 

"Wow, I can actually feel better about my carbon footprint!" So proclaimeth an unknown supporter on Carbonfund.org's website. According to Environmentalleader.com, VW's down with that. The environmental campaigners report that the German automaker will supply the "fund" in Carbonfund's plan to buy and reforest 1,100 acres of the Lower Mississippi Alluvial Valley, Louisiana. In case you're wondering how they do the math, "the offsets will be based on the average annual emissions for each different type of model sold in the four-month period." It's not an open-ended deal; VW will cover carbon emissions for vehicles sold from September 1, 2007 until January 2, 2008. But the company invites new owners to keep paying for their guilt environmental impact by continuing the offset arrangement into the new year. In fact, VeeDub's putting a "carbon calculator" on an official micro site hosted by… Carbonfund.org.   

Press cars are specially selected, carefully prepared and meticulously maintained. Why wouldn’t they be? You can hardly expect a manufacturer to pluck a car from the assembly line and trust their model’s reputation to the vagaries of quality control– even though the car’s less likely to receive a harsh critique than a seventh grade production of The Wizard of Oz. To their credit, the manufacturers eventually “let go;” surrendering specially selected, carefully prepared new vehicles to the buff books’ long-term fleets. When things go wrong, as they do, the result betrays the tension between payola and editorial credibility. 

And that's it: the whole story, via contactmusic.com. While some of us have never forgiven the former Mrs. John Lennon for breaking-up the Beatles, this stunning example of political incorrectness is bound to awaken an entirely new generation of Ono detractors. You know, provided she said it. 'Cause we can't find the origin of this remark, which the aforementioned Beatles fans are sure to spread throughout cyberspace (with our help). Anyway, THIS is the time for Lexus PR to step up to the plate and promote their forthcoming 600h L. Something tells me Ms. Ono wouldn't mind accepting a free loaner in exchange for promoting the world's most expensive– and luxurious– hybrid. Of course, she'd need to keep making stupid statements to get enough publicity to make it worth their while, and God knows WHAT she might say. I dunno, something like, curry powder prevents Alzheimer's. Wait, done.

Brandweek and Adage report that Mercedes will launch a big ass (my words) marketing campaign for their new C-Class on September 10, aiming to woo buyers with ads that stress the sedan's build quality and precision engineering. Without a trace of irony, Merc marketing maven Steve Cannon says his employer aims to show potential buyers that its "entry-level offering is as solid and dependable as its most expensive models." No wonder, then, that Cannon aiming the spots at first time buyers (i.e. buyers who never personally experienced the discrepancy between Mercedes' rep for reliability and their actual reliability). More specifically, Mercedes' core target "is 35 to 45 years old, equally male and female, educated and with a household income of about $100,000." While one wonders how many Mercedes buyers are (or are willing to admit to being) equally male and female, you've got to admire the former Airborne Ranger's spunk. When Ad Age asked from whence cometh potential C-Classers, Cannon showed confidence, hipness and a genuine talent for jargon: "The usual suspects: luxury competitors like BMW, Infiniti, Lexus and Audi and a lot of what feeds this segment is highly equipped nonluxury products." Highly equipped nonluxury products? Somebody get that man a Honduran cigar!