Jonny Lieberman thinks SUV's should look like they're ready to win World War II or go to the moon.  Shrugging off that da-da-esque assertion, we schmooze about great car names of the past and JL's recent experiences with the Ford Focus (reviewed below). As a certain automotive website recently asserted that minivan ownership disqualifies TTAC's Editor from assessing automotive cool, I ask Jonny for his choice for coolest car under $18k.  Wouldn't you know: it's a BMW. 

GM swears up, down and sideways that they will not stage a repeat of last summer’s Fire Sale for Everyone discount program. And yet inventories are up, sales are down and if they look sideways they can see their competitors printing up blowout banners. “Value Pricing” be damned. The General knows that every sale surrendered to Ford, Chrysler and Toyota eats into its already dwindling market share, rendering GM’s production cuts less and less effective. Besides, the cuts are expensive. GM needs dealer cash now. So it’s not a question of “if.” It’s a question of “what then?”

The original idea: interview Jack Nerad about the type of cars parents buy for their teens.  When I finally got kbb.com's Executive Editor on the blower, he immediately informed me that A) He had no idea what we were scheduled to talk about and B) The press release about teen whips was released months ago.  So the guy works without a net and I'm behind the loop.  Shifting gears, I asked for their latest media mitzvah. "Cool Cars under $18k."  And then we get going and I discover that Jack's definition of "cool" takes us into some pretty strange areas.  Still, it's the journey that counts.  

The text after the jump appeared on Karl Brauer's blog "Karl on Cars" on Edmund's Inside Line.  I asked Mr. Brauer for permission to publish it here, without editing or commentary.  Nothing.  (The same response I received when I asked Karl to email me Edmunds' policy on press junkets and public disclosure thereof.) So, under the "fair use" principle, I'm publishing it anyway.  If Edmunds takes TTAC to court, I'll counter-sue for libel and send a note to the IRS asking about the tax implications of junketeering.  If Edmunds sends an email asking TTAC to remove this excerpt, I'll take this post down and publish the email. Anyway, Edmunds may have a million visitors [multiplied exponentially], but at least we have transparency, integrity and a spell-checker. 

I'm always amazed at how easily automotive PR folk slip into jargon-laden sound bites. I guess when your work involves something that doesn't appear on civilian radar– "my wife works with tires"– rattling off cool stats and technical terms to a pistonhead journalist must be the default option.  Still, I consider it my responsibility to try to get these technological flackmeisters to connect with their product, and us, on a more emotional level.  Of course, that only works if they do.  Dunlop's Janice Consolacion does.   

Well, here it is.  At the end of the proverbial day, a website saved is a website earned.  I’m sorry I prepared y’all for a quick and brutal transition into paid content, and then dumped a free site on you.  Psych!  Actually, over the last few days I gradually realized there was no way to give this ship a proper shakedown cruise without putting it on-line.  And if it wasn’t 100% ready for prime time, how in the name of St. Anthony could I ask you to pay for it?  Why I’d be no better than GM!  We’ve got plenty of time to make this the world's best automotive website.  

My name is Robert, and I’m an obsessive. You may have noticed. You may have returned to an article on TTAC and clocked the fact that our writing evolves post-post. That’s down to me. If there’s a better way to say something, if there’s a single sentence with passive construction or a word that’s not pulling its weight, the text must die. If a reader spots a factual inaccuracy or logical inconsistency, it must be corrected. I’m not looking for credit; it’s just the way I’m wired. But if you want to know why GM deserves to die, why GM WILL die, there’s your answer. They lack obsession.

When the Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of the world’s largest automaker tells his shareholders to think long-term, there’s only one word for it: sell. Yes, I know. The General got itself into this death spiral by thinking short-term: investing its precious resources in a dead genre guzzling, buying brands instead of investing in existing ones, pushing pushrods, rebadging anything that wasn’t nailed down, and so on and so on stretching back forty years. But Wagoner’s no corporate visionary. What he’s really saying is hang on boys and girls, a bunch of bad shit is about to go down.

Those of you who haven’t had their memories erased by GM’s MIB will recall that The General placed all its bets on the success of its high-profit GMT900 SUV’s. Despite a nice little takeoff, sales are flying low. The trucks are starting to pile-up at dealer lots– as is just about everything else save the Hummer H3 and Pontiac Solstice (which can’t pile up because GM still can’t figure out how to make them). In short, even Wagoner knows that it’s going to be a long hot summer. “We’ll need to be patient,” Wagoner said. “There will be some challenging months in total sales… But it will pay off in the long term.”

Imagine the world's best car salesman. He knows your name, buying history, automotive likes and dislikes. He knows your car: its age, condition and service history. He knows your budget and preferred finance method. He knows what car-related purchases you like: stereo upgrades, driving instruction, branded merchandise, etc. He knows when to approach you, and when to back off. He's friendly yet authoritative, completely informed about ALL automotive products and scrupulously honest. And best of all, he's a computer.

Our thanks to Redwing Studios for repulsing and rebuilding TTAC after the Romanians tried to turn our site into phish food (don't ask). And also to you for returning to us after the unintentional disruption of service. Rest assured that we're back in force, protected in full and sarcastic as ever. To wit: my conversation with TTAC's West Coast Bureau Chief Jonny Lieberman. JL is with GL at the moment. I've seen the first bit of his review, and it's a keeper. Meanwhile, here's what our intrepid correspondent has to say about, um, stuff. Hey, it was two days ago…

Last week, Merrill Lynch analyst John Murphy counted GM and Delphi employees rushing for the exits, struck-up a chorus of happy days are here again and watched GM's stock play follow the lieder. A week later, Merrill's B-team report that sales of vehicles manufactured by [the artists formerly known as] The Big Three will "soften" in May. Higher gas prices are "likely to sway consumers toward smaller, more economical cars and CUVs and away from large SUVs.' And profit-munching incentives are set to re-rear their ugly heads. Issuing a buy recommendation in this environment is like urging displaced peasants to return to Chernobyl. Of course, if you happen to be selling Ukrainian real estate…

Ethics aside (clearly), it's the same old pattern. GM reveals a market share meltdown, a multi-billion dollar FIAT payoff, a disastrous financial quarter, another disastrous financial quarter, more market share meltdown, another disastrous financial quarter, etc. Micro-managed seconds later, spin is spun. GM CEO Rabid Rick Wagoner steps-up to the podium and announces a new plan or product designed to restore The General to a rosy glow: plant closures, new products, value pricing, etc. When the company doesn't drop dead on the spot, observers buy into management's mishegos and return to the reassuring fantasy that where there's a will, there's a GM.

To review: BMW has banned The Truth About Cars from its press vehicles because of the "tone and tenor" of the website. Specifically, they objected to the fact that we compared the Subaru B9 Tribeca's front grill to a 'flying vagina,' and considered our review of the Lexus IS350 unnecessarily "harsh." I invited you to email your comments on the ban to dave.buchko@bmwna.com and copy TTAC for publication here. On June 12, the new-look [still-free, more on that later] TTAC will have a commentary option. Meanwhile, here's a sample of the correspondence sent to Mr. Buchko's in-box (so to speak):

"I'm a firm believer in the right to free speech, but unfortunately your so-called "new media" has opened the floodgates for anyone with an opinion, a keyboard and a good repertoire of fifth grade put-downs to set themselves up as being a journalist… You have trumpeted your wounded pride with the self-righteous indignation of a newly ass-whipped schoolyard bully, yet you fail to see that you, not BMW, Subaru or any of your other victims, are the true cause of the problem." Dave Scrivener, Motor Week.

Last week, BMW flackmeister Dave Buchko banned The Truth About Cars from access to BMW and MINI press vehicles. Mr. Buchko wanted to be clear: the company was not responding to TTAC's criticisms of its products. The decision represented "a general concern about the tone and tenor of the site." More specifically, BMW objected to my characterization of the Subaru Tribeca's grill treatment as a flying vagina and our "inappropriately harsh" review of the Lexus IS350. So, BMW doesn't mind us calling the new M5's shifter the world's worst gearbox, but we can't mention female anatomy or wail on their opponent. Are you getting this?

I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to launching a retaliatory campaign based on our right to call it like we see it. You know: 'BMW can't handle The Truth!' But how do you fight a company that cuts you off from its press fleet because its corporate leaders object to the word vagina, and the fact that we preferred their products to their competitors'? Following Mr. Buchko into the rabbit hole, I tried to negotiate a solution to this bizarre situation. During our most recent phone call, I told Mr. Buchko we wouldn't use the words "vagina, penis or testicles" in any future posts and [almost] promised to shower Lexus with love the next time 'round.

Why is GM's stock rallying to a six-month high? Delphi's Sword of Damocles still sways above The General's head. Their market share and sales continue sliding towards Hades, with Cerberus waiting to lock the gate behind them. Oh right, I remember. On Wednesday, Merrill Lynch analyst John Murphy upgraded GM's stock to "buy." He made the move in light of the fact that 20k GM employees have decided to take advantage of GM's worker buyout program. So a bunch of rats leave a sinking ship, someone says well done and the crew breaks out the champagne. This thing stinks.

Lest we forget, until February 7th, the Chairman and CEO of Merrill Lynch & Co., Inc. served on General Motors' Board of Bystanders. When Stan O'Neal resigned from GM, the exec cited time constraints and "limits on my ability to act as a GM director because of potential conflicts with matters in which Merrill Lynch is involved." This limitation didn't stop O'Neal's firm from buying 32m shares of FIAT stock for $1b while O'Neal was on GM's Board– immediately after GM wrote off the value of its FIAT stock for $2.1b. Be that as it is, there's clear evidence that Merrill and GM are deep into each other's pockets.

And so it's time to ask Mr. Fisker the obvious question: what's the ugliest car in the world? Although the former Ford design jeffe and current coachbuilder to chronically over-monied car collectors provides the obvious answer, it's nice to know that Pontiac has earned its place in automotive infamy for all time. As for yesterday's question– would you pay $300k for a re-skinned Merc or Bimmer– it's a dead heat. Your email could tip the balance. And it won't cost a dime.