As TTAC’s Bailout Watch series heads for the initially improbable half century mark, it looks like the GM C11 nay-sayers are just about all nayed out. In his column, Detroit News Auto Editor Manny Lopez finally admits that a Chrysler/GM bankruptcy is. . . an option. Meanwhile, the self-styled AutoExtremist has thrown in the towel. In fact, Peter DeLorenzo now reckons GM is damaged beyond repair. A PR/marketing guy to the end, DeLorenzo has a solution: change GM’s name. “One hundred years of accomplishment and historic value to the American industrial fabric has been decimated in a matter of months. Once one of America’s corporate icons, GM has now been reduced to being a punchline for a running national joke, and this new car company will have to be unburdened of the GM name, pronto.” A matter of months? Clearly, DeLorenzo hasn’t been paying attention for the last decade or three.
As part of GM CEO Fritz Henderson’s “Deeper, Faster, Oh, Baby” plan to implement GM’s previous plan—only more quickly and, uh, dramatically—the General wants to slice 1700 franchised dealers from their roster. Automotive News [AN, sub] reports that a combination of a bad economy and the American automaker’s piss poor management [reading between the lines, paraphrasing, stating the obvious] has shuttered 200 GM dealers so far this year. Only 1500 more to go; you know, in Fritz’s ideal world. Which raises the question: how are they going to do that? “GM officials have told dealers that they would identify underperforming locations and could move to terminate franchise agreements by June 1, a dealer who had received such a notice said on Wednesday.” As AN correctly points out, you can’t just pull the plug on a franchised car dealer without providing them with financial compensation, or stand ready to fight hundreds of lawsuits in all 50 states.
BMW has begun the business of selling its X5 M (not MX5) and X6 M (not MX6) to paying customers. Here’s the heritage-scented pitch:
The modern, sustainable legacy of BMW M GmbH began in 1985 when engineers placed the snarling, race-bred inline-6 engine from the M1 supercar into the production BMW 5 Series sedan, reworked the suspension and brakes, and created the first M5. Through this industry-first combination of attributes, the M5 redefined the capabilities of a sedan with levels of power, precision, balance, and linear control never before imaginable. Since then, finding new ways to expand the boundaries of what is possible with existing BMW models has been the singular purpose of the craftsmen at BMW M. Now the BMW X5 M and the BMW X6 M are the first all-wheel-drive models to offer the remarkable performance, dynamic driving experience, athletic design, and premium quality of a BMW M product.
Saturn dealers, customers, managers, assembly workers, The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles, what’s left of General Motors and the mainstream media (MSM) would all like to believe there’s life after GM for the moribund “rethink” brand. A group of investors calling themselves Telesto Ventures has stepped forward to enable these champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Their plan: rebrand other people’s stuff and sell them as Saturns. It’s the same sort of plan that saw Americanized Opels in Saturn showrooms—that led to a 58 percent sales drop so far this year, compared to 2008’s miserable 188,004. (Toyota sold 158,884 Priora last year.) It was also a part of Cerberus’ original plan for the bankruptcy-bound Chrysler Corporation. Anyway, the MSM’s down with Saturn’s “rescue.” “While such a business model doesn’t exist today,’ the Detroit Free Press almost warns, ‘Telesto’s backers say the global overcapacity among automakers and the growing number of start-up firms in China and elsewhere would give the reformulated Saturn several possible sources of new vehicles.” Gullible much?
The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) recently performed a series of crash tests to garner widespread MSM coverage to justify their enormous operating budget to the insurance companies that pay for the “don’t tell anyone we’re not from the government” organization’s existence—I mean demonstrate the heretofore unimaginable fact that small/lightweight cars get the snot kicked out of them when they collide front-to-front with medium size cars, despite the fact that the small cars involved received the IIHS’ best possible frontal crash ratings. All this came as no surprise to Mike Dulberger, founder of InformedForLife.org.
“d” as in diesel. So, no, this bud’s not for you, American oil burner fans. But it does represent a general trend for the Roundelians. See if you can spot it: “The arrival of the BMW X3 xDrive18d represents a new entry point for X3 ownership and is a significant draw for those new car buyers looking to balance economy with performance. Powered by a 143hp 2.0-litre diesel engine, it is capable of 45.6mpg on the combined cycle and records CO2 emissions of just 165g/km. With a six-speed manual gearbox as standard, the BMW X3 xDrive18d offers 350Nm of torque from 1,750rpm through to 2,500rpm which makes for effortless overtaking and town driving.” Yes, “a new entry point for XXX ownership” is the new way of saying “look out down below!” Or, if you prefer, “I spit on your brand equity!” Anyone know the cheapest BMW for sale in the US and UK? Cheapest as in least expensive.
As TTAC approaches its 500th Bailout Watch, the autoblogosphere is abuzz with bailout-related news. But first, a word from a TTAC reader experiencing shaudenfrade by proxy. “Robert, I think you are going to need some counseling if GM doesn’t crash and burn. Your little columns are getting more breathless by the week. Best to make some therapy appointments in advance, cause it aint going to happen. Keep up whatever it is, I enjoy glancing at it.” [Jeff: is he saying my therapy sessions ain’t gonna happen?] So, as I remind my electronic correspondent to remember to turn off the lights on the way out, here’s what’s going down in the Motown district of Bailout Nation. . .
The Internet is a funny place both in the ha-ha and peculiar senses of the word. I’m always on the prowl for coffe-snorting PR irony: the discrepancy between spinmeisters’ all-too-realistic expectations of media complicity and my time-tested, hard-won, inherently non-commercial cynicism. As for the peculiar part of the program, I get emails along the lines of “Do you know where I can get a windscreen for my Chevy Trailblazer?” I answer them politely, referring the proto-TTAC fans to model specific forums or websites. A request came over the e-transom today that took me aback—to driving automotive oddballs like the Chrysler Pacifica, E55 AMG Wagon and minivans. So I thought I’d toss this one (geddit?) to our B&B to see if you could save me the postage. “Could you please provide a list of new four door sedans that have six passenger seating available by make and model? I have long legs and really like the extra legroom provided when the shift lever is placed on the steering column. I currently drive a 2008 Buick LaCrosse with six passenger seating. However, I’d like to consider all possible four door sedans for my next purchase. Thanks very much, XXXXX, Edmonds, Washington.”
While GM finishes its 40-year rush to judgement, heading for its June 1 date with a bankruptcy judge, there are still such things as GM customers. You know; millions of people who own GM products. And these people are—shock!—still buying cars and getting their cars serviced. And there, on the sharp end, dealers, salesmen, service managers and technicians are all attempting to come to grips with the competitive, financial and psychological dangers implicit in a GM C11. To calm these troubled souls, GM’s North America Vice President of Vehicle Sales and Service has been Bob Marleying these forward troops, telling them that every little thing’s gonna be alright. To that end, last month, Mark LaNeve announced the launch of a “weekly conversation” with GM dealers: “reinventing GM.” There was one e-mail communication on April 3.
The New York Times reports that hecklers are verbally assaulting GM’s booth babes at the New York Auto Show. Worse, the glamor girls are wearing last year’s dresses. Literally. This is not what you’d call death with dignity. This is GM on federal life support, drooling and soiling itself uncontrollably as it waits and waits and waits for someone somewhere to pull the damn plug, already. As I’ve asserted in the past few episodes of this series, I no longer believe GM can be revived. The company is brain dead. No matter what cancerous parts of The General’s terminally ill body Uncle Sam’s surgeons separate from the corporate body, GM can’t function as an independent entity. Chevrolet and Cadillac? Building what? For whom? At what profit? Both of those brands are money losers losing market share right now. They may have volume, but they ain’t got game. Of course, that’s not going to stop the feds from trying to revive GM. And boy, are they—I mean “we” going to piss away a LOT of money.
Even as it heads for Chapter 11, GM isn’t giving up its plug-in hybrid Hail Mary electric – gas Chevrolet Volt without a fight. (If at all.) Turning its back on their number one fanboy, Dr. Lyle Dennis, GM PR, has blessed CNNMoney Senior Shill—I mean auto writer Peter Valdez-Depena with a drive in their Volt test mule. The bottom line: it moves. As for everything else—range, recharge time, “charge sustaining mode,” etc.—all we get is regurgitated prevarication and promises. Or, more musically, smoke gets in your mirrors. “The guts of the car were about 80% those of the final Chevy Volt, according to Vehicle Line Executive Frank Weber.” Did Depena even look under the hood? I would imagine not, as he took everything he was told on faith and neglected to mention the fact that “old” GM will never build this machine. So, children, what did we learn today?
Hi Robert – My name is Karah Street and I work for a PR firm that represents smart USA. I see that you have written about the new crash test conducted with the smart fortwo by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS), in which the smart for two was paired against a Mercedes C-Class. Two other cars were paired with larger vehicles from the same automaker (Honda Fit vs. Accord, and Toyota Yaris vs. Camry). What you may not know is that this test represents a type of crash that is rare and extreme — less than 1% of all accidents can compare to this type of test — and it is neither recognized nor required by federal safety regulators. By pitting “big vs. small,” this test seems to have one goal: to imply that bigger, heavier cars are always safer.
What the hell is a “random visit to Tesla”? Is Project Better Place’s Shai Agassi an adherent to the philosophy and practice found in George Cockcroft’s “The Dice Man”? If so, that’s not exactly a better way to run a car company (unless you’re GM). Or perhaps Agassi’s a fan of Andrew “Dice” Clay. If so, Shai should ditch the mermaid joke for something with a bit more punch. Elon Musk sat on a wall. Fuck you! This stuff writes itself. Anyway, Shai’s epiphany: a machine could automatically swap out EV batteries. Kinda like you do with, I dunno, a flashlight. Except the resulting eMiles follow Moore’s law, apparently. Which means EV drivers will be racking-up zero-carbon (a.k.a. “clean electron”) electric miles at two cents a mile by 2020. Did I miss something there? Agassi says this is “fascinating to most people.” Define “most.” [Skip to to 8:36 and you’ll actually hear a non-fictional sentient being say he’s going to save the world.]
A system that warns drivers of children about to cross the road is being evaluated in Aberdeenshire.
Called the Amparo See Me, the system uses a tag that is attached to a child’s school bag to trigger warning lights on bus stops or at crossings.
This then warns drivers that children are in the vicinity, and studies have shown that the speed of passing vehicles reduces by an average of 8mph.
The system is already used in Sweden.
Recent UK Department for Transport figures show that in 2005, 28,126 children aged 0-15 were injured in road accidents. Of these, 331 were seriously injured and 141 were killed.
South African entrepreneur Alan Lubinsky bought the rights to the Cobra name and intellectual properties in 1996. Since then he’s been scamming customers, governments, investors and the media by pretending that the “legendary” Cobra would arise from the ashes to . . . what’s the word for it these days? Viability. In 2006, TTAC (and The New York Times) poured cold water all over Lubinsky’s plans to build Cobras in Bridgeport, Connecticut. The project received tax breaks aplenty and an endorsement from the Governor (no less). This is after Lubinsky left a trail of bad debts and unfulfilled orders in the UK. And before he started taking orders (i.e., cash) for the rights to be a US dealer. After that never happened, Lubinsky tied-up with Texas’ Unique Performance to build a new Cobra. Unique soon fell to pieces amidst accusations of criminal fraud. Now Lubinsky is announcing the new, new, new Cobra. And once again. the automotive press—from Autocar to Autoblog— remain blissfully unaware (or unconcerned) about the scammery involved. So, here’s the most recent press release pitch for a gull-wing Cobra (why not?), chronicled and reprinted in its entirety by AB.
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