Normally, the MSM “sells” whatever the automakers are selling. Something to do with advertising, perhaps. The autoblogosphere—no stranger to junketry and the press car gravy train—is not unfamiliar with this paradigm. You’d be forgiven for thinking that Chrysler’s incipient collapse would force both camps to at least mention the domestic’s forthcoming dissolution when hyping a new model. You know, “As Chrysler struggles to survive, the company has announced plans to produce an electric roadster, which has less chance of seeing the light of day than a Palestine Mole Rat.” To its credit, Autobloggreen almost goes there: “It looks like the Dodge Circuit EV may have won the ‘who wants to be the first electric Chrysler concept to go into production’ contest. Although they still haven’t officially made an announcement, Chrysler’s viability plan did list an ‘EV Roadster’ as part of their 2010 product line. Based on the lightweight Lotus Europa and using drivetrain parts pilfered from UQM . . . its 150 to 200 mile range is significantly higher than many other electric vehicles in the works and should add to its appeal . . . Since the Circuit will probably change somewhat as it makes the transition to a production vehicle, tell us in the comments section what you would like to see in the sales-floor version.” I’m thinking cupholders. You?
BMW has begun the business of selling its X5 M (not MX5) and X6 M (not MX6) to paying customers. Here’s the heritage-scented pitch:
The modern, sustainable legacy of BMW M GmbH began in 1985 when engineers placed the snarling, race-bred inline-6 engine from the M1 supercar into the production BMW 5 Series sedan, reworked the suspension and brakes, and created the first M5. Through this industry-first combination of attributes, the M5 redefined the capabilities of a sedan with levels of power, precision, balance, and linear control never before imaginable. Since then, finding new ways to expand the boundaries of what is possible with existing BMW models has been the singular purpose of the craftsmen at BMW M. Now the BMW X5 M and the BMW X6 M are the first all-wheel-drive models to offer the remarkable performance, dynamic driving experience, athletic design, and premium quality of a BMW M product.
“d” as in diesel. So, no, this bud’s not for you, American oil burner fans. But it does represent a general trend for the Roundelians. See if you can spot it: “The arrival of the BMW X3 xDrive18d represents a new entry point for X3 ownership and is a significant draw for those new car buyers looking to balance economy with performance. Powered by a 143hp 2.0-litre diesel engine, it is capable of 45.6mpg on the combined cycle and records CO2 emissions of just 165g/km. With a six-speed manual gearbox as standard, the BMW X3 xDrive18d offers 350Nm of torque from 1,750rpm through to 2,500rpm which makes for effortless overtaking and town driving.” Yes, “a new entry point for XXX ownership” is the new way of saying “look out down below!” Or, if you prefer, “I spit on your brand equity!” Anyone know the cheapest BMW for sale in the US and UK? Cheapest as in least expensive.
Marketing to a particular demographic is a tricky business–just ask Honda or Toyota. Honda introduced the Element in 2003. Toyota brought us the Scion xB in 2004. Both machines were designed as funky vehicles to fit the twenty-something lifestyle. Needless to say, their room and versatility immediately found favor with the quintagenarian crowd. Now Kia’s taking a shot with the Soul. Our own Eddie Niedermeyer, squarely in the demographic Kia’s aiming for, liked it. But then there are us pesky demographic-bustin’ Boomers. Will we see more Souls parked at the old farts’ home than on college campuses?
While GM has been cutting back on its sports sponsorships left and right—to the point where Car and Driver’s April Fool’s story that Chevy’d pulled out of NASCAR was too credible to be funny—it’s good to know that The Blue Oval Boyz are still deeply enmeshed in the the world’s most exciting sport. Here’s a montage some of the “hotties” of curling (a blogger’s characterization, but who am I do disagree?). How many can you name? Special credit if you’re not from Canada.
When Barack Obama made his state of the American auto industry speech, industry watchers lampooned the President for being the “Salesman-in-Chief.” More than a few members of the automotive punditocracy supported the idea, but said BO made a bad job of it. The Autoextremist led the charge, lambasting the Prez for using the word Voldemort—I mean “bankruptcy” in public. The Detroit News auto editor has followed the president’s lead, switching from cheerleader to salesman. And a damn good one too! (By his own admission.) “When you cruise around Macomb County in an ‘Inferno Orange’ Camaro SS. People make U-turns and follow you into parking lots. They ask if they can sit in it and want to know all the trim levels. Chevy was kind enough to drop one off for me over the weekend, and I probably sold more of the muscle car for the General than any Chevy dealer in town.” Hang on; did Chevy drop off a person or a car? [apologies to Jeff Puthuff] So . . . Manny ends his tired-aid by with a small dick joke.
According to Frank Herbert, fear is the mind killer. Well, it’s certainly a sales killer. And now that Hyundai’s cut through the FUD to rack up some U.S. sales with its CYA buyer protection, we’re witnessing an international outbreak of MSMD (monkey see, monkey do). Stateside, Ford has lost—I mean launched its Advantage Program. GM offers customers Total Confidence (as if). And now, from the Land of Hope and Glory, Autocar reports that Volvo and Honda will pay for British buyers’ wheels for one year should they get the boot. Of course, to qualify, you have to employed first, then buy the car, then become unemployed. Kinda like betting against yourself. Anyway, if it’s a Honda, you need to be on the dole for at least three months before you get your car payment relief. If it’s a Volvo, we’re only talking about the C30, S40 and V50 models. In both cases, future deadbeats have to finance through the cars’ respective in-house lenders. Look for Honda USA to implement the plan here STAT. Meanwhile, why do I get the feeling that all these programs are opening the door to some serious fraud?
One of our moles has emailed ALL the dealer paperwork on GM’s Total Confidence program. Blogger, editorialist and aspiring car reviewer (knees must) that I am, I shall leave it to you, our Best and Brightest, to dissect the offer and how GM dealers might sell the plan (or simply give up and sign the opt-out sheet). Michael Karesh, former TTAC partner and ongoing TrueDelta operator, has done some stellar work uncovering the flaws in the residual guarantee part of the Total Confidence program. If you want the inside skinny via Michael’s Delta force, click here. If you want the read the real deal, jump.
The Blue Oval Boyz are launching the curiously named, Hyundai-trumping Ford Advantage Program. The deal—which runs from today to June 1—offers new car buyers 12 months of “payment protection” (leg breakers need not apply) up to $700 per month, zero percent financing and, of all things, a donation to a local charity. Strange times when it’s considered an “advantage” to know you won’t lose your car for a year if you lose your job. Hang on; I’m looking for the fine print now . . . nope, can’t find it. Will update ASAP.
Auto industry types tend towards hopeless optimism. On Friday, the Detroit Free Press gave the car biz’s rose-colored eyewear wearers an RTL (reason to live). “Big drop in March auto sales could be bottom, analyst says” sings the Freep’s now-standard, pre-monthly sales results tune: sales suck, they’re about to REALLY suck, but that’s it. We’ve hit bottom. Only this time the best the Freep can do is ONE auto analyst (Edmunds’ Jesse Toprak) and this money shot: “It is unlikely to get much worse.” Citation? “There has been encouraging economic news in the last two weeks. Housing starts rose 22% from January to February. Factory orders for durable goods such as home appliances increased 3.4% in February.” Yes, well, meanwhile, Volvo CEO Steven Armstrong told Autocar (or someone) that the NFSW world economy is good news for the brand that screwed itself by going upmarket. “We have a real opportunity for Volvo with respect to premium positioning. As people cut back, it becomes a little less acceptable to flaunt your money. Buyers who still want to reward themselves but don’t want to be ostentatious give us a great opportunity.” So great Ford can’t wait to ditch the brand.
According to the About page at PostCardFilms.com, Mariessa Jonasz “can be seen in the television show “I Didn’t know I Was Pregnant,” which aired on Discovery Health.” Folks, we’re talking about women who didn’t know they were pregnant until they gave birth. How creepy is that? Not quite as unsettling as the news that Mariessa is married to this PR film’s narrator, Jedrzej Jonasz. Mr. Jonasz’ credits include a Canadian TV documentary called “Why is it sexy?” The mind boggles. And the question remains: how did this entirely unlikely pair blag their way into a brand new BMW (even for a few days) and (presumably) flights, hotel, meals, museum tickets, gas expenses and (for all we know) a per Diem budget?
I was going to email TTAC commentator kazoomaloo to tell him I’d deleted his TTAC flame (“Dude, this is a pretty lame story”) when I clicked on his web addy instead of his email. I stumbled upon his pitch for a Ford Fiesta, as part of FoMoCo’s early adopter contest. I thought it worth sharing here because A) I like it and B) I’m showing the red card (or is that green card) for his assertion that the Fiesta is American. Hecho en Mexico,amigo. Moving on—I mean forward [ED. Fordward?]—I mean ahead, it’s the best day ever for Ford. CBS News is blowing some serious smoke up America’s @$$ regarding Ford’s relative health. Today, Ford received top billing as part one of The Morning Show’s weeklong series, “Early Across America,” featuring stories of “hope and optimism amid all the economic gloom sweeping the nation.” You can’t buy publicity like this. Oh wait . . . Anyway, there’s more!
I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I loathe auto shows. And I’m talking about the press days, where I can meet all my good friends from Automotive News, The Detroit News, Autoblog, Jalopnik, Motor Trend, etc. and score tons of child-friendly swag and jump into any vehicle I want without getting my knuckles rapped. Of course, it’s work. You couldn’t get to me to the civilian side of these events for love (for cars I got lots) nor money (which my writers could certainly use). Look don’t touch? Touch don’t drive? Line-up to see something you saw on the Internet weeks or months ago? Pay for the privilege? Crap food? I get the bonding with the kids thing, and I know there are OCD brochure collectors out there. Modelizers need apply. But other than that, why bother? Manufacturers are wondering the same thing. So . . . say goodbye to the British Motor Show, where attendance has plummeted in recent years. Tokyo’s next. Another sign that the traditional industry template is broken. And not a moment too soon. A bit late, actually. But there you go.
Recent Comments