When Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli was Chief Executive Despot at the Home Despot, he hung his monstrous paycheck on such gimmicky products as the Peter Arnell-inspired ergonomic fire extinguisher. now ensconced in Auburn Hills, Nardelli is banking on the RamBox storage option to move its all-new Ram in the teeth of a stiff anti-truck headwind. And that ain't working out so well. Despite Nardelli's and Co-President Jim Press's relentless "game changer" hype, the Ram Box is not good to go. Automotive News (sub) reports that Dodge has not priced the RamBox yet, but "dealers say they have heard discussions of an option price of $1,600 to $2,100." But the New Chrysler wants dealers to order the option without knowing what it will cost, a limb the dealers aren't eager to walk out on. "Until I've seen the RamBox and how it's priced, you're not going to be getting any orders from me," says one Dodge dealer. "I think the RamBox is going to be a big seller if it's priced reasonably. I don't want a bunch of trucks sitting on my lot without it. What the hell is the problem? Where's it at?" This is probably not the way Chrysler was hoping the RamBox would change the game. "We're trying to get a balance between volume and price," says Marc Seguin, senior manager for Ram marketing. "It's a tough thing to price. We're trying to understand how much volume we can sell." Meanwhile, the dealers are left fuming. "To launch the truck without the RamBox is just ridiculous," says another unhappy pusher-man.

Ford says it's not killing Mercury but their actions indicate otherwise. In the past two years, The Blue Oval Boyz have cut their ranks by 400 dealers, mainly by merging the three brands under one roof in many areas. Automotive News [sub] reports that starting this week, Ford execs will tell the remaining stand-alone Lincoln-Mercury dealers their latest and greatest consolidation plan for rolling them into Ford dealerships. The dealers aren't overly pleased with the prospects, but they see the handwriting on the wall. While Ford says they stand behind the Mercury brand and will give it a new small car, "one Ford insider told Automotive News that company executives want to make it clear to dealers that no major influx of new product is coming for Mercury." Once the dealer consolidation is done, you can just about bet that the Mercury brand will be starved for product, with all of the new models going to Ford or Lincoln. Then it's just a matter of time before Mercury just fades away like DeSoto in the early 60s.

I reckon if a product placement calls attention to itself, then it makes moviegoers groan and say (silently) "I paid for a goddamn movie, not a commercial!" Apparently, brandchannel.com couldn't care less. They base their Brandcameo Award on the number of cinematic product placements in number one ranked movies (1251 brands counted in total). "Ford— for the third straight time— topped all other brands, appearing in 30 of the 52 number one films at the US box office from January 1, 2007 through June 30, 2008. Ford’s 57.7 percent appearance rate in top films is a marked increase over its 18 of 41 appearances in 2005 (44 percent) and 17 of 41 in 2006 (41 percent)." (FYI: Transformers, Bucket List, I Am Legend, American Gangster and taxis aplenty). Unfortunately, the man responsible for all this screen time, Mark Kaline, was written out of Ford's script. Or perhaps he's just in development Hell. 

I know I [once again] risk the wrath of those who view me as GM's bête noir (I prefer to think of myself as an enfant terrible, but I'm way too old for that action). Even so, the news [via Reuters] that The General is upping the warranty on its Certified Pre-Owned (CPO) vehicles– from 3 months/3k miles miles to 12 months/12k miles– should be seen in context. It comes on the same day that GM announced it's pulling back on Buick, Pontiac and GMC leasing. Pulling back as in no longer offering leasing on any of the brands' models save the Pontiac G6 (go figure, fleet fans). With more brands to follow (suffer the little Cadillacs). Folks, it's all about the residuals– and I don't mean the customer's residual values. I'm talking about the multi-billion dollar hammering GM's taking on lease returns. And so is GM spokesman John McDonald, to The Detroit Free Press. "Leases, for a long time, have been supported at below-market rates. We're not able to financially support leases at below-market rates when the residuals have eroded as much as they have." So the CPO deal and the leasing no deal are designed to put a tourniquet on GM's self-inflicted wounds of lousy products, weak brands, the wrong products, chronic over-production, fleet sales and, I think that's it. Who can remember any more?

So, what? You buy an H3T and you get the whole company? I kid. A bit. I mean, I'm not sure how HUMMER GM Martin Walsh makes that analysis. I guess it all depends on how you define the words "valuable" and "us." For sure, the new HUMMER pickup gives all the brand's executives and dealers something to do whilst they wait for the end, my friend. But there's no disguising the fact that the 14/18 mpg $31,495 H3T is about to arrive with a splat. OK, there's some disguising it, 'cause that's what GM PR does for a living these days. Uncharacteristically, Automotive News Jamie Lareau handles The General's whirling dervishes with kid gloves. "General Motors insiders admit high gasoline prices and a decline in U.S. pickup sales make the H3T a tough sell. They hope the H3T will sell well overseas until the market here recovers." And the punchline is… missing. But the humor is there, if you know where to look. "Walsh characterized the [ad] spending as significant but 'proportionate to the volume and the impact it'll have on the market. It's a niche player. It's not something we'd overspend on.'" Martin sets 'em up and Jamie leaves 'em alone. "Despite the tough economy and decline in truck demand, Walsh said a market exists for the pickup. Hummer is targeting males in their 30s who earn $90,000 or more and are into outdoor activities." If I were them, I'd duck.

One more time! Maybe even literally. Strangely, GM's told its dealers that revealing the imminent arrival of "employee pricing for all" to the outside world would be a felony. So I guess you can call me Miss Demeanor (you know; if I wasn't a Silverado-loving man's man). Anyway, it's all over the damn web. Reuters reports [here and via Automotive News] that "the offer starts Wednesday, runs until Sept. 2 and applies to all 2008 model year Chevrolet vehicles, according to the dealer, who was not authorized to discuss the GM plan." See? The black ops are only a beat behind. So to speak. And if employee pricing isn't enough to pull in the punters, "the top-selling U.S. automaker will offer cash back on slower-selling light trucks, including the Silverado pickup, said the dealer, who had just been briefed by GM." Top selling? Slower-selling? Careful you don't hurt yourself pulling those punches. Anway, we now have confirmation that ALL GM brands are involved in the fire sale. Oh, and try and guess the Money Factor in a standard GM lease these days. It's 16 percent. Which will apply to the new Malibu on Wednesday.

As a high school soccer player, I shared a locker room with the football team. Apparently my choice of the world's most popular sport indicated that I and my fellow teammates were all homosexual. Huh? Not that I debated the point with the tight end, but I reckoned there was a distinctly homoerotic undertone to our tormentors' camaraderie (me thinks thou dost towel whip too much). And I've started to notice that truck advertising– always mucho macho– is wandering into the same hyper-male territory. I refer here to the glossy Silverado pimpatorial in September's Car and Driver. "If you're a man's man, you need to be driving a truck's truck." What does that make a Honda Ridegline, an F-150's bitch? I like functional tools as much as the next guy, but I'm beginning to think truck maker's might want to ease-off on the gravelly-voiced steroid approach. Or not. What's your take?

As you may or may not know (and may or may not care), Porsche doesn't look kindly upon media outlets that use the word "targa" in connection with anything other than a [slow-selling] Porsche product. So what of the legendary Targa Florio race ("Besides the course which traversed mountain roads unchanged since the Punic Wars, there were severe changes in climate, bandits and wolves. Each hairpin competed with a sheer abyss for the driver's attention over a 3 lap race of 277 miles")? Never mind. The so-not-a-targa Veyron (V?) 16.4 is a Grand Sport by name, $2.05m by price (or 21 Porsche 911 Targa 4Ss). Bug owners can store their Veyron's [no extra charge] polcarb top, but not within the targa car. Thankfully, Pistonheads reports that "There is also an emergency soft top that can be fitted to protect the driver from a sudden downpour. In Bugatti’s own words, the soft can be 'stowed in the trunk like an umbrella'… If you go for the soft top then you won't be allowed to go over 80mph." Allowed? By whom? Doesn't VW own Bugatti, and isn't Porsche the Maus that Roared? It all sounds suspicious to me. But fun. Lots and lots of fun.

Anyone who thinks GM isn't in a cash crunch better come up with some serious spin stat. The American automaker has officially confirmed that it's withdrawing from the Oscars. No, I don't mean it's removing itself from contention for "The Most Shameless Product Placement in any Movie Since Cinema Was Invented" Oscar. We're talking about ad sponsorship. As in no more. Which also means the Autoblog gallery-filling pre-Oscar stars and our cars "Style" event is toast. The Wall Street Journal makes the contrast with years past. "Not only has GM — the maker of brands such as Cadillac, Chevrolet and Saturn — aired a slew of commercials during the popular awards show, it also has paid extra to be the exclusive auto advertiser during some of the Oscar broadcasts. GM's marketing around the program has included on-the-ground promotions, such as giving the show dozens of GM vehicles to shuttle celebrities to the event and to Oscar-related parties." What, no Escalade Hybrid limos? Nope. And no Emmy sponsorship. And the next Olympics will not have anything shiny and blue paying the bills. It would be nice to think that all this money saved will be going towards new product development. But it's not. It's what the non-technical analysts call throwing shit overboard to stop the ship from sinking. 

Toyota put out a press release today, in the form of a Detroit News article, declaring their intention to conquer the globe's luxury car sales. In Europe, where Lexus is fighting uphill, sales have grown. And in Japan, where Lexus is also not-so-very-popular, sales have not. Nevertheless, the Toyota luxo brand is going to keep up the fight. And how are they going to accomplish this lofty goal of global domination? With Pebble Beach special editions, of course! For the first time EVER, Lexus will offer an LS600h L "with a Truffle Mica exterior paint combined with an exclusive two-tone Alabaster and Black leather trim interior with Dark Grey Bird's-eye maple wood trim." Sounds like a kitchen. Lexus is also doing a sixth annual Pebble Beach edition SC430 coupe. Having spent the day driving one yesterday, all I can say is that it needs a lot more than fancy paint. This coming year was supposed to be the end of the road for the SC430; Lexus was going to "replace" it with the LF-A sports car (don't ask – I know they are 100 percent different). But with the LF-A program being canceled or at least indefinitely paused, the SC430 may soldier on. The horror.

I'm not a fan of the Ferrari California. I think it's a concession to the brand's "image buyers." And while valet parking poseurs are the bread and butter for all exotic car crafters, the California is a folding tin roof too far. That said, the California V8's audio clips are pure gold. But the "Virtual Test Drive" posted on the Ferrari California mini-site is a joke. As a collaboration with Gran Turismo, it's a less-than-merely-adequate preview of both car and game. The production values are game industry low (tail wag my ass). There is no car sound, no engine sound, and the actual clips are too short and obscure the California's actual appearance. Worst of all, the soundtrack was lifted straight from some God awful presentation at a 1999 computer software convention. This car just gets more disappointing by the day. Until, of course, I drive it.

It's never a good idea to let journalists loose on a prototype. Even the tamest of the breed feels obliged to point out the vehicle's deficiencies. In this case, AutoWeek's Hans Greimel flew to Japan to test Nissan's gas – electric Infiniti G35. Needless to say, it didn't fail to disappoint. "During a prototype test drive for journalists last week in Japan, the hybrid car suffered awkward lags when the engine kicked in to help the electric motor. Deceleration also was jerky because of battery regeneration. 'We still have a few issues with this development vehicle,' says Tatsuo Abe, manager of Nissan's hybrid engineering unit." News-wise, Nissan hasn't decided which Infiniti to hybridize, but it won't try to out-mpg the Prius. "Toyota is the current leader, and one of our intentions is to approach hybrids from a different angle," Product Veep Atsushi Shizuta told AW's Man in Japan. "This is as much about power assist as it is about fuel economy." Hans sees the flaw in that one. "Honda pitched the performance of its Accord Hybrid sedan but dumped the model at the end of the 2007 model year after lackluster sales. Honda is now planning a hybrid Fit small car, which should achieve excellent fuel economy." 

When it comes to PR-friendly consumer surveys, I'm from Missouri. I want to know who paid for them and what methodology was employed. Acxiom's "Automotive Consumer Dynamics Study" hails from an Arkansas data mining company whose website doesn't divulge a client list. Apparently, the study sample's from "the world’s largest repository of up-to-date U.S. consumer intelligence (InfoBase-XTM)… that spans over 200 million U.S. consumers representing over 130 million households and over 50 million vehicle purchase / trade-in transactions." Wow! So, with that in mind, Acxiom reckons some consumers are willing to trade down to small cars, and some aren't. Most consumers' vehicle choices are [now] heavily influenced by gas prices– but some aren't. Some consumers are hanging back on buying a new car, but most aren't. In fact, any member of the Best and Brightest who can find something rad in this study gets an honorable mention here: [ ———- ]

Henry Ford said "You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do." Someone forgot to tell Bennie Fowler, Ford's group vice president of global quality. The Detroit News reports that Fowler stepped up to the microphone in front of his peers and started playing the dozens with the quality king. "In a direct challenge to Toyota… Fowler told industry leaders at the Center for Automotive Research's annual Management Briefing Seminars that new European- designed compacts and subcompacts such as the Fiesta and Focus will roll off the line with an average of 800 things gone wrong per 1,000 vehicles." If Fowler can meet that ambitious target, it would place Ford's quality above Toyota's– at least in this metric. Yes, well, apparently The Blue Oval Boyz are headed for one of those fist-pumping moments. "This time, we're playing for all the marbles — and we aim to win." Note to Bennie: must follow Crazy Henry's dictates. Such as, "Quality means doing it right when no one is looking."

I don't want to sound double negative about Caddy's new $71,685 gas – electric Escalade Hybrid, but the man in charge doesn't have a clue about his brand's positioning. Speaking to The Wall Street Journal about tanking sales (down 12 percent year-to-date), Cadillac's Product Guy seems to think Caddy's target market are the uber-rich. "'Many people, despite the economic times, are still doing well,' said John Howell, Cadillac global products director, noting that sales of luxury yachts and private jets are on the rise. 'These peoples' needs haven't changed. They still want the top-of-the line products.'" Assuring his place in the nominations for TTAC's Bob Lutz award, Howell goes on to repeat Maximum Bob's maximum gaffe. "'Image also is a factor, he said. The 'green' movement sweeping the nation has wealthier buyers thinking twice about a gas-guzzling SUV, but not because they can't afford the fuel. 'There's negative karma around SUVs,' Mr. Howell said. He hopes a hybrid Escalade will ease some of those image problems." So, how does all this square with Caddy's relentless march down market? Answer: it doesn't.