GM wants to greenwash the youth of America. Today's "Chevy Rocks the Future" event at Disney Studios "for celebrities and young influencers" features performances by pre-pubscent fan favorites the Jonas Brothers and Hanna Montana (a.k.a. Daddy's little cash cow). More than 150 LA-area kids scored tickets to the exclusive event, many by attending the Chevy's public school-based "Promise to Live Better!" propaganda educational program.  "Chevy Rocks the Future" will showcase the Aveo5, Malibu Hybrid-lite, Camaro "Bumblebee" from the "Transformers" movie (a real fuel miser, that), Equinox Fuel Cell, Tahoe Hybrid and, of course, the "this isn't what it will look like but we're not going to talk about that because we wouldn't want to miss Hannah Montana now would we children" Volt. But that's not all! The lucky kids will learn all about automotive technology via a "car that pops popcorn using biofuel technology" and a "'hybrid laboratory that mixes chocolate and peanut butter for a winning combination." For more PC fun, read the full press here. 

Two weeks ago to the day, Frank Williams provided a heads-up on the impact of the coming credit crunch on new car sales. Automotive News [AN, sub] now reports that some small regional banks have stopped making loans through auto dealerships. Even the big boy's auto loan departments– Chase Auto Finance, AmeriCredit Corp., Wells Fargo Auto Finance, Mechanics Bank and Sovereign Bank– are reining-in their metaphorical horns. And that's led "many would-be consumers to buy cheaper models, or purchase a used vehicle instead. If customers with shaky credit can get loans at all, often they must make a bigger down payment, pay higher interest rates and accept loans of shorter duration." And here's the kicker: "Consumers with subprime credit ratings buy nearly 30 percent of all new vehicles." Oh wait, that's not the kicker. This is: "Dealers are more dependent than ever on automakers' captive lenders. The captives appear more willing than independent lenders to make subprime loans in what is shaping up as the worst year in a decade for new-vehicle sales." Which will be true (the loan part) right until it isn't. And if GMAC goes down, look for all Hell to break loose.  

Of all Ford's fiascos to flail-on about, FoMoCo's "F" fanaticism seems the most fantastic. And yet Detroit News columnist Dannny Howes figures "Ford's 'F' fixation fouls its future." Howes focuses on the fact that Ford's new "Fiesta" joins a farrago of F-named product, and fustigates Ford for its Fabian fustiness. The fastuous scribe's also freaked about the Flex. "Are they really gonna call it the Flex, a person familiar with the situation tells me the new guy asked. Yes, Chairman Bill Ford replied, echoing [VP of Marketing Jim] Farley's skepticism. Then the über-boss added that Mulally wasn't too keen on the name, either. Which ought to tell you something, and it's this: 17 months of the Mulally era — a $23 billion recap plan, a landmark contract with the United Auto Workers, a global effort to coalesce Ford's fiefdoms into a single unit — have failed to relegate the past to the past and instead focus intensely on the future." It tells me that Mulally's minions have made their mentor meable to Manichean mansuetude. Or something like that.

As reported by Forbes and many others, Chyrsler CEO Bob Nardelli attended yesterday's 50th anniversary running of the Daytona 500. In a magna-nimous moment, Boot 'em Bob told the teams with Dodge decals on their cars (ostensibly, Dodge Chargers) that if any of them won the race, he'd give the team an extra $1m. After last year's pitiful performance by the Mopar racers, it looked like Cerberus' money was safe. And so it was, until the last lap, when Penske Racing's Ryan Newman and Kurt Busch came from behind and blasted past leader Tony Stewart in his Toyota, grabbing first and second places for Dodge. In fact, Dodges were in six of the top eight places. While the finishes were impressive, you have to wonder how Chrysler can afford to keep pouring money into racing. With all the factories they're closing, all the jobs they're cutting and all the suppliers they owe, you'd think they'd need every spare buck they could find. Still, an execs gotta get out of the office every now and then…

“A younger version of Fountains of Wayne, minus the pretentiousness (and some of the talent). Sound-wise they're very FoW-ish.” That’s how TTAC contributor Megan Benoit describes the band “Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives.” They’ll be at “T.T. [no relation] the Bears Place” in Cambridge on June 7th, blasting out Megan’s fave “Red Integra.” And yes Jalopnik fans, it’s a slow news day.

I saw you sitting there on Fruit Street
But I'm not any good with words
I'm the red Integra parked behind you
So I'll leave this little note instead:

"I think that you should be more careful parking. There were no
damages but next time, be careful. They might not be as nice as
myself. I saw you back up into my car."

Yup, there it was, buried in an Automotive News [AN, sub] story announcing that Pontiac dealers aren't going to get a Trans Am version of the new Chevrolet Camaro. You know, the Canadian-built rear wheel-drive muscle car that's due out this spring. Sorry, I mean fall. Winter. OK, February '09. Anyway, GM told a meeting of B-P-G (Buick, Pontiac, GMC) dealers that "new legislation requiring vehicles to reach a fleet average of 35 mpg by 2020" has plucked the screaming chicken. In fact, Pontiac "might not end up as GM's performance division." [NB: I think that means that none of GM's eight U.S. brands gets a performance remit.] "The plan is being tweaked because of the gas situation," revealed Lynn Thompson, owner of Thompson Motor Sales in Springfield, Mo. "I hope they don't give up on performance because they don't have to. You can use four-cylinder engines to achieve incredible power." To placate any B-P-G dealer deluded enough to expect something roughly akin to coherent branding from GM, the American automaker also announced that they're unleashing 12 new or special-edition vehicles over the next 20 months. (Sneak peak! Get ready for a special-edition GMC Sierra pickup called "Pro Grade.") In case you're wondering what separates a Pontiac from a Chevy, Buick or Saturn (or anything else) now that the former "We Build Excitement" division isn't building excitement, I have no idea. Does anyone?

“Why should a female auto journalist give you advice on great date cars?” CNN reporter Sheryll Alexander asks herself. “Because as far as cars go, I know what turns a woman on and what really turns her off.” Is this some kind of lesbian thing? Anyway, these days, the majority of women “are rather picky when it comes to a guy's ride,” Alexander opines. “Your car really does send her all the right or wrong messages about how much money you make and what gets your engine running. Let's be honest, some girls just like a flashy ride too.” But Alexander counsels clueless men not to go overboard when picking out a four-wheeled babe magnet. “Most women are wary of extremes… I think personal integrity and animal-like chemistry should count way more than what kind of vehicle you drive, but I guess some guys feel that spending the extra money on a racy ride is certainly worth the dating gamble.” In the pursuit of journalistic insight– nothing to do with a personal desire to drive a bunch of sports cars for free we're sure– CNN’s self-appointed (anointed?) car guru gives us the low-down on cruisin' while cruisin':

Nissan 350Z Roadster: “Truly a he-man's ride come true whether girls like it or not.”

Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder: “Guys, you definitely can't go wrong with this one!”

Mercedes-Benz CL 550: “With the $100,000+ price tag, the ladies will definitely be swarming around this hive of vehicular comfort and luxury.”

Audi TT Roadster: “On the outside, the Audis… look truly sexy with their bubble-like hood, curvy haunches and wide back side. Yes, the Audi TT goes both ways as a great date car for both men and women.”

Porsche Cayman: “Just looking at the Cayman's curvy haunches, sexy sloping hood and racing rear spoiler would make any woman want to go for a ride.”

Edmunds' Inside Line (EIL) is reporting that fewer and fewer consumers are opting for V8 engines. True dat. Despite gains in efficiency and weight, less folks aren't flocking to the fat lady. EIL blames the V8's lower fuel economy. The other, unexplored reason: four and six cylinder engines are larger in displacement than they were ten or fifteen years ago, and they're cranking out levels of power formerly reserved for V8s. (The gearbox revolution– that's taken everybody from four-speed autos to five, six, seven, eight or infinite gears– has certainly helped.) The numbers tell the tale: the 1998 Mercedes E320 had a 3.2-liter engine with 215 horsepower. The larger alternative: a 4.3-liter V8 with 275 horses. For the upcoming model year, the E350 will have 3.5-liters offering a whopping 300+ horsepower. The "our six now makes more than the V8 of a decade ago" philosophy also applies at BMW (305 hp I6 vs. 282 hp V8), Infiniti (330 hp V6 vs. 266 hp V8), GM (304 hp V6, 290 hp I6 vs. 250 hp V8s), and pretty much everyone else. Let's face it: in cars weighing between 3000 to 4000 lbs, the common folks don't have much use for engines with more than about 300 horsepower. Why would they pay to upgrade to a V8 when basic acceleration is so good? Why indeed.

In his now-infamous RS4 review, Jonny Lieberman declared the uberAudi "sounds and feels like a volcano making love to an avalanche."  Never having witnessed that particular geologic phenomenon, I'll have to take his word for auditory aspects of the experience.  However, at least one filmmaker thinks it sounds like something from outer space, as this spot shows. Hmmm… I wonder how they'd use the sound of a Toyota Yaris at full throttle? You know; other than for pest control purposes.

And you thought the Lincoln ads were bad. The video clip is not a fake; it's actually an ad Chevy is running late at night on some cable channels.  I could make all kinds of comments here, but I'll leave that to you readers.  If anyone could explain to me what it has to do with selling a gas-electric hybrid car, I'd appreciate it.

Given the enormous and ongoing discrepancy between GM's execs' statements and on-the-ground reality you'd think the media would understand that nothing, nothing GM says should be taken at face value. Nope. Automotive News [AN, sub] kicks-off with the PR pleasing headline, "As Malibu soars, Impala sinks amid GM cuts to rental fleets." Showing some semblance of journalistic integrity, AN lists the Impala-related damage and ties the model's downturn to the up-tick in sales of its logical competitor. "While January sales of the new Chevrolet Malibu mid-sized sedan rose 57.9 percent from January 2007, sales of the larger Impala fell 30.6 percent… The Impala had been a hot seller. It finished 2007 up 7.3 percent to 311,128 units." Chevrolet Spinmeister Terry Rhadigan provides the usual tut-tut, pish-posh, no worries Mate: "We're still doing the methodical reduction in daily rental, and that is reflected in that Impala number. Huge progress is being made. You'll see some decline in numbers, and don't be alarmed. It's all part of our strategy." Oh really? So, Terry, what exactly are those Impala fleet numbers? "Rhadigan would not give the Impala's retail and fleet sales totals." Clearly, Woodward and Bernstein don't have nothin' on AN. Anyway, Chevy store own John LaSorsa ends the piece by backing-up the suits. "The Malibu has such style it's pulling in an import customer." Well, that's one…

Just opened the February 18 issue of Fortune and came across a full-page ad for— I’m guessing here— the new Lincoln MXZ. (That’s the sedan, for those of us who don’t memorize alphanumeric codes for a living.) It’s a lazy photo. The f-stop parked the car on the first clean grass he came to, in front of an ugly, anonymous suspension bridge. A young blonde in a sports bra and shorts stands in front of the car. She’s plain-faced and athletic. The shorts make it obvious that her left leg is gone, replaced by a prosthesis and one of those boomerang-shaped carbon-fiber “feet” recently outlawed by the Olympics. Huh? The copy’s no help. “Don’t ever give up on what you believe in,” it reads. “Not once. Not ever. My dream is to do extraordinary things every day. Life’s calling. Where to next?” I’m supposed to buy a Lincoln because she’s tough? I admire Sarah Reinertsen's guts and beauty. But at the risk of being labeled a unreconstructed bipedalist (literally), I'm afraid it's not an image I’m tough enough to look at for a long period of time. And anyway, the car is half-obscured. You have to wonder who conceived this ad, what kind of websites they frequent and which Ford exec approved it. Message to same: it's about the car, stupid.   

MSNBC reports that GM's placing its entire inventory of certified pre-owned (CPO) cars (from 3,900 dealers) on eBay. GM says its still working with eBay on developing the site. But don't expect any sort of direct, online transaction. If the eBay sub-site works along the same lines as Autotrader.com and Cars.com's versions, you'll have to contact the dealer through the website (which earns a referral fee). Will eBay offer any additional guarantees along the lines of the protections offered buyers of privately owned vehicles (e.g. free insurance and seller ratings)? Don't hold your breath…

TTAC has finally hit the big time: we now have a listing on Wikipedia. Right now it's pretty basic. But we trust the worldwide web will nurture our entry and develop it into a listing that befits our no-holds-barred brand. We'll also update the user stats as our reader base grows. Let us know what you think; if there's anything else we should cover in our wikidness. And while you're sharing on meta issues, what's your take on TTAC listing everything on the front page in chronological order– instead of placing the reviews front and center? There would be direct links to items on the right like we have now. But as new content is posted, it would appear at the top of the column on page one. The upside: you'll see everything when you connect to the site. The downside: items will scroll off the page much faster than they do now. And while we're gearing-up for photo galleries, we're worried about the effect on page views. But never mind US. It's all about YOU. Which format would you prefer: the way we are now, or the way it was in our now defunct "classic" view?