Actually, UK scribe Steve Wakefield says nothing of the sort. In fact, his review of the new Bentley Brooklands doesn't offer much in the way of literary thrills. But if you're a student of serious horsepower, hand-stitched pampering and tightly focused branding, Wakefield's luxury car liturgy will be music to your ears. For those of you who can't get enough power, the £230k two-door is "powered by the most powerful V8 in the company’s history:" a twin-turbocharged 6.75-liter mill that stumps-up 530bhp @ 4000rpm and 1050Nm of torque at 3200rpm. (No mention of mpgs.) Good thing customers can opt for the largest brakes in the world: 420mm, cross-drilled, carbon/silicon carbide fronts with 356mm rears. And the factoids keep coming! The Brooklands makes the 50 to 70mph "overtaking dash" in just 2.4 seconds, tops-out at 184mph (or more), boasts "the largest rear seat area of any production coupé in the world" and handles well (you know; for a car that weighs more than southern Rhode Island). For some reason, Wakefield feels obliged to end his piece by touting the car's "infinitesimal impact" on global warming. He also advises Brooklands owners to middle finger salute the greens. "It’s a statement, an opportunity for the world’s richest to say, 'This is going to be my car. I’m going to enjoy every minute spent specifying it and driving it.'"  

Bill Reinert was born in coal-miner's daughter country, worked in the engine rooms of Navy subs, survived a $6 pot bust and earned degrees in biopsychology and energy engineering from the University of Colorado. Reinert also serviced telephone towers in the Rockies, harnessing solar panels and windmills to charge batteries to conserve expensive, airlifted diesel fuel. After years of pitching his ideas to his [new] bosses at Toyota, Reinert helped design the Prius hybrid, and continues to work on hybrids for Toyota's US operation. As part of a lengthy "End of the Oil Age" feature on Bloomberg, Reinert reveals himself as a bit of a doomer, with well-worn predictions that we may descend into Mad Max territory. Framing Reinert's work, the Sierra Club complains that Toyota has moved backwards on being green. And the money men say trucks and SUVs are still ToMoCo's core business. "The company earns about $6,000 before taxes in the U.S. on an SUV," David Healy of Burnham Securities insists. "That compares with a $1,000 profit on a Corolla and a small loss on a Prius." Selling 181,221 hybrids may be impressive to outsiders, but if Toyota is losing money on each Prius… Is Reinert's baby still the way forward? That remains to be seen. 

In the Falls Church News-Press, editor and retired CIA analyst Tom Whipple continues with part four of The Future of Our Cars. Unlike the suitably skeptical Victor Juarez G., Whipple finds the plethora of speculative EV announcements nothing but encouraging: "… there is no practical alternative for personal mobility with the speed, flexibility and comfort that we have become accustomed to except the electric car." Assuming battery technology keeps pace, he writes, massive solar, wind, ocean and biomass power will provide enough juice to keep us happily motoring in all shapes and sizes of EVs, plugin hybrids and serial hybrids (which he calls "extended range" vehicles) like the oft-delayed Tesla and Volt. Whipple doesn't mention "Cleantech" by name, but warns that if we can't build a green infrastructure, or reliable batteries, we face an era of austerity and conservation. Perish the thought.

As if it really makes any difference to anyone at this point, The Detroit News reports that the White House has expressed confidence in GM's long-term prospects. In response to GM's sobering $38.7b loss in 2007, spokeswoman and mistress of the obvious Dana Perino said "The report from GM reflects what we've known for a long time, which is that the automotive industry in the United States is having some difficulties, and they are trying to work through those. They're trying to restructure. They have a changing marketplace; buyers have different tastes, and there are issues regarding how high their cost of business is." In other word, oops they did it again! But GM needn't worry because "the president believes strongly, the long-term health of the U.S. automotive industry is strong." It'd be interesting to see what the lame duck Commander-in-Chief's handlers would have to say about the situation if he was running for reelection this year, instead of coasting until the moving vans arrive in January. 

Brand purists that we are, the tagline for the Njection automotive website leaves us nervous about their commercial future: "Speed Traps, Car Forum, Automotive Pictures….Anything else?" Then again, it's taken TTAC six years to get to 20k visitors per day; so what do we know? This much is for sure: there are plenty of speedtraps in this world of ours. Njection's readers have tapped into Microsoft's live maps and plotted tens of thousands of them, around the globe. Think local, speed global? "Over 50-thousand speed traps have been contributed to the site since its Thanksgiving public launch," says Shannon Atkinson, President of NJection.com, in the press release announcing the feature. "This response reflects the feelings of motorist[s] around the world." Terror? Anger? Suspicion? Shannon doesn't say. But he does trot-out the old argument that speeding doesn't kill people; sipping a latte while cell phoning your baby sitter and changing lanes at a red light camera-equipped intersection does. Anyway, Njection promises to make their map GPS device compatible, which could provide the site with a nice tidy profit (provided police or other do-gooders don't upload "fake" speedtraps). Bastards.

Just opened the February 18 issue of Fortune and came across a full-page ad for— I’m guessing here— the new Lincoln MXZ. (That’s the sedan, for those of us who don’t memorize alphanumeric codes for a living.) It’s a lazy photo. The f-stop parked the car on the first clean grass he came to, in front of an ugly, anonymous suspension bridge. A young blonde in a sports bra and shorts stands in front of the car. She’s plain-faced and athletic. The shorts make it obvious that her left leg is gone, replaced by a prosthesis and one of those boomerang-shaped carbon-fiber “feet” recently outlawed by the Olympics. Huh? The copy’s no help. “Don’t ever give up on what you believe in,” it reads. “Not once. Not ever. My dream is to do extraordinary things every day. Life’s calling. Where to next?” I’m supposed to buy a Lincoln because she’s tough? I admire Sarah Reinertsen's guts and beauty. But at the risk of being labeled a unreconstructed bipedalist (literally), I'm afraid it's not an image I’m tough enough to look at for a long period of time. And anyway, the car is half-obscured. You have to wonder who conceived this ad, what kind of websites they frequent and which Ford exec approved it. Message to same: it's about the car, stupid.   

Detroit News scribe Scott Burgess offers a piercing glimpse into the obvious: the muscle car is dead. Burgess reckons "no one could have predicted the dramatic change in consumer tastes, high fuel prices and eco-politics when designers started penning those car's revivals." OK, well, anyway, Burgess isn't quite ready to pronounce the muscle car's TOD. "The Go-Fast gene in men and women will never disappear," he concludes. Frighteningly enough, Burgess' rant includes wistful quotes from GM players who talk about the move away from high horsepower vehicles as if the thought just occurred to them, with a similar lack of closure. "There's going to be a lot of internal pressure to move engineering resources to these other products," opines Tadge Juechter, GM's vehicle chief engineer for the Chevrolet Corvette and Cadillac XLR. "That's going to really impact future muscle cars." Going to be? Going to? "The concept of the muscle car will probably evolve into a really fun-to-drive, stylish vehicle," predicts Troy Clarke, GM's president of North America. "As opposed to something that just breathes fire and has more cubic inches than the next guy." Probably? Meanwhile, The Wall Street Journal reports that the industry shills knows as the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) have high horsepower vehicles in their premium hoiking sights. Enjoy your Challenger while you can Scott.

[Interview with Scott Burgess about muscle cars below.] 

When it comes to sharing our feelings about the automotive buff books' advertising-tainted editorial, TTAC leaves no words unminced. However, every now and then, genuine journalism rears its feisty head. In the March issue of Motor Trend, Arthur St. Antoine speaks his piece about hybrids. The columnist calls them "nothing more than the four-wheeled equivalent of a yellow LiveStrong wristband- a conspicuous, self-satisfying, effort-free membership card into the 'I Care' club." The most egregious example of this hypocritical hybrid mindset? The Lexus LS 600hL. St. Antoine points out that the 600hL's hybrid premium ($33k) buys you a little extra power and minimal fuel economy gains. So why are the 600hL's moving at the rate of 1000 per month and other other hybrids are selling like Sno-cones in Hades? "The appeal of the LS 600hL (and, I fear, most other current hybrids) is simple sanctimoniousness… why, it's a hybrid. Pay no attention to the colossal luxury sedan behind the curtain! Cue the rainbow and the baby seals!" And here's the best part; the editorial's next to a special advertising section entitled "Chevy's Hybrid Revolution." This Motor Trend produced insert extols the virtues of the bargain-basement semi-hybrid Malibu (with its huge two mpg increase in fuel economy) and the super-sized, outrageously-priced Silverado and Tahoe hybrids. We reckon Angus should be getting "that" phone call any day now. 

You know, we give Autoblog a lot of grief for being the auto industry's bitch. And deservedly so. But every now and then the website of record gets a sudden rush of testosterone that makes us proud to share the autoblogosphere. Today's Detroit Free Press carries a boilerplate auto show story involving one former Toyota Prez (Jim Press) and one rear wheel-drive muscle car (Dodge Challenger SRT8). Price, waiting list, Mustang throwdown ("We'd rather run like a thoroughbred than ride like a pony"), yada yada yada. And then Chrysler Vice Chairman Jim Press has his say. And then Autoblog's Damon Lavrinc takes the Chrysler exec to the woodshed. "Press expounded on the Challenger's virtues, saying that the SRT8 has a higher top speed (170 mph) than BMW's M5. Kind of a misnomer considering that the M5's speed limiter keeps the BMW sedan below 155 mph – unleashed, it has the potential of doing 205 mph. The Freep also quoted Press as saying that the Challenger has more torque than the Porsche 911 Turbo. Ummm… no. The 6.1-liter Hemi V8 produces 420 lb.-ft. of twist compared to the 911 Turbo's 460 lb.-ft….'When you sit inside, it makes you feel younger and richer than you are.' Younger? Maybe. Richer? Not quite Mr. Press. We've seen the interior and it's hardly what you'd call luxurious, let alone exciting." You go boy!

We repeat: conflict of interest renders Intellichoice's data inherently suspect. So, Bloomberg [via Boston.com] reports that "General Motors Corp., the biggest US automaker, gained ground on Toyota Motor Corp. in an annual survey of ownership costs including measures such as sticker price and resale value. GM led in three vehicle categories, up from one last year, while Toyota again won four of the eight total awards." While we're disappointed that Bloomberg takes Intellichoice's choices at face value, their cheerleading conclusion is especially galling (to this gall bladder-less cynic). "The results lend credence to GM's goal of improving quality and boosting resale values by curbing incentive spending and sales to rental-car companies." This despite the fact that the Corvette was the only GM passenger car to receive a nod. Which didn't stop Intellichoice's spinmeister from bolstering Bloomberg's BS. "Word is starting to get out that if you buy a Chevy, you're not destined for troubles the way you were 10 years ago." Here are the full "results."

Intellichoice is a scam. Their owners– Source Interlink Media– also own Motor Trend, a buff book with about as much editorial independence as Marines Magazine. Intellichoice pretends to be an objective number cruncher, focusing on cost of ownership calculations. Every year, they announce their "Best Overall Value of the Year" (BOVY) awards at the Chicago Auto Show. Methodology? "This insightful value rating factors the accumulated ownership costs of depreciation, maintenance, repairs, fuel, fees, financing, and insurance to identify the true standout models in each class." Needless to say, Intellichoice doesn't reveal the specific calculations involved. And if that's not enough to convince you that the whole thing's a con, consider that the VW R32 just won the BOVY award for the "Base Sport" category. We call bullshit. The R32 is the all wheel-drive uber-Golf (base sport?) that's over-priced, over-produced and over here. Check out this chart from Yahoo Autos comparing the relative predicted residual values for the R32 vs. the GTI (never mind any number of Japanese base sport competitors), and then tell me the fix ain't in. Shame on VW– and any other manufacturer– for using (paying?) Intellichoice to promote their vehicle. 

We love (if not admire) Autoblog's puppy dog enthusiasm for all things car. So the fact that they're on any side of a fight– any fight– is shocking. Yesterday we reported that Chicago Auto Show Internet Director Mark Bilek used his company's blog (Showlopnik) to piss on blogs in general and mild-mannered Autoblog in specific. Autoblog kept stum about the e-contretemps, covering the show with their usual New York Timesian panache. But it seems like they can't do nothin' right. Here's, in its full sarcastic splendor, is another broadside from the Chicago Auto Show folk. This time it hails from Paul Brian, the Show's Director of Communications. 

Dear AutoBlog. Amazingly, you don't seem to get it. You seem to think that auto shows are about the number of intros. Oddly enough, manufacturers, the ones who pay the bills to produce auto show, have a rather different perspective. They seem to think that auto shows are designed to make the connection between their marketing people and the public who have cash (and loans) to purchase those products. Gee, what a novel idea! Unfettered, unbeholden customers who are not on some company "X-Y-Z-A Plan" pricing for employees and suppliers. Real people. People who like big displays and the ability to view the industry in one place on one floor with the show industry's undisputed best place in which to display. You'll learn about it more when you move out of your mom's house. So, as self-absorbed as you might be, you might want to get cozy with the notion that it's really not all about you."

Based on his first two posts, it was clear that the Chicago Auto Show's Internet Director, Mark Bilek was spoiling for a fight with someone. Anyone. As long as it was a blogger. Not surprisingly, he got his wish. Autoblog (AB) asked its readers to watch the 24-hour webcams covering the autoshow's construction for a new car before its official debut. Bilek went ballistic. Rather than just pull the plug on the cameras quietly, Bilek excoriated AB via the Chicago Auto Show Blog (Showlopnik). "Now for an episode of 'When blogging goes bad.' All Chicago Auto Show Web cam fans can thank AutoBlog.com… Thanks to your friends at AutoBlog, the Web cams are disabled. It is one thing to leave the cams up for the general public, but it's another when they are used for a Web site's personal promotion. Yea, I got a screen cap for you AutoBlog, it's a big middle-finger salute from all of the Web cam fans of the Chicago Auto Show thanking you for keeping them in the dark." This is the same guy who previously knocked blogs as being spiteful, overly opinionated and unprofessional. Mote. Beam. Eye. Done.

The execs for the Chicago Auto Show managed to hire possibly the worst person imaginable for the job of "Internet Director." Not only does Mark Bilek hate blogs and bloggers, but he can't even keep his mouth shut (or keyboard inactive) about it. On the Chicago Auto Show's blog Showlopnik, Bilek ponders blogging credentials: "It appears that you have to a) be very young and inexperienced, b) have an opinion about everything, and c) always be 100% right, even if you don't offer solutions."  Regarding news embargos, "Ha! I laugh at embargos. I am a blogger now and I don't have a code of ethics–or scruples for that matter. I don't care if I made a binding agreement not to make public sensitive information? As long as someone else broke their promise first, it's OK for me, right? So here goes. I overheard the head chef at McCormick Place in an airport jet way discussing the menu for First Look for Charity and, guess what? There will be shrimp I tell you. Also, we'll have food from India, Asia, Europe, South America, and even North America. In addition, there will be beer, wine, and soda! Imagine that! Just remember, you heard it here first. PS, that makes me important, right?" Mark Bilek. Our friend in the digital age.

When I was at Car and Driver and for a long time thereafter, the label 'Preview' was applied solely to quasi-road tests that involved driving a preproduction car, driving a car that we weren't allowed to instrument and test, sneaking into a mule, or some other actual experience in an existing vehicle. (The "You can drive it but you can't instrument it" situation was probably the most common one. The last Preview I ever wrote described the original Maybach; I put 400 miles on the beast.) And now, only a few paragraphs into C/D's current cover story on the new Cadillac CTS-V ("Cadillac's 550-hp M5 Beater") we learn that the buff book's "months away from a first drive" of the supposed Bimmer beater. It's a blatant admission that the piece is a rewritten press release. The CTS-V, they say, "should be worth the price of admission." How on earth does Tony Swan know that? And then there's Steve Smith's column on Carroll Shelby's legal hysteria. Who owns a computer, even a TRS-80, and didn't already know all that shit two months ago? I'm stunned by how far C/D has sunk.