We got a few “so what’s” a couple of wild-ass days ago when we whispered that Chrysler would be launching a new ad campaign using government funds earmarked for struggling parts suppliers. But setting aside the supplier screwing (yes, advertisers “supply” Chrysler, and with no production, why worry about components?), this means we will be treated to the launch of yet another New Chrysler. This will mark the second such dawning in just about a year. AdAge (via Automotive News [sub]) confirms the rumor, reporting that the responsible ad firm (BBDO, Detroit) also just happens to be Chrysler’s second-largest unsecured creditor ($58.1 million). And Judge Gonzalez still gets to decide whether the Mad Men will be paid out by the government’s “critical vendor” program. Anyway, the new campaign is being termed “educational,” with Chryco spokesfolks explaining “companies in this kind of situation need to communicate more rather than less.” Because sometimes having the President for a pitchman just isn’t enough.

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TTAC commenter Bluecon points us to Bloomberg, who reveal the identities of some of the 100-odd Chrysler bondholders recently described by President Obama as “hedge fund holdouts.” Yale University, Oaktree Capital Management and assets managed for the University of Kentucky, Halliburton, Kraft Foods Master Retirement and the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation top the name-recognition list. According to that report, the government plans to ask Judge Gonzalez to let it pay the creditors in that group $2 billion, or 29 cents on the dollar, to end their claims. That’s an interesting strategy, considering the “not-yet-TARPed” bondholders already turned down an offer at 33 cents on the dollar. Let’s see how forcefully the government “asks” Judge Gonzalez to allow the cramdown. Or whether rumblings of a better deal materialize. (Image from Computational Legal Studies‘ amazing interactive map of TARP recipient campaign donations and the US Senate)

With TARP money, of course. Or so says our man on the inside of Chrysler’s bankruptcy proceedings. And apparently the holdouts will get even more than the already TARPed bondholders. Which means that although Obama may not “stand with” the “hedge fund holdouts,” apparently he’s OK with writing them a check for their trouble(d assets). Or maybe someone in the Treasury just made the connection: the only people who aren’t playing ball in this ends-justify-the-means “bankruptcy” call themselves “The Non-TARP Bondholders.” TARP money has made everyone else compliant with Treasury’s union, so obviously the solution is to buy out the holdouts with just a little more TARP. After all, does anyone think Fiat, the UAW or the already-TARPed bondholders would be embarking on this ship of fools if government cash weren’t paying the way?

Now that the no-money Fiatsco is (sort of) done and in the hands of the courts and armies of lawyers (what a reassuring thought), Fiat is fixing the sights of its lupara [see pic above] on another target that carries the ripe fruit of billions of government money: Opel.

“Now we have to concentrate on Opel,” Sergio Marchionne said in an interview with La Stampa. “They are our ideal partners.” (Reassuring thought #2: Chrysler must then be less than ideal . . . .) Reuters reports that “Marchionne coughed throughout the interview and admitted to being tired after months of talks leading up to the Chrysler deal,” giving rise to suspicion that Marchionne had contracted swine flu—an inherent risk when rolling with the pigs. Or it could be something worse than what a dose of Tamiflu could heal:

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Some Detroiters honest-to-God believe that Chrysler and GM will repay the money “loaned” to them by the federal government. That’s a leap of faith that would have taken Evil Knievel across the Grand Canyon (proper) and on to Maui. But you know what? In all this excitement, I’ve lost track of how many billions we’re actually talking about. I reckon the government’s to-date contribution towards keeping the zombies alive lies just north of $37 billion. That doesn’t include the duo’s share of the $25 billion Department of Energy retooling loans (should they live that long). Or the $5 billion blessed upon GMAC. And the $1.5 billion loaned to the now-defunct Chrysler Financial. Or Canada’s contribution to the kerfuffle. Or the cost of running a 25-member Presidential Task Force on Automobiles. And the phalanx of lawyers employed by same. And the community organizer assigned to help out affected communities with, wait for it, federal funds. And now . . . the rest.

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TTAC’s Johnny-on-the-spot, Toxicroach, is moving offices. But his efforts on your behalf continue apace. This is his summary for the yesterday’s (May 1st) legally action.

“I’m about to pass out and I’m really sore, so please excuse me for the late filing (mine). It doesn’t especially matter since nothing too huge happened yesterday. Chrysler filed the debtor-in-possession motion (download pdf here). The Govt. is offering $4.5 billion to old Chrysler @ 3% interest. That’s $1.8 billion upon the filing of the motion, the rest on approval of the motion. There are a ton of things, and I’m too wiped out to get into every detail (and I’m not sure most of the terms are really newsworthy or unexpected) This, however, is amusing (if you’re of a lawyerly persuasion):

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Now available, courtesy of your $12 billion investment! And since you’re a (minority) shareholder now, why not check out Chrysler’s release yourself? They’ve got some beautiful style. Leading off with bullet points on Wrangler (+7 percent), Challenger (+11 percent over last month) and T&C (+6 percent retail over last month, actually -31 percent year-on-year) and, using different sales metrics for each, it really paints a rosy picture of our new investment. Thanks a lot, Chrysler! I’m sorry your sales were down 48 percent compared to April 2008. But those vario-stat bullet points wouldn’t cheer up a Tickle-Me Elmo. No wonder Tom LaSorda just “retired.”

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Bloomberg reports that if Chrysler fails to secure a deal with Fiat and rapidly exit Chapter 11, some 38,500 jobs could be lost in a liquidation. According to one of Chrysler’s lawyers, anyway. But an Automotive News [sub] story says that, in addition to Chrysler’s plant idling during bankruptcy, no fewer than eight of its factories will be permanently closed by December 2010. The best part? According to Chrysler sources, the proposed Fiat deal would allow ChryCo “to retain substantially all our employees.” Huh? “Any employee displaced by the bankruptcy will be given an opportunity at other Chrysler facilities,” explains spokeswoman Dianna Gutierrez. Not only did Chrysler deny that shutting eight plants would cause the negative impacts (job loss) that government billions were supposed to prevent, it went as far to suggest that the Fiat alliance would add about 5,000 employees to the payroll. In fact, if you believe the Pentastar line, there are only two victims in in the Chrysler plan: Sebring and Avenger.

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Say what? Hyundai/Kia had been hanging close to its 2008 sales numbers so far this year but even the Korean up-and-comers saw their sales drop by over ten points in April. Accent and Sonata were up marginally, but Elantra sales fell by nearly 50 percent. Genesis posted 2,076 sales in a month where luxury offerings fared poorly. Azera/Entourage were dead on their feet, selling fewer than 500 units between the two nameplates. Veracruz added about 200 sales compared to April 2008. On the Kia front, every nameplate lost sales compared to last April with the exceptions of the Amanti (up to a whopping 671 units), the new Borrego (498 units) and the Soul which sold well for one of its first full sales months at 3,228.

Honda moved 101,029 units last month as sales declined 25.3 percent compared to April 2008. Truck sales led declines, dropping 36.3 percent while car sales fell only 18.2 percent. Insight sales fell well short of Prius at 2,019 units, although Accord (-15.6 percent), Civic (-23.2 percent) and Fit (-30.3 percent) fared better by percentage than their Toyota competitors. Acura saw a 32.3 percent fall in sales, with the TSX (-6.6 percent) helping and the RL (-64 percent) and RDX (-55.7) hurting. Element and Ridgeline contributed the most to truck sales declines, logging 65.6 and 71.5 percent declines, respectively.

GM was able to move 173,007 units last month (press release here, sales chart in PDF format), up 11 percent from March but down 34 percent from last April. Cars fared worst in GM Land, falling 40 percent across all brands, while truck totals were down only 27 percent. Buick outsold Cadillac 8,928 to 8,337, but the defunctified Pontiac outsold both at 10,838. Watch for those numbers to tank next month, though, since the death was announced late enough in April to not affect prices overly. GM’s worst-performing cars were Buick LaCrosse (-62 percent), Caddy STS (-62.6 percent on 711 units sold), Aveo (-63 percent), G5 (-78 percent, 400 units), Cobalt (down by over 8,000 units), Solstice/Sky (barely cracking 500 sales between the two nameplates) and Aura (-66.6 percent). GM’s car high points were the Buick Lucerne (-20.8), Malibu (-14 percent, 14,665 units), Pontiac G8 (-5 percent, 2,013 units) and Astra, down only 9.6 percent (compared to consistently weak sales last year). Chevy’s HHR was up 7.5 percent (don’t ask why it’s categorized as a truck), Tahoe held even at just over 8,000 units and Suburban was down only 6.3 percent.

Toyota sales (press release via earthtimes.org) declined a whopping 42 percent from last April, as the big T recorded only 126,540 unit sales last month. And the bleeding comes from all over the lineup. From bread-and-butter Camry and Corolla (down 36.7 and 42.9 percent, respectively) to the entire Lexus line (LS down 61.6 percent, GS down 70.2 and IS down 48 percent) and from trucks (Tundra down 54 percent)  and SUVs (4Runner down 69.3 percent) to compacts (Scion xD sold only 880 units) it’s ugly all over. Toyota sold more Priora (8,385) than Yaris (8,118) while the RAV4 (11,126) sold better than Venza (3,793) and Highlander (5,595) put together. Other than RAV4, the only bright-ish point in an otherwise forgettable month was RX which sold 6,237 units (including hybrids) and was reportedly the top selling luxury vehicle in America last month. Total hybrid sales hit 12,223.

Newsday reports that New York City has purchased 40 Nissan Altima Hybrids for its police fleet. NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg pointed out that the Smyrna, TN-built Altimas enjoy a patriotic advantage over the Canadian-produced Crown Victorias and Chevy Impalas that comprise most of the NYPD’s fleet of 2,400 patrol vehicles. “It is an added benefit that buying these cars helps create jobs in America,” says Bloomberg. According to the report, some traffic enforcement agents have been using Toyota Prius hybrids since 2002, and police duty captains, who respond to major incidents, have already been using GMC Yukon sport utility vehicle hybrids. “We’ve had no downside,” says Police Commissioner Ray Kelly of his force’s hybrid use.

Ford’s sold 129,898 vehicles last month (PDF) as overall sales declined by 31 percent compared to last April. Retail market share did increase, however, as Ford likely gouged its bailout-burdened Detroit colleagues. The big news though? Mercury outsold Lincoln! Which is more an indicator of Lincoln’s sorry situation (5,973 total sales) than Mercury’s success (7,662). But then even Volvo (4,503) makes Lincoln look good.

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