I get Twitter: it’s stalker heaven. Those who love to stalk, stalk. Those who benefit from stalking, get stalked. And those who aspire to being stalked pretend they’re being stalked. Given the onanistic undertones to this e-symbioses [sic], I’m not sure if tweeting at Twitter makes me a twat. It’s a question that leaves me pondering the possibility that my level of twatedness is independent of my tweeter (etc.). Meanwhile, I’m using Twitter as a kind of RSS feed with ‘tude tags. In addition, I’ll continue to tweet teases to tantalize TTAC’s, uh, readers. Oh, and I got the Skype thing happening. So podcasts are back. As I mentioned before, there will be some big news next month in terms of functionality. For now, a big shout out to Bertel for his contributions to the cause, and our regular writers for feeding the beast from the goodness of their heart and the ducts of their spleen. (Any tweeting advice is most appreciated.)

SCHIEFFER: Well, let me take, for example, two of the people your hear a lot about, and one is Citibank and the other is — is Bank of America.

Should the CEOs of those institutions be worried that they may face the same fate as Rick Wagoner did if their performance does not improve?

GEITHNER: Bob, what I’ll say is this. When, in the future — or I’ll just say, if, in the future, banks need exceptional assistance in order to get through this, then we’ll make sure that assistance comes with conditions, not just to protect the tax payer but to make sure this is the kind of restructuring necessary for them to emerge stronger.

And where that requires a change of management of the board, we’ll do that.

GREGORY: Do you expect and would you like to see President Obama encourage the country to buy American cars?

HENDERSON: No, actually. I — I think the consumer should buy exactly what kind of car they think meets their needs and that excites them. And as I look at it, it’s our job to make sure we provide that, not necessarily have it mandated or otherwise encouraged. I think we have fantastic cars and trucks. We’re going to win in the marketplace and not necessarily because — just because we’re a U.S. company.

This GM bailout mishegos is driving the mainstream media meshugganah. To wit: conservative pretty boy Sean Hannity has been GM’s bitch for years, happily driving tweaked freebies and working plugs for GM product into his rants and “unscripted” comments. Now that his sponsor is toast, Mr. “We Love GM” has to defend the American automaker (to maintain his flag-wrapped appeal) and criticize Barack Obama for his corporate interventionism—knowing full well that the multi-million dollar Hannity–GM gravy train would have derailed months ago if not for your tax money. New York Times columnist Frank Rich may not be boxed in by GM payola, but the man’s clearly conflicted. “Even Rick Wagoner’s Firing Got Lousy Mileage” starts by kvetching that “pitchfork-bearing populists” (as opposed to Mac-wielding elitists) weren’t satisfied when President Obama brought them the head of Richard M. Wagoner. Although he, Rich, is. Mister! Are you following this?

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Land Rover? Indian-owned manufacturer of four-wheeled global warming devices by appointment to the Queen? The very same. The BBC reports that Landie has scored a $400 million “loan” from the European Investment Bank (Banque Européenne d’Investissement). While you’re wondering where the EIB figures in the shadowy conspiracy to create a world government (under the aegis of the Rothschilds), let’s show Auntie Beeb a little love for their mastery of English as she is spoke.

Jaguar Land Rover said it could be a number of weeks before any cash was handed over. Sources at the company were more cautious, stressing that whilst they were confident the money will be approved, they did not want to assume it would.

So other than calling the payment a “loan” (boy does THAT sound familiar), how does the EIB justify running roughshod over World Trade Organization (WTO) prohibitions against government subsidies? Environmentalism, of course. Wait; Land Rover? Yes.
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No, it has nothing to do with Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bailey Circus. I know: I shouldn’t be dissing the Smart. Even though American purveyors of Daimler’s diminutive darling are having a little problem with customers walking away from their advance deposits, Smart was the only brand amongst America’s 46 automotive nameplates that posted a sales gain in March. OK, we’re talking about a one percent gain, to just 1,746 units (the rounding error for Camry sales). So . . . the Smart is one of a handful of cars that makes me want to get out and walk, but The New York Times hearts the fashion victim’s overpriced rolling penalty box, big style. About which the Gray Lady brings glad tidings! Daimler is dumping 200 Smarts into an Austin, TX car share program. True story. What’s more, YOU pay THEM for access to the cars.

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A TTAC reader writes: “Did you read the Wards Auto World article about how full Chrysler’s product pipeline is? So inaccurate. I had to throw away the magazine because of it. As a former product planner for Chrysler up until April of last year (on the Jeep WK), I can tell you the state of the business that I knew.

As a kid, I was conflicted by The Land of the Misfit Toys. Sure, I could empathize with the discarded playthings’ emotional scarring. And I had a pre-Captain Planet understanding about the need to recycle—thanks to 10 years at a deeply dippy Quaker school. But the MFTs were clearly—how do I put this gently?—less than desirable. A train with square wheels? A cowboy riding an ostrich? A doll suffering from clinical depression? I remember thinking, what kind of child is going to love these toys? It’s the same question that pops into my head whenever I see a Chevrolet SSR, Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid, Plymouth Prowler, BMW M-Coupe or Lexus IS-F. These are all vehicles without a hope in hell of mainstream acceptance, destined for endless depreciation and permanent exile in The Land of Misfit Motors. And still the hits keep not happening, from economy cars (the Saturn Astra) right up to “priceless” one-off monstrosities (Maybach Exelero). And I love them all. So share with the group. What’s your favorite misfit automobile, and would you ever own one?

I view the government’s intervention in GM’s business (or lack thereof) as automotive ebola. But we can all agree on one thing: the president’s decision to fire GM CEO Rick Wagoner was a no-brainer. Giving the Harvard MBA and GM lifer millions of dollars to guide GM to viability was like letting Al Qaeda run a liberal arts university. Now that Wagoner’s gone, his supporters are notable by their absence. That’s because deep-sixing Red Ink Rick was the right thing to do. It was also the easy thing to do. While the MSM is lionizing Steve Rattner, the head of the presidential quango that defenestrated the GM CEO, the Obama administration’s wallow in the GM quagmire is just beginning.

Our Twitter handle: TTAC. Go figure. And there’s a bit more housekeeping I need to share with y’all. Our man Niedermeyer (the younger) is heading over to the Socialist Republic of Vietnam for a couple of weeks. He’ll be posting car-related material from the country whose motto is Độc lập – Tự do – Hạnh phúc (Independence – Freedom – Happiness). During that time, our posting pace may slow slightly. Your patience and support are, as always, most appreciated. Hey! With the big GM news on Monday, we ALMOST made a million uniques per month this week: 996,962. With a bit of luck, we’ll crest that number during the next shoe dropping debacle. I hope to have some other big news for you next month, including enhanced features for Friends of TTAC (Người bạn của TTAC). At the very least, we’re talking avatars and the ability for you to see all comments on all posts on one page, with instant access to the relevant thread. Of course, you gotta donate some money to the cause for those bells and whistles, but you don’t gotta do nothin’ to get the same TTAC for nothin’. Meanwhile, please use the comments below to give us a heads-up on what you’ve been enjoying on the site recently and, yes, what sucks. Which means the anti anti-flaming TTAC policy is suspended FOR JUST THIS POST. Go play. Have fun.

Look, I hate to be the one to tell you, but the Chevrolet Volt is dead. Now that The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles (PTFOA) has slammed the electric/gas Hail Mary as a pie-in-the-sky PR-driven panacea, it time to throw in the towel. I know: “While the Volt holds promise, it is currently projected to be much more expensive than its gasoline-fueled peers and will likely need substantial reductions in manufacturing cost in order to become commercially viable.” This little ditty gives Volt boosters something to cling to and argue about (Toyota didn’t make money on the Prius for three hundred years!). Surprisingly enough, it appears that the PTFOA’s Mr. Rattner has set aside green dreams for a little something called business. So just let it go, Automotive News Europe [sub].

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We’ve got the link to GM’s Report Card to the Presidential Task Force on Automobiles. Bankruptcy is no longer that which must not be mentioned. In fact, the official recognition of this inevitability hardly gets a half turn of spin. End of days for Detroit. 

Bankruptcy Considerations-In order to be prepared for events possibly precipitating a bankruptcy filing (for example, unsuccessful bond exchange or VEBA negotiations), the Company continues to evaluate its in-court restructuring options as part of contingency planning activities. The Company believes that the impact of a bankruptcy filing on its business would be substantial, on both wholesale (GM to dealers) and retail (GM dealer to customer) levels, as discussed in the February 17 submission.

General Motors continues to strongly believe that out-of-court restructuring provides the highest value outcome for its customers and this country long term. However, if the changes needed for long-term restructuring cannot be obtained out of court, the Company is prepared and would consider in-court options. Such options would be enhanced by the Administration’s commitment to back GM customer warranties, and to provide support for a rapid emergence from any in-court process.

Ten. My local Chevy dealer has ten Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrids on his lot. At $56K. Each. That ain’t right. GM was going bankrupt when they unleashed this beast. They should have said screw it; let’s show those sanctimonious greenies who’s King of the World (Ma). Let’s peg the price of the Tahoe Hybrid to the Toyota Prius and run ads saying Yippie Ki Yay, Motherfucker. Have one last line of four-wheeled blow before everything goes to Hell. Instead, once again, GM walked away from a terrific vehicle in pursuit of the Next Big Thing. You heard me: the Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid is a technological marvel that rocks. Deal.